a chimpanzee just bit my toes off

for every 2 minutes my friend is in the bathroom im going to tweet a personal detail about her life

you guys are so worked up today do you need to go whack off in the bathroom or something

My grandma wrote this poem

boy i cant wait to get married my kids are going to be so cute the great cosmic ape in the sky

im a senior citizen

Going to the spa and asking them to do that thing where they trap some hungry rats in a bucket on my stomach

Installing vietnam war boobytraps in my apartment

sigh i wish i was a water lily

Juice got on my airpod

I FOUND MY AIRPODS ALL IS RIGHT AND GOOD IN THIS WORLD

Dexter's Lab taught us that deedee was a stupid girl

am i bovvered

guys r u disrespexting me

guys this is so us. I am the little princess margarita teresa and you guys are my various ladies and court dwarfs

You guys have entire lives and worlds that i am not a part of. I can tell

hi bros like this tweet and ill give you a song 🎶

she wanna party with little mice and baby bunnies

if its not all gucci in the end that just means it isnt the end

why are there videos of people getting shot on the timeline

*greeting my friend* hey chicky chow mein

jellyfish are a much bigger problem in my life than fire or terrorism to be quite frank

im scared of the jellyfishes

this is the happy house we’re happy here in the happy house

i would sic my hounds on you and shoot you guys dead if you came anywhere near my property i mean no disrespect to you at all

do you remember how we used to scream when we played?

which numbers do you guys suspect are fake?

is math real?

guys would u still be my friends if i stabbed u

i have whichever disease it is where you think your brain has been replaced with an atom bomb and you need to scratch it out

eggs are so delicious i want to eat 100 eggs

im gonna have to use math soon i can feel it

I am a disgrace bro

Mike wazowski early life section

Jewish are latinas

the white latina community has forgiven me!

is it illegal to expose yourself to the animals at the zoo?

🔥🔥🔥

listening to three days grace and crying hard

had another incident in the grocery store and hurt alot of people

I want to throw up