Why did they call them parishes and not priestincts

I'm so annoyed that some of the bigger accounts I follow don't follow back, because let me tell you, they're missing out on 1 maybe 2 bronze grade posts every year.

The worst thing about this place (and the other place too) is that there are people that you follow and kinda get to know that you'll never meet irl, yet you'd just love to go to a pub with and have a laugh. There must be a word that's similar to crush but in a totally platonic way?

My mom's face when I used to cut up during Church

This Rapture could have been an email.

Imagine following me because of a rare political post then finding out it's mostly shower pics, social anxiety, and self deprecating humor over here.

the best dates end with "i can't believe we did that"

Hey everyone, if you’re someone that has Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Addiction, Anxiety etc there is a 3 day (1 hour per session) with the worlds leading therapists, it’s free help sessions starting today. On Instagram www.instagram.com/reel/DOFABwh...

They say write about "what you know", which is why I rarely post any of my own content.

After Generation Alpha it's apparently going to be called Generation WTF because none of them are going to believe the shit that happened just before they were born.

billionaire is short for williamionaire

got my nails done today felt cute

Weekly reminder that I think you're an idiot if you say "better then" instead of "better than." Thank you for your attention to this matter.

A movie about Dr Pimple Popper, call it the Exorcyst

if people keep asking you how you are try telling them how you really are and then maybe people will stop asking you how you are

A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs": Step 1 Step 6 Step 8, 9, 10, 11.

One of my favorite fun facts is why the TMNT are named after artists (it’s because the type of turtle they are is a “painted turtle”). I told my nephew about this and he immediately replied that there should be a Bob Ross turtle. So rather than explain the renaissance movement to him, I-

Gotta love a skylight!

Sometimes people make your soul happy no matter how long you’ve known them. Treasure those people.

What song will play during the rapture? youtu.be/GJ5bTKE21hE?...

can't stop smiling

If you catch me staring it's either because I'm trying to remember your name, or my mind wandered off without me and my eyes just happened to be pointed at you.

Interesting dilemma for the American TV viewer. Do you watch Jimmy Kimmel now that he's been brought back after Disney realised how much they fucked up, knowing there will be massive money made on adverts for it. Or do you stop watching, which hits them for adverts but could cancel the show totally?

oh buddy, he did not disappoint but we weren’t allowed to record in the recovery room. he was so HAPPY and LOUD immediately after surgery to his dad (my ex. who is not fat): “Whoaaaa your belly is SO BIG, bc you’re fat” to me: “And Mom, you have a BIG [pause] brain

Saw these boxes whilst at the orthodontist. I’m assuming they contain a sexaphone, tromboner, pink oboe and a couple of violarse.

murican. merkin.

whatever son of a bitch calculated the distances between highway rest areas was clearly not a woman of a certain age

We apologize for trying to pass off trout as koi fish in our "Exotic Aquatic Experience" but tariffs are kicking our butts and we thought red highlighters were waterproof.

Can we change BREAKING NEWS to HEART BREAKING NEWS already?

Maybe if we sniffed each others butts, like dogs do, we’d know ahead of time who is full of shit

Hit me with your forgotten bangers. I'll start. youtu.be/w9uYlKYlZbM?...

It's all kicking off on my estate's Facebook group. I'm toying between a succinct "I am opposed" or "stick it up your ignorant shit pipe you troglodyte fuck hound".

I've reached my limit. From this point forward, the only Kirk I want to hear about is James Tiberius.

I didn't know that the library could charge me money for late returns, I should have read the fine print.

Ugh! My phone updated overnight and now all of the icons and stuff look different and I hate it. *pout*

A person who is not changed by you telling them how their actions are hurting you, is a person you need to move away from.

I’ve walked along train tracks and a river this week and did not find a dead body, TV really set unrealistic expectations for me

Silencing smart people so dumb people won’t be offended is like unplugging the smoke alarm so the fire won’t feel bad.

You can’t tell me to make ‘myself at home’ and then get weirded out if I take off my pants and cry in the kitchen. That’s not how that works.