🔫 climp
@climp.bsky.social
📤 672
📥 1105
📝 1251
.·´¯`·.·★ ★·.·`¯´·. Microsoft excel
A good office joke is to suggest that it’s Friday on a day other than Friday. Another good office joke is to live in the ceiling.
1 day ago
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Sometimes i look my wife in the eyes and say “hey, good hustle”
3 days ago
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reposted by
🔫 climp
potion of
4 days ago
angry frenchman: no more monsieur homme-gentil
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[a single car honks its horn] Man it’s crazy out there right now
4 days ago
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I am ready to strike. Any time any place. My car is double parked. I’m gonna have to move it soon
6 days ago
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you kicked my gun away? what the hell man that's what I was crawling towards.
6 days ago
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Coughing in a manner most French
7 days ago
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le danse corncobre
7 days ago
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I've destroyed every trace of who took your vitamins, but i am going to need some assurances
7 days ago
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look you work at this sprint phone kiosk long enough you are gonna get a few bomb threats
7 days ago
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taking my hog to the hogwash
7 days ago
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[comforting you as you puke into a storm drain] this is exactly why i started my newsletter
9 days ago
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Substitute teachers in the 2040s trying to pronounce different spellings of “Avatar 2”
9 days ago
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Explaining to another angry diner that the pasta is clearly labeled “cubotelli” because it’s a cube and you only get the one because it’s obviously very large
9 days ago
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reposted by
🔫 climp
Brainfall: Mentality’s Requiem
10 days ago
Hey man. I just want you to know. Regardless of the outcome. You know, whatever happens. I will contact your wife.
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Syncing stains across all my shirts
10 days ago
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you keep saying "fiasco" but like in a negative way?
10 days ago
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Only tipping 10% on my power bill this month. Do better.
10 days ago
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Hi, I’m here to buy a new car. But not any of the ones i just hit.
11 days ago
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[Showing my wife the flightradar24 track of our plane currently plummeting into the sea] And it has a bunch of other features too, but you gotta pay
11 days ago
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Oh you like my shoes? Thanks, they’re rentals
12 days ago
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how come they don't have the sun on other planets?
13 days ago
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I think as a sack I would find joy in my purpose
13 days ago
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Wetting my food in the kitchen sink
13 days ago
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[Cybernetic future me steps out of time machine at the dinner party] Everybody’s heard that story
14 days ago
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Using a banana to pretend to call in a bomb threat
14 days ago
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Amber is short for amberger sandwich
14 days ago
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Copilot reformat this for dogs. Dog format.
14 days ago
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Take a gander leave a gander
16 days ago
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reposted by
🔫 climp
Gupp
18 days ago
i redact things from my own mind w this gas rag
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This was no accident. These boards were all karate chopped.
19 days ago
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[Guy who bought a grappling hook yesterday] No man it’s crazy i woke up and my gutters were just like that
21 days ago
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Gosh damn, dude
22 days ago
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reposted by
🔫 climp
avery
22 days ago
the phrase ‘phone it in’ no longer makes sense bc making a phone call is one of the worst things you can be asked to do
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finally having the graphic talk about where old people come from
22 days ago
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[Grabbing the barber’s wrist] Remember your oath.
23 days ago
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I believe Abraham Lincoln said “it best”
23 days ago
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Yes, I can hear you better now, thanks [LYING]
23 days ago
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no way are centaurs flexible enough to wipe
23 days ago
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Nothing about the Olympics coverage even hints at recent advancements in toothbrush technology
25 days ago
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Rotating a skull in my mind and fucking up my entire face and head
25 days ago
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[guy who thinks the middle east is the same as middle earth] we should bomb the middle east.
26 days ago
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Pulling a police dog out of retirement for one last case after like a month
28 days ago
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See the phenomenon that’s making America say “I don’t think so, Tim”
28 days ago
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Guy doing my lethal injection just came out of the bathroom and his hands are totally dry
28 days ago
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Sorry doc but i didn’t come here just have you wave your fancy invoices at me
29 days ago
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Blurry ass doctor without borders
29 days ago
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Hiding the phone from your date while you discreetly google “spaghetti”
about 1 month ago
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Glum kids on a bare slope love to see me roll up with a bucket of gravel marked “emergency scree”
about 1 month ago
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I know the harvest festival is important and all but what if we tried something new? What if we took a little blood from a lot of people instead of a lot of blood from me?
about 1 month ago
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