Roses are red People poop in the can Behold the stink of a master crapsman

Them: someone had to say it Me: No they didn’t

There are like 3 people on Bluesky right now and I’m two of them

Knees are the elbows of the legs

*walks into a poetry reading* I see depth people

RIP funny thought I had while driving

Herpes the Love Bug

does the empire state building thing involve king kong yes or no

God grant me the serenity of a Chad

Get a hot coffee today. Be iconoclastic

the ghost is spouted up, and away we sail to fight some other world, and go through young life’s old routine again

We shouldn't have stopped throwing tomatoes at people that suck.

Do I repeat my posts sometimes? Yes Will I continue to break rules? Also yes

fix your hearts…WITH PIE

the problem with supergirl is men hate a powerful woman who they also really want to fuck

I hope the bee who just flew through the open windows of my truck while stuck in traffic enjoyed the Latin jazz I was rocking out to

you can dress in neon colors and dance around silly this weekend if that makes you smile

Being constantly outraged should burn more calories

In the Underdog cartoon, the hero always spoke in rhyme. While fighting crime. It was ahead of its time.

Let’s time-travel backward like there’s no tomorrow.

I have the best reposts

*on your ring camera* hi, i need you to post more

My energy

Teddy Pendergr-Ass

fitness level: vultures were circling me on my run today

Violent Asses

Misery doesn't love company, misery loves unlimited pizza buffets.

Ass-o-smith

Crosby, Stills and Ass

Before you block me, I just wanted you to know that I believe in you.

We have whimsy at home

I bet Mr. Rogers was a generous lover.

Ginger-soy sauce salmon with rice and mixed (dark) greens salad Yes, I am fantastic

If you're a guy chatting me up, here are several things I don't wanna do: Chat me up.

accidentally wore my i’m a pussy ass bitch t-shirt and now i’m in congress

I like AND repost because believe it or not, it doesn’t cost a thing

who am i anyway? am i my resume?

He would ALWAYS organize his balls in a row for us. Play was too important to leave to chance. He’d be sleeping now, recharging for the next toss or swim or wrestle or leap. He was a pure and loving and joyful soul in a hard world and even now, resting by the black cherry tree, he teaches us.

ChatGPT said you were a fuckaas

what if we made out in the deli section of the grocery store

*getting hit in the face with a shovel My god, I love you.

ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNTS.

posting my nudes in amazon product reviews

the world outside is spiteful🎶🎶

Don’t let your peace cost you too much.

Don’t try a trust fall with democrats in the senate unless you have a great chiropractor.

I’ve started making pharmaceuticals in my garage if anyone wants to save a few bucks.

remember when romance meant poetry and travel and nonstop sex instead of them accompanying you to costco on a sunday morning and pushing the heavy cart

Let go of what you can’t control so your hands can hold more snacks.