just ate a pear

far more people die each year by slipping on pears than on banana peels but you never hear about it because it doesn't fit the narrative

@bigjoel.bsky.social had a dream that u released a five hour video essay called “Shrek: a Fascist’s Paradise” and changed ur channel name to Everybody’s Boy

Lil' comic about hope and longing 💗

This is a more accurate metric of impending bad weather than the Waffle House Index

british guy: i hope americans are ready to be hated lib american reply: i'm so ashamed of my countrymen, i hope that the british don't hate me specifically Hamburglar: i haven't stolen anything since i got sober

Hahahahaha

Every woman wants a dazzling diamond burger

Rabbit, Sweden, 15th century

cop: have you been drinking tonight sir? yoda: [waving hand] mmmmsh give me t-*hic* ticket, you will not cop: i will not give you a ticket yoda: [waving hand] take me to burrrger king you will cop: i will take you to burger king yoda: love mme like a mother cop: what yoda: what

Whatever he had like 12 followers

They call it the Gobi Desert because it's the last place on earth you're allowed to "gobi" yourself

please tell me this labeler is trolling lmao

Trans people: "Fix your hearts or die!" Scott Adams: ok *dies*

lol owned

lmfaoooo goddamn people magazine

not widely known but the tv show "the simpsons" is based on my family. the creator, matt groening, bought the rights to my bildungsroman as inspiration for the character of the son, "bart", though he took a few artistic liberties. my catch phrase was "don't hate a crow, man". crows are fucken sick.

I had a really bad day but it's OK because I'm insane now.

i think most species of bird could probably perform this calculation with absolute 100% accuracy

remember: anywhere there's more than one ICE/CBP agent, they're The Blowjob Brothers. if you happen to see just one of them, you ought to inquire on the whereabouts of the other brothers

POV: You are in the cargo hold of the Demeter

if you put this in a script even erin brockovitch would be like “too on the nose, dial it back”

Fundraiser for Minneapolis ICE shooter that’s already raised $178,000 casually points out that the mayor is Jewish 😬

Government accounts just post like this now and that’s how policy is made

hey, quick question: what’s it gonna take

𝗧𝗢𝗣 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗧𝗢𝗗𝗔𝗬 —TV: "Stranger Things" reveals secret upcoming "true finale" will close the series 𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗘𝗦 —FASHION: The men's quarter zip finally having its "moment" —CULTURE: Our book club picks for 2026 —NATIONAL: Donald Trump has been arrested and executed for crimes against humanity

We used to do real science

sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic

a reminder, again, that AltNPS is a grifter account run by people who have no affiliation with the National Park Service and indeed who never did have any affiliation with the National Park Service. They have no sources, they have no information, they are purely there to scam you.

Frog we don’t have time for this

Saturdays are for the dads

Btw the shamwow guy is running for congress just north of austin & his slogan is Make America Grow Some Balls Again!

lofi beats to cry in my car on lunch to

the creeping surreal fear of seeing a streetlight on during the day

The first two hours this morning

I once witnessed my buddy @mitchgustafson.bsky.social struggle for his life through a mcdonald’s drive thru order of “two mcduggles, regularly”

"I'm no fan of Maduro but..." why do people in the US feel a need to preface things this way in 20-fucking-26

There's your Nobel Peace Prize winner, btw. Hats off to everyone involved. Great job.

Me, pantsless, to the employees of the Home Depot paint department

We had a good run

does the ICJ have a bluesky. can i skeet at them

they can share a cell

ok on the count of 3 everyone blow up your car

BREAKING: Explosions felt across New York City as full socialism begins

what's a matter babe you hardly touched your clud sandwich