can i still get into heaven if i pee myself

getting 2 dogs & naming them "corey & trevor" so you can say "corey & trevor, fifty feet!" before playing fetch with them

fun first date idea : we flood an abandoned house

cooking PORK in PORK & BEANS! wrap your mind around THAT one, why don't ya! #porkception

*walking past a mailbox* omg i can't believe they turned e-mail into a real thing

A.C.A.B. A-ll C-ows A-re B-essie

it's uh it's for a friend

«Owls are just bird hardware running cat software» Original post

Quentin Tarantino came on the heels of many great directors before him

squawky & i enjoying a PA favorite, tomato pie from corropolese italian bakery, fueling up b4 the flyers game yesterday (WE WON!) you should've heard the eagle screech she did b4 the game. came out of her little loft to bang heads w me after the game, which we won 1-0 in ot. bye pittsburgh!!

who up pondering things and thinking stuff

going back in time to the 1970's to call everybody jack

whatevvies

posting cringe all by yourself, beautiful?

how come 4 was afraid of 5? 'cause five 6-7!

who wants to do kissing

who wants to kiss

hawk tuba honk on that thang

spring has sprung and the fish is in bloom

there is absolutely NOTHING natural about talking or thinking like if you agree

roderant (deodorant with rodent pheromones in it)

i'm not taking my sneakers off i am sneakers o'toole

the f in robert f kennedy stands for burgers

i used to go around picking up trash on earth day i was a strange child happy earth day!

this might be an unpopular opinion on a site like this but it's okay to ignore politics for the sake of your mental health you're not going to make the world a better place by allowing yourself to deteriorate love you all

actually it's pronounced "hoajie"

kirking off

*trying to make friends at an orgy* so...you guys like sex?

nobody : nobody at all : kash patel :

broke : "constipated" woke : poopsick

osama bėn shapiro

i think triangle-shaped phones are the future.

kiss my proverbial ass

what if you landed on a faraway planet & everything was exactly the same except people pooped in the sink & washed their hands in the toilet

white people say some shit like "oh, fiddlesticks" then they cum

what if the worlds we create in our dreams are real and that's why the universe keeps expanding every day 🤔

reading classical literature got me telling my bird shit like "i love thee, squawky"

wtf is a "looksmaxxer" like they're just inventing reasons to be famous at this point look at me guys i'm a blinkmaxxing eyecel!!!

we need a disney princess who has conquered most of present-day france

suntan lotion is just people butter

nobody : nobody at all : fish : glub

what's wrong babe you've hardly touched your divine wrath & retribution

polish cats be like "purrwa"

i came here to pilfer grain & chew bubblegum & i'm all out of bubblegum 😎

tony hawk's pro grain pilferer

bro if u pilfer my grain one more time i swear on all that's holy i will smite ur ass to last tuesday

making maps of the world must have been hard af before satellites