I'm a joke and you're the punchline

Hey Canada, watch where you're putting that thing.

waldo was so caught up with everyone trying to find him that he forgot to find himself.....

Best use of emoji's 🤌

Inventing sandpaper condoms, just to feel something

Fainmore on the A832 between Braemore junction and Dundonnell in Wester Ross. Pic: Wendy Mowatt

That time I tried to channel Lady Di, but it came out more George Michael.

Me,flirting

Spent last 2 days off refurbing a bike that was on the ex's boat at a sea Maria for ages It was rusty but a couple of parts and it's a goer I know she's looking for a bike to get fitter on It's not perfect but hopefully she'll appreciate it! Better for my head too instead of just sitting on my arse

✨🌟💫⭐️

Me, flirting

Me, flirting

You know when you're wearing socks and the seam at the end gets under your toes and annoys the shit out of you all day? That's my personality

Looks much better in RL

I came with this at 3 am while feverish. I will not be answering any questions.

When you’re listening to Black Sabbath “Hole In The Sky” and you look up and see this, it’s a sign. It’s a sign that the Jamaican Jerk bus is in your area tonight, and you must therefore perform a Hobbit quest to Mount Zion. I don’t make the rules man..

It helps if you can look cute while doing shenanigans.

Anyone else decide their outfit by how comfy you’ll feel giving hugs to someone you know is gonna need it or is this just another thing I overthink about

So you come to me with 300 thousand followers whom you have no interaction nor re-skeet history with Yourself, having no engagement with your own skeets.. and yet you propose, a marriage of sorts,that I follow back Alfredo show our friend the door *makes cut throat motion to Shaky Hands Alfredo*

I would have been here sooner but I was really enjoying hanging out in my parked car by myself, you see.

I don't understand what the hell you are saying, Barb. If I have a cake, you can bet your ass I'm going to eat it, too.

Mean streets

Love a Day Moon!

People having gherkins at McDonalds.

That's why I swallow

Who called them creationists And not primate change deniers? #FridayFuckology

My kids (Catholic) school keep posting this picture of Jesus (?), and all I see is a camp guy in a bar with a glass of wine and a cigarette. Every time.

Don’t be jealous of my sky tonight

I sit and chat with the janitor at work every morning and he told me he doesn’t have enough money for food this month. Today I brought him a gift card for groceries and he cried. Shit shouldn’t be this way.

Yesterday's sunset was ridiculously gorgeous. Just bonkers. Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

I wish I could make it all go away Your hurt, your sorrow, your pain I wish I could give you all, My heart, my love, my time

Got as far as the front door and I'm staring out at the world and the sky. Don't particularly want to go into the house so I'm sat over the threshold looking out and contemplating all of my life decisions. They absolutely suck, but the sky doesn't.

@cloudlicker.bsky.social It doesn't matter how dark things seem, there's always something to appreciate and enjoy.

Steve is in the garden, hiding from his bar tab.

At the drunk enough to be handing out advice part of the night whilst simultaneously ignoring all the advice I'm giving myself.

I've recently had a "Fuck it, send" moment irl. It did not work out well, still isn't working out well and may not be working out well into the future. All despite my internal thought process shouting "NO, STOP. DON'T DO IT. THINGS WILL TURN TO SHIT" Overridden of course by a short term gain 🤬🤬

In a situation where I have to be the arsehole. I really hate being the arsehole & spend my life endeavouring not to be the arsehole. However, in this instance for all parties involved, I have to be the arsehole. Despite the fact one of the parties really doesn't want me to be the arsehole😟😟🤬😢

Arsenal have got a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD, Max Dowman, on. He is the first ever person to play in the Champions League about whom you can say definitively he was never in a Woolworth's.

I broke up with my farmer boyfriend. I wrote him a John Deere letter