I tried farm to table, but a cow stepped on my spaghetti.

OMG, THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE! Oops, sorry, it's ketchup. OMG, THERE'S KETCHUP EVERYWHERE!

it's time for

Join us and @singwithtaffy.bsky.social for more #thewheeloftime content! We'll be discussing The Eye of the World comic and its art. Feel free to grab a drink as we yell about #savewot too. www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxWk...

"I am finally free of this forsaken space rock!" I say, flourishing my cape and morphing into an electrified swirl.

Do you ever drip dry in the shower for a while pretending you're a terminator that just arrived?

All the babies squealed in delight as I exhaled a beautiful billowy cloud from my vape pen into the maternity ward.

sandpaper is so relaxing it really helps me take the edge off

Now, a message from Julie Lavender Menace: Milk And Cookies Pilates 7p to floor. Rev. Dr. Ravenscrof once convinced people waiting in front of a line for days to see a concert that they were actually standing in the back. Then he walked right in to see the show. God bless.

At 830 tonight, more tWoTcast! Discussing the Eye of the World comic with @singwithtaffy.bsky.social, it'll be a great time #wotskies! Come on by to laugh at grumpy Tom. #thewheeloftime www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRC8...

getting ready to celebrate hot fall girl bod by wearing only mashed potatoes and gravy

My thinking cap is one of those visors with the mullet attached

Russian agent: With which bird-watching group are you affiliated? 007: Bon. Audubon.

CARNIES: All the danger of drifters set against the horrifying backdrop of a carnival.

replacing my all seasonal decorations with welcome interstellar vessel 3i/atlas adornments.

Someone with the job title GOD-EMPEROR OF KLYSTRON viewed your profile. Click here to follow up with the GOD-EMPEROR OF KLYSTRON.

coworker: man this weekend was wild me (wearing a jean jacket, a little bit louder than is appropriate): OH YEA?

Tonight at 830 EDT, more coverage of the Eye of the World comic with @singwithtaffy.bsky.social. see you soon #wotskies #thewheeloftime www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhg7...

Just gonna scream into this Ziploc. Save it for later.

[First date in Restaurant] Her: “One thing I want to be upfront about is that I don’t play games” Me (reluctantly refolding Monopoly board): “In that case, I’m afraid this isn’t going to work”

*knocking on your car window* a few miles back your dog’s ear was inside out thought you should know

Are you mad at me? □ yes □ yes

Hope everyone is enjoying the amazing #wottober artwork so far. If you want more #thewheeloftime artwork content, join us and @singwithtaffy.bsky.social at 830 EDT tonight as we read the Eye of the World comic. See you soon #wotskies www.youtube.com/watch?v=17Nr...

waiter: would you like some capers with your pasta batman: what

Bad news team, they've decided to focus the destructive power of the Earth's sun into a single annhilative point directly onto my large tender ass.

MOVIE TRIVIA: The Land Before Time is actually a prequel that takes place 65 million years before the events of Pulp Fiction.

The assistant to Dr. Frankenstein didn't fully understand mentally or morally what they were up to in making the monster. But sometimes Igor-ance is bliss.

#WoTtober day four. “Voice” #WoTSkies (this one is for @singwithtaffy.bsky.social for our constant conversations about how great Shohreh's voice is)

Ladies my age make me attend their parties with Fleetwood Mac cover bands, but will be upset when I invite them to mine with a Death Grips cover band called “You Can Sit Between The Backseat And My Dick”

Like #thewheeloftime? Good news, then! Wheel of Time editor Alan Romanczuk will be joining us at 830 EDT tonight. @singwithtaffy.bsky.social will be there, too! See you soon #wotskies www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBdr...

(passing out tiny flower shaped cakes to the raccoons in my gazebo) "My sense of humor is dry and I get into trouble a lot"

Very slow harmonic minor on bass with a rat pedal pushing fuzz territory kind of day

Realtor: This room would be perfect for entertaining! Me: Are there any rooms that would be perfect for casting spells on small children?

I can tell a lot of you are working. So impressive *sarcastic clapping* great job *eyeroll*

*falling into a burning ring of fire* I'm gonna write a song about this shit

Congratulations! You’ve reached the “ah, fuck it” stage of life.

I would probably get in so much trouble if I were funny.

I got kicked out of the mall for disrespecting the heraldry of the food court

using a burlap sack full of peanuts as a pillow.

Due to some kind of miscommunication, a friend brought us a six pack of bears.

is it a bird is it a plane is it the loss of my ability to recognize everyday objects

SORRY THESE ARE LATE I WAS BUSY TRYING TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM THE TERROR OF BEING ALIVE

Wake up. I wanna talk the powerful social commentary that is “Gremlins 2” with you again.

I worked for 40 years at a factory making large pillowcases. I feel like my life has just been one big sham after another.

Always happy to help! (Make things much, much worse)

No tWoTcast tonight. Jono is in Scotland! #thewheeloftime

[watching Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made] I BETTER FUCKEN DIE

Riding in the back of a pickup truck training my harpoon gun on the legion of roombas pursuing us at 90 mph down the empty highway, knowing I’m down to my last harpoon, knowing the road will end, in the dust, the setting sun, silence

Welcome to the jungle, we got fun & *trips over my own feet*