Autumnal is just fun to say

She's a 1010 but she believes in angel numbers.

<⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠> oop

it is good for you to swallow metal and chemicals from underneath the kitchen sink. do not eat Tylenol

Three tattoos. But who’s counting?

There goes my idea for having spider-man popping out from between my boobs.

Hmmm 🤔 *look at my collarbone tattoo looks at the active forest fire that is my account* I- …hmmmmm

me: have you ever learned braille? cashier: here’s your receipt. have a nice day, ma’am.

I’m not in a weird mood, it’s a lifestyle.

I feel attacked here.

Uh😳 I'm probably *not* worth it, but rude to have it pointed out so viciously

Rude. But also true.

You're wearing THAT to the rapture

the person who steals the most cars tomorrow wins the rapture

in the mid-90’s jimmy kimmel issued a “10 rules for guys” list in usa today where he said “if you can’t change a tire, you’re not allowed to have a beard.” i’ve changed several tires since then and have yet to be contacted about my award of facial hair. jimmy, im coming for you *and* usa today.

If you don’t live skeet my funeral I won’t haunt you 👻

buy my journalism !!! (it's free ! there are no ads ! just read it, share it, and consider tipping me a $3 bill) junoryleejournalism.com

Can I please have money to eat ?

If one of you guys doesn’t do a review of my funeral when I die I swear to gods…

“Shhh… You’ve gotta hear this guitar part.”

maybe he’s cake remember when everything was cake? has anyone checked maybe the whole regime is cake

DIVORCE

with a little love we can make this amazon warehouse an amazon warehome

Oh shit this has all been a misunderstanding based on a typo, the rapture isn't coming, the raptors are. *distant screeching* Hide!

I bit my dentist today. Wasn't even getting a checkup at the time, I just saw him at the supermarket

The bay leaf is the tequila worm of cooked foods

Ok, tell me one thing that queso does not immediately enhance

Shenanigans are the females of the nanigan species.

i am not going to smother my child. since i am a dad i believe it is called sfathering

It's OK, Im not frazzled, I'm delightfully energetic with a hint of "touch me and I'll shiv something"

I'm gonna blow her brains out.

Go ahead, eat that cupcake. Nothing matters

I have had enough. I would like to live in precedented times, please.

Hehehehe tylerfromtheinternet.com/products/to-...

I had a girlfriend in college who warned me about becoming a hedonist I think as I hit my pen at 6:30 in the morning.

Me (and also most of my characters):

So many beautiful stars in my sky! 😘😘😘 Inner Circle: @pretty-vulgar.bsky.social @railroadofsin.bsky.social @alldolledup44.bsky.social @ifuckedyr.mom @flawdbizkit.bsky.social @twosense.bsky.social @coachmark25.bsky.social @theartfulldodger.bsky.social

Pictures or it didn't happen

The internet is today’s five and dime. Is this your first real six string?

This is really relatable. Fuck.

'Advice from a 1918 suffragette pamphlet'

Capital incentives > cost cutting > reduced user experience for the same/more profit

Sweet home was home.

Didn’t the Soviets build Bagram?

It’s tough to go it alone. Here. Take my heart.