Me: Your honor, he texted k..lowercase

of all the agendas I think my favorite is secret

A heartwarming story of a Black girl raised on a Virginia chicken farm without indoor plumbing who became a computer programmer and modeled the Earth's geodesic features and the shape of ocean surfaces. Thank her next time you use your GPS. www.wsj.com/arts-culture...

Out of office that just says "not accepting emails at this time"

"Bluesky doesn't have the juice." "Real media access is still only on Twitter." "No one important uses or will ever use this site." Skill issue. If you post good, the right people will figure out how to get in touch with you.

Bluesky has as much bad news as X but over here, we're against it

boss said if i catch 22 fish i get a raise but if i catch more than 20 i’m fired

you know how no one says "I can't come to the phone right now" anymore they took that from you

for Lent, i’m giving up on myself

every child should be allowed to bring a little lamb to school and I will die on this deranged hill

windshield wipers on the inside of your car for when you sneeze while driving WHEN

If I were a beverage, I’d be a low-energy drink.

Steve has thoughts and advice for those who celebrate *National Carpe Diem Day*! www.daysoftheyear.com/days/carpe-d...

What? Never have I ever used the terms “looksmaxxing” or “mogging” nor met anyone who does.

Forget that silent shit. All filibusters should be spoken from now on. And they should be strictly Trump/Epstein evidence read aloud. Unredacted. Into the public record. PLENTY of pages, after all. Millions of pages, right? They could go on for DAYS. LINE ‘EM UP.

got a phishing email that mistakenly had a bunch of emails on it and someone replied to it cussing the sender out, but they Replied All, and someone else replied WHAT??!?! and the situation is devolving rapidly, at this point I am nostalgic for a standard mugging

maybe the humanities are needed bc without them the rich say things like "people are like horses"

I'm not sure why there are YouTube shorts but not YouTube pants. Sometimes it's cold outside

mike's hard inquiry

just sharing for fun but if you have an iPhone: Privacy & Security >> Location Services >> scroll down to System Services >> Significant Locations & Routes if you want to explore the option of your phone not sorting information about the places you visit the most

this site is free

Am I hearing things? Yeah they're called sounds.

"It is a good day to shitpost!"

generalmusician.bandcamp.com/track/tore So cool! 😎 To celebrate, here is one of my loudest songs.

pi day should never end

Happy Willy Wonka Experience Anniversary to all who are celebrating.

Post nasal drip is just ridiculous. Just stop making so much mucus, head!

Diane 11:30 a.m. February 24th. Entering the town of Twin Peaks.

What I'd like is to have it shout out from your phone "who's the creep around here?"

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Jorts

Why don’t airplane toilets have seatbelts?

ICE abducted a father of a six-year-old who is undergoing cancer treatment in a suburb outside Pittsburgh on Sunday and took him to a detention center in West Virginia. The cruelty is boundless.

If you pee on someone's hand while they're sleeping, they'll sleepwalk to the kitchen and fill a bowl with warm water.

I sleep upon a bed of soft, pink store brand hot dogs.

love when democrats talk about kitchen table issues as if trans people and immigrants don’t have kitchen tables 🙃

but did Alicia Keys even try hosing down the self immolating girl

Several times in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, the word ‘compassion’ is used in a now-archaic verb form, for example, “I compassionated him and sometimes felt a wish to console him…” I think the idea of compassion as not just a thing you show, but something you do is beautiful and worth reviving.

I've always loved the background of Jacob Lawrence's 1943 painting "City College is Like a Beacon Over Harlem," with its snow-covered hill featuring numerous sled riders at play

Macaroni Grill is a stupid name. You don’t grill macaroni.

There’s should be a zoo enclosure where you can let a koala bum a cigarette

welcome to bluesky, where the discourse is made up and the likes don't matter

I just heard this brilliant saying: “A bee does not waste its time trying to convince a fly that honey is better than shit.”

Alysa Liu might have a gold medal but only one of us is allowed to legally purchase alcohol in the United States. Checkmate

I love being carded to buy fucking cough medicine. Excellent country we've got here, going real well. I recognize why. It's just fucking ridiculous.

I watched a Winnie the Pooh movie last night and put my pants on last this morning

I need hikers to stop lording their happy-go-lucky attitude over me

thinking about how white supremacists are obessed with being vikings and meanwhile all those scandinavian countries have universal healthcare