If you play the bridge backwards in a Target at 12:13pm…

making plans no one can get behind is my superpower

Is my post mid or is your understanding of my post mid

Sometimes you just gotta let things sort out. Because if you fix it, you're going to jail

I wish my house had cool ghosts like in Beetlejuice rather than just the ones from my past.

Pyramids on the ground were just how an ancient puzzle from space was scattered and put together by wind and gravity, and why every constellation contains a secret card table with a box no one can look at

One of those stones that slowly glides on across desert is at the door and probably I should learn whatever it's selling but it's too late, I hesitated and now it'll be going to the next house for years

This hot chick in the mirror knows exactly what I'm on about

idk feels like the little teapot has some kind of humiliation kink or something

revenge is a dish best served after I’ve licked everything on the plate

reinstalled dating apps like a raccoon returning to the same dumpster they got trapped in before

Can’t I’m busy watching people clean rugs

To clear up any recent confusion: I wasn’t flirting with you, I’m just awkward. I didn’t realize you were joking in my comments and replied weird because I’m awkward. I wasn’t subskeeting you, I was saying I’m awkward.

Sucking on other foods outside the Tastee Freeze sucking on a whole roast turkey outside the Tastee Freeze

My favourite thing about this website is that no one gives a shit about what I say, which is how it should be.

I'm no therapist but I am an attorney that specializes in helping you to put yourself in your own will, and it's not just a lesson for life metaphor. You'll get to inherit that firm resolve in a wispy untouchable light

I've planted you all here today in order to dig through what we are trying to absorb, and I'm only talking like this because you are nutrient to these vital experiences, as interns at the glossary of the sun

been there, fucked it up.

I’m a lot of things to a lot of people & the main thing is distant.

My mind's eye is twitching

pipe down and take your meds* *note to self

My amygdala is screaming.

I’m trying my best to lower expectations around here.

I have lived with several Zen masters -- all of them cats. Eckhart Tolle

I said climax instead of climate so now I'm hot and bothered.

Pretty sure the cat just punched me in the face to wake me up

I don’t trust easily but if you bring me nachos I’d risk it.

Actually I only have one ticket to paradise.

I am merely a collection of stardust molded into a semiconscious bag of goo forced to make meaning out of existence while remembering to hydrate.

*takes a hit off my asthma inhaler wanna make out now

Instead of hello, I’ve started answering the phone with “how did you get this number?”

i feel bad for people who never entered their emo phases

Brings a poop knife to a sword fight.

Gonna blow up the world with my toxic femininity

Don’t ever mistake my spiraling for confidence.

I don’t mind my own company, I just wish I would shut up occasionally.

you should be able to chat with the fbi agent assigned to read your text messages. what kind of content is he into?

I promised the universe that if we lived to tell more tales, I would try to become one with warm and fuzzy. It didn't understand me either. "Become one with" or become one warm and fuzzy tale worded badly? I could do both with a old soul puppy

I’m autistic with OCD and it’s hard to explain that I often feel that flossing “one more time” will help with all my problems.

Binge my stupid shows with me or gtfo.

guys, bluesky is dying. if we don't start getting more likes, a greedy developer will bulldoze the site to put up a parking garage. the only thing that can save it is for a ragtag crew of misfits to put on one last big concert at the community center.

I’m too proud for bifocals and too lazy to lift my glasses. I’ll assume these are all bangers.

If you let a balloon go but leave the wish behind because it's too heavy, just don't have wished for more balloons. I painted this for a waiting room and it finally left

big weekend for fathers forsaking their sons

Sadly, I am awake