I was led to believe many more rich people would be requesting grey poupon from their cars

The optometrist messed up my prescription. I'm so mad I can't see straight.

Oh, you have a life? Gross

Me: I'm feeling social Anyone: *Talks to me* Me: Oh, nevermind

If you are going to stay off Bluesky for the weekend, I’ll be forced to get a life and then you’ll miss me terribly when I’m away

I lost it at “FUCKING KYLE!” #caturday

My husband just said, “I’m sorry you’re cranky” to me which completely cured me of any crankiness

In a blind taste test, 8 out of 10 people preferred fucking around to finding out.

Owning a winning lottery ticket would fix me.

They should invent a social media where the adults don't act like high schoolers.

woke up with morning would *would go back to sleep

Bluesky? More like Deadsky amiright?? (crickets)

I should have listened when my ex told me he could juggle..

Don't tell me things. I don't actually want to know anything unless it is super gross.

not now kitten, daddy's on fire

I’m too lazy to take a good selfie right now, so just assume that I’m hot.

Meh

Seriously tho... I'm here you fuckaas bitch

Grab life by the horns. Then impale yourself with them.

Vaginas are the butt of the front

Since Search Link has retired, if you want a link to all your posts in your bio (you do), you'll now have to make one yourself. You can do that with skyfeed.app. It's kinda tedious, but it can be done. Tell your friends.

petition to get more people to agree with me

If any of you have some extra thoughts, prayers, good vibes, weather manipulation abilities, rain dances, or other rain manifestation skills, please point them in the direction of the Labor Mountain fire, which is threatening the cabin my grandpa built by hand, where my dad currently lives 🤞🏻🌧️🌧️🌧️

Its still here @leela-after-dark.bsky.social

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Fool me 3 times, shame on me Fool me 4 times, shame on me (Keep going, I’m really gullible)

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

Interact with me, right now!

Like my squash

Timeline perfection @grilldcheese.bsky.social @brucecoffman.bsky.social

Another way to understand wood grain is to pet a cat

so rude of you to expect me to post good

sorry for being kinda depressing today, it’s the depression

I just got beers and Chinese food so imma bouta be buzzed and gassy. Who wants this (crotch chop)?

I may be dead but this timeline is “dead-er”

He’s a 10, but he blows snot rockets rather than using tissues

He’s a 10, but he spits loogies in public

Might fuck around and drive into a tree today idk yet

Every day is a new day to spiral a little differently

If you follow me and I haven’t fb, reply to this post so I can do so.

Delete like no one’s watching…

He told me to have a nice day so I won't. I will not let a man win.

In-store pick-up at Lowe's followed by an email and a text asking me to rate how THEY did. I ordered the part, I paid for the part, I came into the store, I showed them my bar code, and carried the part out to my car. I did a great job. 5 ⭐. I would highly recommend doing this with myself again.

Not everyone you meet is going to like you. You need to accept that those people are hideously ugly

It's almost impossible to make things shitty enough for people to change established habits, but they're working on it.

Can i come over and watch you do literally anything?

“that was so fucking dumb” -me after hitting send