babygirl <3's cashews

fåther i must taste of the march mallow

cheesebird moment 😏

i’m so powerful and have a big sexy brain

headset? on knuckles? cracked heart? broken yep, it's gamer time!

what if instead of "sex toys" they were called "sex tools" that would be funny i think

do you want to come over and scream at the sky together

hey

Of all the things in the history of the world that definitely did not happen - this is the pinnacle.

i saw a bridge today that had a "for sale" sign on it lmao

two hours of poleing tad buys a 8 by 12 four foot pad im a frog of means by no means king of the toad

if you're having hog problems, i feel bad for you, son i got 99 problems but groundhogs ain't one!

we are punxsutawney phil we carry the flame!

cum? you mean boyslop?

well guys as a pennsylvanian let's just say i have a few horses in this race & i've heard from the committee that ol' punxsutawney phil saw his shadow again this morning which means 6 more weeks of groundhog jokes!

kevin malone's favorite yoga position is "downward facing casserole"

make sure to leave out milk & lumber for groundhog claus tonight!

reminiscing on days of groundhogs past...

what's next? a donkey predicts whether or not it's gonna rain? please.

they call it "groundhog day" but i know a beaver when i see one 😒

if beavers can predict whether or not there's gonna be 6 more weeks of winter...what else do they know? can i just go in the woods & ask a beaver who's gonna win the super bowl?

on the first day of groundhog my beaver said to me, six weeks winter unto thee!

who decided the best way to determine the weather was whether or not a beaver sees its shadow anyhow

if you're so offended by people speaking spanish that you need to watch an "alternate halftime show" you don't deserve to watch television. time out. go sit in the corner with the rest of the degenerates spanish was being spoken in this country 300 YEARS before any english speakers arrived 🙄

live by the groundhog, die by the groundhog WELCOME TO PENNSYLVANIA

what with global warming and all I feel like we, as a people, deserve 2 groundhog days. one for winter, one for summer.

have your groundhog call my groundhog

up the punx(sutawney phil)

pennsylvania to the rest of the states : i showed you my groundhog please respond

He's listening to Fleetwad Mac

would you still love me if i didn't have mommy issues

Elon asking about the No Elons island.

i bless the worms down in africa

w. i require medical assistance

squawky in the magic birb circle (i do not know what it is!)

When life shits in your hand Finger paint

are we talking about albania now 👀

sometimes the penith slams You In the car door

Frog grant me the serenity to accept the toads I cannot change

What if god was called frog instead so we were saying shit like I swear to frog

Hawk tuah was the compromise

if you click the "go live" button on bluesky you just go to jail

a helped hamburger whimpers

5 blue jays flew into the tree right outside my window this morning. FIVE. how epic is that. i freaking love blue jays. the most i've ever seen in that tree before is 2.

why does having canadian friends these days feel so much like having friends who live over the berlin wall...

i had a dream the other night that i went to the doctor's american moment 🫡