Making it weird is my kind of foreplay

dangling off the ledge of the crescent moon like an 80s earring

Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself..

Life is too short to walk that straight of a line.

If it's a job for a duck, don't send a man. Send a duck.

Yeah, but are you down to sit with me and the stars

Flicked the bean. Now I've got to find it.

I've never dealt with cold hard cash. Mine has always been butt warm.

who keeps putting all these ‘a’s in paranoia

Live Laugh Lower your expectations

Reverse cowgirl so we can both enjoy the sunset.

Bold of you to assume you can outdo my disassociation.

Happy Friday you sexy weirdos, may your weekend be full of inappropriate shenanigans and fun.

Ooops

Remember when we used to say 'anal retentive' instead of OCD? Haha, good times. Anyway your fly's open

Call me breakfast the way she skipped me

the revolution will be monetized

I post to annoy the fuck out of everyone with my thoughts.

In honour of Hump Day, I’ll go fuck myself.

I wanted to be nice but everyone has to keep being stupid... 🐼😒😒

It must be exhausting being you.

Whiskey dick, meet White Claw clit

Whisky Dick??? Na, it's a Bourbon Boner

Being toxic isn’t cute. Grow up – Iearn how to love and communicate properly.

I react to a knock at the door the same was as I respond to phone calls. Play dead and wait it out.

I think it’s funny when you know someone talks shit about you but they still repost your shit. It’s ok to not like me, you don’t have to pretend. 🩷

I'd like public transportation more if it didn't transport so much of the public.

What do you call big vagina lips covered in chocolate sauce? Mocha flappe

The error in me recognises the error in you.

i'll take the blame for the mystery wet spot any ole day of the week

Cute fucking first date idea, get it on, bang a gong

if you need a god every day to teach you to be kind, you are not a kind person to begin with

all you can eat buffet of emotions, consume wisely

Im gonna go talk to the sky about it.

The cruel irony of getting blocked by cheese.

sorry, can’t. performing a sold out show in my kitchen tonight

point taken Cyndi Lauper and boys just wanna have fun too

I’m part of the Degeneraté aka the Degenerate club.

Let’s make this difficult.

The ladder in my pantyhose is to help him climb to the minge.

Just haven’t really found a font that’s “me,” yet.

Y’all I am so drunk, sorry if I made you pregnant

Always wear sunglasses when eating lunch in your car. Let people think you’re an undercover cop on a stakeout, not just someone awkwardly eating alone.

I don't have a "spank bank.” I have a polite savings and loan.

How about short story long

A pretty one yesterday 🌈

Living my best life by being sarcastic as fuck.

my phone won’t unlock unless I’m rolling my eyes