Nearly told the delivery guy he smelled nice, before remembering this is not something normal people just say to absolute strangers as an observation (I mean, he did, in a 100% objective way, but it would have sounded either creepy or canine. So of course I didn’t).

Right. Going in on the Brett Goldstein Imogen Poots romcom. Love him, love her, but if he wrote it it had better be FUNNY, and if it’s full of romcom tropes I want them played for laughs, somewhat

This can't be shouted loud enough, Reform are guilty of working for a foreign state that sees the UK as an enemy. It's not just laughable, it's insulting that they pretend to be in any way patriotic or acting in this country's best interests.

Today’s look: hotel, motel, Holiday Inn Today’s perfume: slowly reviving cast iron radiator Today’s earworm: Everybody Dance Today’s mood:

This one pops into my head more often than members of my immediate family.

This slides into my head every couple of days and makes me laugh every time

Marry someone who’ll monitor your pizza delivery tracker so you don’t have to look at the word “nomalicious”

This is surely a Goncharov poster

Make me

Customer who seemed perfectly normal had to blow it by saying she didn’t approve of yoga because she didn’t want to be “conned into someone else’s religion”. Oh well, stick to pilates then, love

Frog came into the house. “Toad,” said Frog, “your pants and jacket are lying on the floor.” “Tomorrow,” said Toad from under the covers. “Your kitchen sink is filled with dirty dishes,” said Frog. “Tomorrow,” said Toad.

LES DELIVERY SLOTS OCADO DE NOËL SONT ARRIVÉS it pains me to have to add the #peakWestLondon hashtag but I can’t say I don’t deserve it

Nation’s 56,000 Acres Of Spinach Crops Cooked Down To Single Half-Cup Serving

Ruin a book with a car: Lady Chatterley’s Lada

Today’s look: Left Bank café pseud Today’s perfume: Montmartre slapper Today’s earworm: I Love Paris Today’s mood:

I should add I did not shout

Just took two ACETAMININOMENON (or, as we call it, paracetamol) for a richly deserved caffeine headache. Will obviously keep you all updated if I suddenly come over all neurodivergent [Ron Howard voice: What nobody had the heart to tell her was ]

They've lost the 9yos

I went to hear Sir Ben Okri being interviewed about his new novel and I did the one thing ALL booksellers dream of: I RECOMMENDED TO HIM A BOOK HE HAD NOT READ THAT WAS 100% RELEVANT TO HIS INTERESTS i can die happy now also i had a very nice double espresso can you tell

Next door’s builders are singing along to the Mumfords #peakWestLondon

Today’s look: city casual Today’s perfume: literary Today’s earworm: The Time Is Now Today’s mood:

I’ve been thinking about this a lot today and my conclusion is that angels will be tasked with chivvying out all the raptees who are stuck in buildings bouncing off of ceilings, using brooms and tea towels etc. Like when a big moth gets in the house.

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. Ignore the haters, London is the 🐐

Doomy music can be very cheering, in a Morticia Addams kind of way. The opening notes of A Forest have just made me smile like a loon (don’t @ me, I know it’s on Seventeen Seconds, not Faith, I have more than one Cure album downloaded)

I am now listening to the Cure’s doomiest album (Faith) because the Wimbledon branch of the District line is like a slow train through Purgatory (apart from the sweetly perky driver)

Train announcement: “we’re temporarily delayed by yet another signal failure. I apologise for the Southfields one. And the Putney one. And the fact that you keep having to hear my voice! But I’m supposed to keep you informed, so here we are”

I could not be more DELIGHTED to have discovered that this is a thing aftertherapturepetcare.com

I think when meetings involve banging fists on tables, I wonder if the tables shouldn't have a fairground pole with a bell on top so the next time your fist slams you can have a chance of hitting the bell and winning a cuddly toy.

Today’s look: this again, ffs Today’s perfume: lie-in Today’s earworm: Your Loft My Acid Today’s mood:

Ted Chiang: "The task that generative A.I. has been most successful at is lowering our expectations, both of the things we read and of ourselves when we write [...]. It is a fundamentally dehumanizing technology because it treats us as less than what we are: creators and apprehenders of meaning."

Pithy and correct

Kashimaru-kun, the mascot of Kashima City in Saga Prefecture, wears headgear that combines a fox with an orange.

Chilly at work, but the only warm clothing I have is the recently-delivered Santa sweatshirt that reads “NOTHING FOR YOU, WHORE”, so that’s not an option #careerlimiting

What I’m wearing to the Rapture

Perfume fanciers PSA: yes, once again it’s a new 4160 Thursdays one. Temptation, which is basically the bottom half of a perfume; all bass and backing singers, no lead vocals or guitar. Amber, woods, vanilla, not too sweet, some musk which I normally hate but works here. Winter thumbs up from me

Today’s look: unRapturable Today’s perfume: habemus papam Today’s earworm: In Case Of Fire Today’s mood:

you come to me, on this, the 21st night of september, and you ask me if i remember

Now is the perfect time to snap up some lawn sale bargains if you (like me) are clearly not Raptureworthy

It’s winter duvet changeover day (15 of yer finest floofiest goosedown togs) and I will be setting an extra alarm for Monday morning because my body will start prepping for hibernation

I NEARLY FORGOT!! Rejoice!! youtu.be/CG7YHFT4hjw?...

Today’s look: harpy Today’s perfume: Persil Today’s earworm: Mama Used To Say Today’s mood:

In short, we’re all vulnerable to clickbait

Mr F has just been enraged by his first conscious encounter with clickbait (“welcome to the big leagues, babe” I said with fond scorn): a Telegraph listicle claiming to name the 15 BEST EVER SF BOOKS which failed to include Clarke, Asimov, or Moorcock. His betrayed little face. His bewildered rage

I have a half-baked theory that you can divide sitcoms into three broad formulas: The Single Monster (Fawlty Towers, Keeping Up Appearances, The Office); The Unhealthy Dependency (Steptoe and Son, Peep Show, The Likely Lads) and The Ensemble (Friends, Cheers, The Green Wing).

My wife once shouted out in horror at the checkout in the Stornoway Tesco. ‘Dougie, what are you doing? This Rosé isn’t from Provence?’ The woman’s face at the till still haunts her waking hours.

[FLESHY SQUELCH] #adventuresinsubtitles

Which movie do you consider to be perfect?

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PSA: these are bloody delicious and not at all Joyless Health Food