🔫 climp
@climp.bsky.social
📤 647
📥 1081
📝 1180
.·´¯`·.·★ ★·.·`¯´·. Microsoft excel
While i was sleeping someone picked all the pepperoni off my shirt and ate it
about 4 hours ago
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Amazing what ancient people built even though they were all skeletons
2 days ago
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Mom’s famous fizzy rice 😋
2 days ago
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Boss making me stay late to do fractions.
3 days ago
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Doc it hurts when I do this *roundhouse kicks the dental x-ray arm*
4 days ago
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I'm like the beverly hillbillies but with your blood
5 days ago
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The original Star Wars script called for light sabers five inches long. That’s plenty. That’s a lot actually.
6 days ago
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Let me remind you that your talking to an avid reader of in game dialog
6 days ago
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Stinkers used to fill whole rooms until scientists made them lil
6 days ago
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Damocles why you gotta hang that thing right where i dunk
7 days ago
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Me, on my horst: majestic, all-seeing You, in your graben: debased, grovelling
7 days ago
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Yeah let's all tune in to watch scrappy do sweep the hanna-barberies again
7 days ago
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Cover that unsightly garbage with just two sheets of Nice Garbage™️
10 days ago
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It is unclear from the cockpit voice recorder if the final command was issued by the captain directly or via his hand puppet as the voice he did for it wasn’t really that different
10 days ago
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Video game idea: jumping
11 days ago
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kids growing so fast I feel like I’m constantly buying new barrels with suspenders
11 days ago
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A nation in shock demands a briefing
11 days ago
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Mysterious trousers of european length
13 days ago
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Adventures are for everyone, not just the busty
13 days ago
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who would win in a fight?
14 days ago
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Oh you’re caught in a bear trap? How embarrassing, outsmarted by a bear
14 days ago
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The first jeans were carved from pure jean
14 days ago
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If i were a pedestrian i would 100% walk places
15 days ago
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"living the dream" I say, running but not actually moving.
15 days ago
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my eyes roll back and turn white as i call my dentist to reschedule
16 days ago
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I’m the Johnny Appleseed of gravel
16 days ago
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You can use it in a second, I’m almost done [maintaining eye contact while I continue to press the +30 seconds button on the microwave every time it reaches 1 for two hours straight]
17 days ago
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This is the year that i find out i was one credit short of graduating high school and go back to finish. also my friends are there
18 days ago
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If the shoes are a problem can your horse at least wipe his feet
18 days ago
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Good thing i came prepared [long shot of me taking cold cuts out of every pocket]
18 days ago
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[Heist chief] And this is our getaway driver. If it’s got four wheels he can drive it. [Driver] Three wheels. [Driver] Trikes only.
19 days ago
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I am sorry i do not understand your primitive twentieth century sandwiches
20 days ago
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[Guy who’s only bit is bringing up Chicago style pizza so he can say that one Jon Stewart joke about casserole] So you guys ordering a pizza? From what city?
22 days ago
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If anything you backing away from me is what’s threatening
22 days ago
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There’s more to the roller rink than just their ATM
22 days ago
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2025 was a good year if you like months
22 days ago
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[ringing the neighbor’s doorbell with a toaster under my arm] merry christmas can i use your bathtub real quick
22 days ago
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If i fought a battle of the mind i would have crazy side effects. Everybody on the bus would know.
23 days ago
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We should split up. We’ll cover more ground that way.
23 days ago
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“1024 1080 800 600 640 480 768 1440 4k 8k” - The Mute Lister’s Refrain
24 days ago
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Look, Tiny Tim made it. Time of death, 12:05 December 26th.
24 days ago
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Ran out of paper halfway through wrapping the predator statue and now i really wish I’d started from the top
26 days ago
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Strategically stacking the gifts so my wife opens the bullets first.
26 days ago
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we’re not having dessert until i finish my karate demonstration and I’m not starting my karate demonstration until *everybody* comes outside
26 days ago
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Taking down grandma’s door with a battering ram even though she invited us
27 days ago
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Three ranged eggs
27 days ago
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I’m starting to wonder why the police even need my lip prints
28 days ago
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Going back home for Christmas means awkward conversations with high school friends turned common gear vendors
28 days ago
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Sometimes i think this is all too many
28 days ago
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I feel like I'm taking regular pills!
28 days ago
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