pigsnouts

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pigtails but in the front and the back

all your crashouts are valid my love

what to respond to hmm

there has to be some sort of solution for 3-4pm

hoot-hoot… hoot-hoot..

ah yes deer droppings or as i call them fool’s berries

driving my car my way, i don't care who it kills

i lost my airpod just do me a mercy and put me down like a dog i can no longer bear to go on

so what we drink chamomile tea

tucking a can of soup behind my ear like a cigarette

i am scared my tea kettle is going to explode and kill me one day it is my biggest fear

surgery to become perfectly round like a ball

it is heart shaped fruit 🍓

DO WE HAVE A DOCTOR ON THE PLANE!!??? we have something better *stands up* we have an ally

does anyone remember love

Another day of STUPIDITY at the White House, or as I call it the ORANGE HOUSE #resist (I WAS RIDING MY BIKE HOME AND WAS JUST STABBED TO DEATH BY THE SKEWER OF A WASP ALIEN. IT HAS IMPALED ME COMPLETELY AND YOU CAN SEE IT OUT THE OTHER SIDE COMPLETELY. THE WASP ALIEN HAS GOT ME. INSTANT DEATH.)

ok i calmed down now i ate some strawberries

explaining to him that he needs to pass his captcha or we cant keep going out

i have a cousin her name is mittens not sure if that is her real name but as long as i can recall everyone has always called her mittens

friend i haven't seen in 3 years: yo what's up man me: i saw an air conditioner fall on a guy's head friend: did it kill him me: yeah completely i gotta go good seeing you

sigh i want to be able to roll around like a ball sigh

guys we have to look for clues today

Ive been able to do this with my mind since as long as i can remember but go off

Going to the gerbil store and asking them "what are the best gerbils to buy en masse that I won't form an emotional attachment to?" (A WASP ALIEN HAS ATTACKED ME I WAS BUYING A SANDWICH AT THE DELI AND IT CAME IN THE FRONT DOOR AND STABBED ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN ALIENLY)

Beauty and the Beak

what are these things theyre everywhere

Wish i was eating mushy peas and a boiled potato. Irish food is so delicious

I've been thinking about getting into shows. I need to walk somewhere. (I AM KILLED BY A WASP ALIEN WHILE TYPING THIS TWEET I WAS IN A GOLF CART AND A WASP ALIEN HAS CAPSIZED MY VESSEL AND STUNG ME MANY TIMES)

do you guys prefer hard dick taco shells or flaccid dick taco shells

i dont want to go goodnight

i wasnt asking for a history lesson i was just stating a fact idiot computer

mwah mwah goodnight kiss ♥️

telling my dead neglected house plants that i will save them

I like anne frank she was a good person

what is busting is it ok

i hate my phone

taking my pants off without a plan

(Joker if he was a circumcised penis) you wanna know how i got these scars

my favourite books are the ones about people with horrible depression that never gets better and they kill themselves at the end

(Me after planting evidence) oh my God i just found something

There is magic in me

GUYS LOOK OVER THERE A DISTRACTION!!

I wish crab man blew clouds

Here comes little lamb. Quick, pretend to be talking about the news or he’ll just go on and on about how the soft spot in his head never hardened up from baby to now again