🔫 climp
@climp.bsky.social
📤 598
📥 1078
📝 1165
.·´¯`·.·★ ★·.·`¯´·. Microsoft excel
It is unclear from the cockpit voice recorder if the final command was issued by the captain directly or via his hand puppet as the voice he did for it wasn’t really that different
about 2 hours ago
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Video game idea: jumping
about 8 hours ago
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5
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kids growing so fast I feel like I’m constantly buying new barrels with suspenders
about 20 hours ago
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A nation in shock demands a briefing
1 day ago
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9
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Mysterious trousers of european length
3 days ago
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6
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Adventures are for everyone, not just the busty
3 days ago
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who would win in a fight?
3 days ago
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Oh you’re caught in a bear trap? How embarrassing, outsmarted by a bear
4 days ago
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The first jeans were carved from pure jean
4 days ago
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15
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If i were a pedestrian i would 100% walk places
5 days ago
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"living the dream" I say, running but not actually moving.
5 days ago
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my eyes roll back and turn white as i call my dentist to reschedule
6 days ago
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I’m the Johnny Appleseed of gravel
6 days ago
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You can use it in a second, I’m almost done [maintaining eye contact while I continue to press the +30 seconds button on the microwave every time it reaches 1 for two hours straight]
6 days ago
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This is the year that i find out i was one credit short of graduating high school and go back to finish. also my friends are there
7 days ago
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If the shoes are a problem can your horse at least wipe his feet
7 days ago
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Good thing i came prepared [long shot of me taking cold cuts out of every pocket]
8 days ago
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[Heist chief] And this is our getaway driver. If it’s got four wheels he can drive it. [Driver] Three wheels. [Driver] Trikes only.
9 days ago
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I am sorry i do not understand your primitive twentieth century sandwiches
10 days ago
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[Guy who’s only bit is bringing up Chicago style pizza so he can say that one Jon Stewart joke about casserole] So you guys ordering a pizza? From what city?
11 days ago
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If anything you backing away from me is what’s threatening
11 days ago
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There’s more to the roller rink than just their ATM
12 days ago
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2025 was a good year if you like months
12 days ago
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[ringing the neighbor’s doorbell with a toaster under my arm] merry christmas can i use your bathtub real quick
12 days ago
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If i fought a battle of the mind i would have crazy side effects. Everybody on the bus would know.
13 days ago
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We should split up. We’ll cover more ground that way.
13 days ago
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“1024 1080 800 600 640 480 768 1440 4k 8k” - The Mute Lister’s Refrain
13 days ago
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Look, Tiny Tim made it. Time of death, 12:05 December 26th.
14 days ago
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Ran out of paper halfway through wrapping the predator statue and now i really wish I’d started from the top
15 days ago
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Strategically stacking the gifts so my wife opens the bullets first.
15 days ago
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we’re not having dessert until i finish my karate demonstration and I’m not starting my karate demonstration until *everybody* comes outside
16 days ago
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Taking down grandma’s door with a battering ram even though she invited us
17 days ago
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Three ranged eggs
17 days ago
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I’m starting to wonder why the police even need my lip prints
17 days ago
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Going back home for Christmas means awkward conversations with high school friends turned common gear vendors
17 days ago
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Sometimes i think this is all too many
17 days ago
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I feel like I'm taking regular pills!
17 days ago
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Dating app that matches you alphabetically. Who even cares anymore.
19 days ago
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Dad always used to “time to go home? Five cigarettes.” Then he smoked five cigarettes. He had a few other sayings about smoking
20 days ago
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Inviting a new friend over and high fiving him so hard his wife gasps
20 days ago
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35
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“North by northeast maybe?” - The Windguesser
20 days ago
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Zipping around the office on my heelys. “Hot stuff comin through “ i say, though I’m not actually holding any soup. It’s just me
20 days ago
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Race to the Bottom: The Sordid History of Me Falling Down This Staircase Again
22 days ago
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[man with the most blockable opinions] lmao sure go ahead and block me lol. literally laughing to myself .
22 days ago
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Oh right, like how when you have a sore thumb it sticks straight out. That’s a thing in my experience so i understand.
23 days ago
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I’m calling in sick. I’m coming in fast and hot.
23 days ago
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Nice “job” prometheus but anybody can bring fire to humans. I do it all the time. I’m doing it right now.
24 days ago
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Before my uncle died he told me he hid a gun in every super mario.
24 days ago
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Driving my beyblade through traffic. I don’t care. I have a prescription to pick up.
24 days ago
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Only a week and a half left to perfect all your Christmas moves
24 days ago
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