One of the many reasons AI can't produce good writing is it can't hate its own writing. It can't think to itself "Maybe I'm illiterate" during the writing process. And that's essential

Never mix up italy with a black hole just because you think you hear spaghetti vacation

Some of the signs you might be turning to ash in the wind is a sudden feeling of weightlessness and fragmentation. These symptoms are also associated with crumbling to dust so be sure to check with your physician

I understand that a lot of folks have been misled by fear-mongering and powerful regressive voices but it’s still astonishing to me that so many have fallen for the idea that oppressively policing other people’s gender identity and expression could in any way be part of an enlightened future.

The door exists only in your mind, and so does the key.

bad news. it’s actually pretty nice having clothes put away instead of in a pile

Most people who say "I'm bad with names" mean they can't remember them. But I'm bad with names in another way. Anyway, meet my son Dipshit

we all just want a safe place in which to exist

If at first you don’t succeed, lay down and let the forest absorb you.

Coworker who makes being a prophet of doom their whole personality

sharks, i come today with an opportunity for you to invest in a cask of the finest amontillado in the world. please follow me into the catacombs so you can try it for yourselves

nice try but the character based on you in my novella will experience a summer of hardship and loss

i am the peacemaker. I have ended at least 8, almost 9 wars. so what if they were all thumb wars

nothing more humbling than walking into the grocery store and forgetting which foods you like

oh, you’re “egging my house?” thanks for breakfast dumbass

I'm not your lawyer and this is not legal advice, but you might consider burying yourself in the soft earth.

We are all green things tasting the universe.

whenever I hear a dog bark my first thought is always, "yeah, you got a point"

A slightly tipsy Ursa Marceau does his famous “bear stuck in a box” routine for Santa and the elves at the annual North Pole company Christmas party.

i wish they'd stop calling it "the old abandoned mine" i live there

i am really in the dark as to why my indoor sundial is not working

my tweets have been bombing because i have sinned

be careful out there today the static electricity is really bad some tacos just stuck to my mouth

Hidden by the world, the world is revealed.

Today's vibe is sawdust.

I say “I don’t care” an awful lot for someone that cares an awful lot.

🎶 I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar 🎶

this is pretty crazy but you know what is actually a great stocking stuffer? a foot. it's literally the exact same shape as the stocking, it's wild

Lately I’ve been getting into roaming the desolate wastelands in search of higher meaning

The haunted man spends a day vexed by the many mysteries of life, toiling in his mind from sunrise to sunset. The merry man says, “Huh? Whuh?” and carries on his way, with time yet to till his plot and in the evening swig a dram, while the barmaid returns his unencumbered smile.

The sky is on one tonite

hi! i hope you guys are all still alive

whisper moon whispering

has anyone else noticed that food tasted better in the past? it was mushy and easy to eat. and the spoon would come at you like an airplane

*mouthful of asbestos I’m having the time of my life.

Chat, how’s your mental health today? Take a pause, take a breath, take a beat if you need it.

you're doing great. keep it up

it's ok if you block me i probably deserve it (for having posts that are Too Good)

The cold season is settling in.

Don't let this world turn you cold.

in another time in another place we were made without the capacity to hate

It’s quiet out here with the trees and stars.

The leaf is time made visible.

The bench holds still, No force, no will. Its calmness fills.

if we fight there's only gonna be two hits buddy, me hitting my emotional limit and my tears hitting the ground

“I just want there to be a car that drives itself so I can get places without thinking about it” hello, please meet: train. also see: bus