My wife left. Says all I care about is football. We were together for 7 seasons.

Jury duty is a weird concept. Anytime the government wants, they can just be like “call off work, we need you to solve a murder, here’s fifteen dollars.

My teachers always told me not to worry about my spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect, for which I am eternally grapefruit

Hey Mike Johnson, where in the Bible does it tell you to protect pedofiles and child sex traffickers?

Democrats must stop using funny words like "oligarchy," because this is not how Real Folkz talk & it will alienate them 🤔

i do not wish for violence, okay. i wish for the president to die from something that is funny

bad bunny is such a good super bowl halftime pick

For someone complaining about not having a social life, I sure love staying at home and not talking to anyone for several days in a row.

Reminder

Canada post on strike!? YAY!!!! No more spam flyers!

SO TRUE 🥰

I’m going to be honest I pay zero attention to gas prices. TF I’m going to do about it… walk?

☹️

Nothing says true grief like selling merch at your husband’s memorial. 🙄

Walmart thinks I want to put up my Christmas tree and eat turkey while wearing a Halloween costume.

Donald called global warming a hoax today… STOP THE MADNESS!! #ReleaseAllTheEpsteinFiles

Oh oh 😂

😂🤣

Thanks for everything

People are strange #ReleaseAllTheEpsteinFiles

I was really nice to everyone I met today. Holy shit that was easy!

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

Charlie Kirk would have been the next President? Huh?

Charlie Kirk is being shown on TV as the news organizations try to eulogize him kindly. Even Fox News. You cannot show a SINGLE THING he ever said that wasnt spewing HATE and violence. What a legacy.

Steven Seagull confesses to using stunt doubles but only for the crying parts.

🤣😂

Maybe social media needs to shut down for a year so people can go back to being themselves.

Trump blamed the "radical left" on the assassination – when there wasn't even a suspect identified yet. You wonder why your country is so divided.

Me: “I hope my electric bill isn’t too crazy this month” My electric bill:

Kids don't care. They'll be like, "Why you so ugly?" Then do a cartwheel

You didn’t use Trivago?! 🤣

🤣

Always keep a fresh potato wrapped in foil inside a kitchen cupboard. If your house burns down there'll be a perfectly cooked baked potato to cheer you up.

🤣😂🤣😂

Another music legend, gone. RIP Rick. #supertramp

A rare photo of Keith Richards holding Betty White

😂🤣

Whenever I tell my wife to warm up dinner…

Dogs are too good for humans

Quick fly out RFK!! He can show them how to do pull ups!

🚨BREAKING: Video leak with Donald Trump‘s real voice!!!

Long after the moron is dead, history will remember the cowards who kept it all quiet.

NFL 🏈 IS BACK BABY!!!

They are laughing at him… #pedotrump