JenX-cellent
@jenx-cellent.bsky.social
π€ 89
π₯ 44
π 181
I don't care that you drank from the hose. π
A man woke me up at 730 today just to annoy the fuck out of me. I feel like this would hold up in court. Or at least, it should.
3 months ago
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los π¦¦
3 months ago
balloons in general can cease to exist
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Uffdafuckingda
3 months ago
Nothing more frustrating than having to explain something simple to someone stupid.
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Uffdafuckingda
4 months ago
We make it too hard to be human.
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I've decided to spend the day obsessing about a slightly awkward situation that happened a year and a half ago that probably no one else remembers but me.
4 months ago
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Jake_Vig
4 months ago
A buzzer should go off when it's time to give up on someone.
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Sometimes I wonder how many strangers have old photos with me in the background.
4 months ago
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Chestbursty
4 months ago
We didn't do a lot of normal things in my family like have game night or look forward to the future
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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY
4 months ago
People like to say βitβs never too late to begin,β and I hate to break it to them, but sometimes it fucking is
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John Lyon
4 months ago
I donβt have a one-track mind. I have an eight-track mind. It gets tangled easily, fades out in the middle of a thought, and is quickly wearing out.
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Today I learned that Gilligan's name is Willy. Willy Gilligan. I have gone through my entire life to this point without ever learning this vital piece of information. Why didn't anyone ever tell me?
4 months ago
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I really feel like David Mitchell and I could be friends.
4 months ago
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Kip Conlon
5 months ago
Please respect those of us who do not observe Valentine's Day due to our lack of appeal as partners.
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Kip Conlon
4 months ago
Enough about the weird dream I had last night. How long will you be in the hospital?
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Chelle
5 months ago
What wine pairs well with never leaving the house again?
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Lizzlepants π
5 months ago
if you invite me to your party Iβm gonna bring you a live laugh love plaque and make you hang it on the wall in front of me so youβll never ask me to leave my apartment and socialize ever again
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Brick's House π
5 months ago
I was expecting more than just a punch in the stomach for my performance review
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WineMummy
5 months ago
New year, same dumb people.
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sweetie Ο
5 months ago
nobody at the funeral appreciated my rendition of mmm bop on the kazoo
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Chames
6 months ago
a bank tube but for shooting me straight from my couch to the mall food court
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Miss Suzy
5 months ago
Feeding a Cheeto to the snail that lives in my bong.
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Nes Lessman
5 months ago
How am I the same age as these old people?
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π±πππ ππππππππ
5 months ago
Time to start on my New Yearβs retributions.
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I'm concerned as to what sort of crimes Barbie has committed that require her to be lashed to the cardboard like Hannibal Lecter.
6 months ago
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π±πππ ππππππππ
over 1 year ago
Text βSTOPβ to finally stop believinβ
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Forrest Plump
6 months ago
Relationships are a great if you like having holidays ruined for you
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John Lyon
6 months ago
After a person is unmasked as a serial killer, the neighbors always say he was quiet and seemed nice. So at least I know my neighbors arenβt serial killers.
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Jax
6 months ago
It's a good night to do nothing
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π« climp
6 months ago
Dating app that matches you alphabetically. Who even cares anymore.
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Sam
over 1 year ago
Make sure you tell the cashier how sorry you are that they have to work on a holiday as you pay for something you could have easily purchased on any other day before or after the holiday, you disingenuous POS.
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Sam
over 1 year ago
- Before you quit, you need to leave a two weeksβ notice. - OK, if two weeks from now you notice that I haven't been showing up, that means Iβve quit.
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mindi
6 months ago
*throws elf on the shelf in the wood chipper
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Juiceticles
6 months ago
Our elf on the shelf cries itself to sleep at night
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Zeb Haradon
6 months ago
It's that special time of year when angry conservatives going around hissing "Merry CHRISTMAS!!!!" to baffled baristas through clenched teeth.
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Windchimes are like listening to a preschool class during circle music time, where everyone has a different instrument and no one is playing the same song.
6 months ago
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Jeff
6 months ago
we need an untethered disney princess whose rage knows no bounds
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Did we ever figure out where all the cowboys went?
6 months ago
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JenX-cellent
bacon popsicle π€¬
over 1 year ago
This whisky tastes a lot like I wonβt be going to work tomorrow.
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Giraud, basically
7 months ago
hate it when people brag about their extravaganzas when some of us donβt have any vaganzas at all
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Wristy
7 months ago
My party trick is not showing up
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andy vs.
7 months ago
In lieu of thanksgiving I suggest holding a sort of family court convicting your most annoying relatives of various offenses
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Opinion Editor @ Bluesky
7 months ago
good news, my therapist said I'm cured and to never contact her again
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I just remembered I'm still 'It' from the last game of Tag I played forty years ago. Now I must go outside today and transfer this burden to someone else.
7 months ago
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People my age are extremely tiresome.
7 months ago
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Amy
7 months ago
on facebook everyone is fighting a battle they wonβt fucking shut up about
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Roxy
7 months ago
Don't listen to the girls with the weird eyebrows.
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JenX-cellent
Not JPo
7 months ago
The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at
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