Today’s look: blue meanie Today’s perfume: ethical yet dull Today’s earworm: Brazilian Love Affair Today’s mood:

"But there's so much to learn," Milo said, with a thoughtful frown. "Yes, that's true," admitted Rhyme; "but it's not just learning things that's important. It's learning what to do with what you learn and learning why you learn things at all that matters."

Spousal lip balm swag

The worst thing about living in West London in this weather is the stink of wet Barbour

LIFE RULES: Insulate your house with books to ward off evil Oppose the zombie AI apocalypse Never click on a link to the Daily Mail Use double the recommended amount of garlic Always stop to say hi to sheep And to horses too (but in a fake posh voice) I think that's more or less everything covered?

“Up FromThe Sea It Arose And Ate Rio In One Swift Bite” by George Duke (absolute banger btw)

Postman EXPLODES through shop door (which also has a jingly old-school bell for full attack mode). “BILL! BILL! SPAM!” he chants as he hands me three envelopes, one at a time. EXPLODES out of shop. I love our postman (we have discussed his v operatic entrances and exits before)

Just been made aware of Haiti's winter Olympics get-up. That skirt looks warm, has good pockets, and has a massive horse on it. DING DING DING.

Yesterday I bit the bullet and went through a bunch of clothes I haven’t worn since I was last skinny (eat yer heart out Marie Kondo) and it is AMAZING how much stuff fell into the category of “this fits again! And I will still never wear it”. Plus, weirdly, more black dresses than a mafia wife

Cat was hugely disappointed by the lack of breakfast this morning. I can only imagine how disappointed he is going to be at the lack of testicles later.

My lover got no refund, he brought the wrong receipt

🎶 free from desire Marks & Spencers purifier Thanks for the earworm R2 🙄

Today’s look: heftless Today’s perfume: Biscoff doughnut Today’s earworm: Tarzan Boy Today’s mood:

Solo evening and absolutely no idea what to have for dinner. Not really hungry. I got some duck liver (everyone’s favourite spoonerism) out of the freezer this morning so that, I guess. Or I could just have a load of crisps and sour cream dip

went to type "Isambard Kingdom Brunel" and my phone autocorrected it to "Islamabad Kingdom Brunel", and anyway who would like to book my new, incredibly niche and very culturally insensitive drag act

(closing the menu and handing it back to the waiter) whatever's most sumptuous

Watching Anniversary on Netflix and while it’s timely™️, thought-provoking™️, and has a stellar heavyweight cast, NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE. “You had a synthesis with him” ffs. 6/10, mostly for the cast managing to deliver lines like that straight-faced

Today’s look: incredulous Today’s perfume: fat-free Today’s earworm: Evaporated Today’s mood:

In all the Odyssey discourse, I think it’s important to remember that it’s a richly subtle work, with myriad strata of meaning and levels of nuance. You might even say it has… . . . . . Menelaus.

No idea who told Neil Gaiman that right now would be a good time to drop his creepy attempt at self-justification, what with ALL THAT going on, hey trust me mate you’ll come across as a nice guy in comparison, but I have not seen such blind entitlement or low levels of room-reading since, well, ever

Take the tiny wins where you can, people 🎉❤️🇫🇷

How do I phrase this? No.

Today’s look: lighten up, bub Today’s perfume: nah Today’s earworm: Poison Arrow Today’s mood:

It's 1998. Peter Mandleson has resigned in disgrace from Labour. It's 2001. Peter Mandleson has resigned in disgrace from Labour. It's 2025. Peter Mandleson has resigned in disgrace from Labour. It's 2026. Peter Mandleson has resigned in disgrace from Labour.

Today’s look: cautiously optimistic Today’s perfume: approximately floral Today’s earworm: Police On My Back Today’s mood:

this is who runs this account and she’s told Cap’n Howdy where you live

Aardvark as Vinyl & CD Available to pre-order Now elasticstage.com/afp/releases...

Waterstones, where I used to work as a bookseller, have made Pagans their Science Fiction/Fantasy book of the month (with two quid off). THE MOTHERSHIP HAS CALLED ME HOME. www.waterstones.com/campaign/boo...

Today’s look: gaunt Today’s perfume: glorious Today’s earworm: Low Rider Today’s mood:

Macaroni cheese Prawn cocktail crisps Raspberries Sashimi Roast potatoes

First foray into Threads (yes yes I know but I have friends there), accidentally created a Matière De Brétagne thread while thinking I was just hashtagging, will go back to it in a decade and see if anyone else used it. Where my Mort d’Arthur peeps at, etc

Today’s look: needs salt Today’s perfume: paradoxical Today’s earworm: Zombie Today’s mood:

Toasting Moira in some frankly appalling M+S tiramisu-flavoured sticky drink and imagining Moira saying “…zhampagne …”

Starting Knight of the Seven Kingdoms. He’s very Gawain coded, what with the unposh accent and the galumphing

Huge organised fireworks display noise outside (W4), choosing to imagine it’s for C O’H

🌞 Day-O Dance 💃🕺 Beetlejuice 🪲

Catherine O’Hara didn’t steal scenes she just showed up and ownership automatically defaulted to her

Oh, Moira 💔

Next culinary adventure: making what I assume I can no longer realllly call a Negroni, with sour cherry gin* instead of gin gin, 28% ABV cherry vodka instead of Punt E Mes, and Suze instead of Campari because I ran out of Campari. Correct mix of strong/sweet/bitter, anyway *it’s not actually v nice

Making 3-hour slow-cooked Northern Thai pork curry and have used every single spice/paste in the cupboard, plus the smoothie maker (only used for salad dressings and marinades, smoothies are baby food for Kardashians). Plus rubber gloves because fresh turmeric. It will take approx 3mins to eat

january 30th: a partially formed mr. blobby stands by the perimeter fence and screams for thirty seconds before disappearing

Today’s look: fitful Today’s perfume: unseemly Today’s earworm: Where’s Summer B? Today’s mood:

New villain unveiled for Foundation’s next season

YOU DO NOT REMIX ALISON LIMERICK

Potato Europe vs Tomato Europe before 1492

Drink more water. No, more than that. I know, so boring. One more glass. But just do it. Aaaand another glass, well done. More water. Keep at it. One more. Oh, and fucking FLOSS trust me on this

My congratulations to the customer who came in looking for a copy of Crime & Punishment, and left with a copy of Logic & Sexual Morality

Things I learned from Wikipedia today: the Tagalog word for horse is kabayo, which tells you all you need to know about who first brought horses to the Philippines, and my worst writing sin is hendiatris, a figure of speech which loosely includes “live laugh love” BUT NOT BY ME

HAPPY PUBLICATION DAY to the magnificent PAGANS by @jamesbluecat.bsky.social! Available TODAY from all good bookshops, with the gorgeous special edition (complete with foiling, red spredges & bonus short story) exclusively from @waterstones.bsky.social. Get yours: www.waterstones.com/book/pagans/...

Today’s look: loose hairs Today’s perfume: optimist by nature Today’s earworm: Down To Earth Today’s mood: