gonna bite yall im not joking at all

I don’t trust microwaves and i won’t abide one in my home

i'm going to kill again tonight

where my real milk drinkers at? #milk

i love milk so much i would bring a jug of milk to a party with me to be factual

its all so fleeting, playboy...

like this status for the one time!

#@EVERYONE GOOD NIGHT

going poop in my building's elevator and sending it down to the first floor

ok everyone go to bed now so im not left out of anything goodnight

yay!

lets watch the grand budapest hotel for the 1000th time

i want to kill one of you and sell your organs so i can start doing therapy is that a good idea yes or no

let hump the dogs of war, brother

i cant stay mad at you guys pleese i sorry i take it all back

fuck you guys

Lets all do it fr this time in 15 minutes

restaurant where the animals eat their final meal in front of you then they are killed and prepared

if you aren’t sure if you can trust someone ask to see their phone then pretend like the phone is harming you mentally and ask them to throw it away

abby you are always welcome in my home

like this tweet if you asked your mom if i can come over 👍

in high school i was voted most likely to burn herself out in her 20s on cheap booze, opiates, and authors with questionable ties to 20th century totalitarian movements

Me want dessert

we had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun but the stars we could reach were just starfish on the beach bro

buddhists are always like escape samsara . but what if samsara is cool

never seen a decent argument against hedonism. simply because one views pleasure as the noblest pursuit in life doesn’t intrinsically make them a bad person, you can still do good acts because they bring you pleasure. Denying yourself pleasure is a crime against the basal ganglia and nature itself

I want to be a life coach for hedonism

if you can’t enjoy life to its fullest most uninhibited potential what is the point?

i should be dying of alcohol poisoning while laying in the dirt yard of a trailer out in the desert

Mind the gap bro

okay jesus christ calm down, I was just asking

i am of the opinion that one should never use a single word when 10 will suffice

Need more prehistorical fiction. Need to hear about life & love in the Cucuteni-Trypillia culture

one time i beat my meat for like 42 hours straight and started coughing up blood

the google headquarters has a bunch of rooms where you can beat off to pornography in a beanbag chair for 9 hours a day

lava is very exciting to me

ever since i was a little girl i wanted to be one of those ladies who smashes a bottle of champagne against the side of a new battleship to christen it

I have this one

my religion prohibits me from farting

Do any of you have that tweet that was like “work sucks can’t wait to get get home so I can twerk”?

Twerking in the valley of the shadow of death

how is the magic of friendship different from the holy ghost

Friendship is satanic

Im excited today

telling my job interviewer that I have to go pee really bad but im holding it in to punish myself for something that happened to me in my childhood

Lions love dying of pesticide

I grabbed an apple right out of the crisper and bit it without washing it, wax and pesticides and all i dont care because i have the mindset of a gangster and the bravery of a thousand lions