Merry Christmas Eve! Wishing you all a happy holiday season ❤️

You’re right, autocorrect, “wet responsive” is much better than “very responsive” for my customer service feedback. I hope *checks notes* Amy agrees.

What if I'm naughty AND nice? What, then?

Ten more minutes, I mumble to myself endlessly.

you wanna meet at the mall and browse the suncoast with me

And then I was like, whatever motherfuckers. And then the motherfuckers whatevered

a true banger requires elements like relatability or humor and the equivalent of ten people liking you a hundred times

She is 10. She takes inappropriateness to a whole new level.

Netflix just bought OnlyFans

People never “sit corrected“ For some reason they’re always standing

In this economy we can only have the elf on the bottom shelf

these are the buttholes of our lives

My peace outweighs my horniness.

I'll be where ever I fucking need to be, unless that's fucking nowhere then I'll be where the fuck I want

Not to brag but I was on butthole Bluesky before it was cool.

16 more positions until Christmas....

Research indicates there is more brain activity in a dead hooker than there is in stupid people.

people who start sentences with funny story is why I have trust issues.

Dance like no one is watching, because no one is, ya fucken loser.

The meth ain’t methin’

dark ages? you mean pre-internet?

Right. So I'm off to eat some pineapple. Just in case.

I’m no weatherman, but I see several inches in your forecast

Why did Frosty the Snowman go to Home Depot? He heard they had snow blowers.

Keep your head up Somebody out there loves you Just not anybody I personally am aware of

they can all be bangers if you people would just lower your standards

I'm kind of like if oops wrong hole was a person

I'm allergic to plant cum

Mistakes were made. Delicious mistakes.

Sometimes you get that suspicious looking shampoo and like, some dude at the shampoo factory could've jizzed in it and you'd never know.

On 10th of December a new law in Australia is banning all teens under 16 from all social media, including YouTube, Tiktok, FB, Twitter, etc. Welcome to the 80's/90's Kids!

Why? Because fuck you, that’s why

My Christmas tree is now erect and leans slightly to the left.

It's all about compatibility

November 30th December 1st

My house has two cleaning modes… Company is coming and There seems to have been a struggle

Borrowing everyone’s phones so I can type “Fleshlight” into your Amazon search history

My discover tab is getting weirder and more cringe by the day

I haven’t lost my faith in humanity, I never had any to begin with.

Don’t forget to take the scenic route during sex.

Cyber Monday sounded like bullshit from the moment it started.

What women see in their hand selfies: her showing off her nice nailjob What I see: that looks like a nice HJ shaft grip

Red baubles.

I just saw a shadow thrown by a cloud that was shaped like a penis, does that mean 6 more weeks of wiener?

Flirting regularly boosts your immune system and keeps you healthy and happy.

[during sex] where’s the laugh track coming from?

Reverse cowgirl, so I can unfuck myself