One of those magic mirror milk commercials from the 80’s, but my future self is doubled over on the toilet with cramps and explosive diarrhea yelling, “MILK DOES YOUR BODY BAD, SAVE YOURSELF”

Nothing makes my pussy dry up quite like the word “sapiosexual.”

Dear Bunnings in Preston, Why?? Sincerely, My heart-attack-having ass after the jumpscare I experienced at the top of the stairs upon seeing that giant scary clown Halloween decoration you had set up there jfc

Boner.

Here’s a photo dump from the creepy old home-grown theme park I went to today. Enjoy.

Subtly downgrade a band: Bronze Maiden

blown the fuck out olive oil

PERSON ON LEDGE OF TALL BUILDING: I’m gonna do it COP: you don’t need to do this, come down ME: step aside I got this *pulls out keyboard and begins playing the intro to Jump*

I started wearing a chain on my glasses in preparation for my final form of eccentric old hag with moderate to severe joint pain.

Sorry for everything I’ve ever said and that I can’t stop talking.

normal people flirting: hey you're cute we should go out sometime 😉 me flirting: you wanna watch lord of the rings extended edition ☺️

no one takes classic fiction like great expectations or the american constitution seriously anymore

Nothing like screaming “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” while getting bruised and coated in other people’s sweat to blow off some steam and switch out of teaching mode.

“Still punk as fuck” I murmur, trying to squeeze my orthotic insoles into my 30-year-old Doc Martens.

Who decided to call it a “wet dream” instead of a “snoregasm?”

I wore a little cross to the parent teacher conferences just in case any of the parents turned out to be vampires.

I had a bit of a rant to my year 9 students about how the “alpha male” is based on junk science about wolves and that wolf pack “alphas” were just dads and this one kid was like “so when I have kids…I’ll be an alpha?” “Yup.” He looked so happy.

THEY BROUGHT MY TRUE LOVE BACK TO AUSTRALIA THANK YOU I NEEDED THIS RIGHT NOW! 😍😍😍

The guy delivering my Subway order complimented my Oodie and I almost pointed out the Subway jibbit on my matching Crocs but I didn’t want to accidentally seduce him too much.

the blanket fort stays up during sex

Cool eyeball things: a thread

Plumpkin Spice Hottie is this anything?

Brad Pitt off his shit: 12 Monkeys Snatch Fight Club

Here’s a poem called ‘English Roundabouts’.

I can’t get them here. I have to substitute with “hiphopshallots”

some of you have never heard of the spice and it flows

A few years ago I taught a kid in Queensland who happens to be named Tyler Robinson and I genuinely hope he’s doing ok. He was a nice lad but I imagine it’s not easy having that name at the moment.

teachers have a lot of explaining to do

A friend of mine was on Charlie Kirk's "watch list" of Black professors. She received so many death and rape threats that her university offered her a security detail for the walk to class. This is Kirk's legacy. You would never know it from reading all of these legacy newspaper op-eds about him.

Pour one out for my glasses which currently missinb, so now I have to wear my old aviator style ones that make me look like Jeffrey Dahmer if he was a middle-aged lesbian.

you know, in the 24 hours I was banned I had time to think about my actions. and so I want to say this to my followers and online community: poopoopeepee

who runs perimenopausetown bluesky runs perimenopausetown

Meanwhile in Australia, a perfectly normal bird ruins a picnic.

Me: The tooth fairy won’t be able to get to your tooth if your room is too messy Ms6: But she can fly! Me: The mess messes up her flying ability Ms6: How do you know? Me: I know stuff Ms6: I don’t think that’s true Me: (doesn’t say “well she’s not real it doesn’t matter anyway so whatever”)

Instead of stressing myself out about the news last night, I watched a 90 minute interview with Les Claypool and had that dream again where I started learning to play the bass. 10/10 would recommend.

Man! I LOVE Danielle Moodie!!! 💜💜💜 She’s full throttle after a great night sleep last night & she’s bringing some historical & contextual receipts! GREAT watch! @daniellemoodie.bsky.social

please don't keep suspending accounts that I love it's not nice

if it wasn't obvious free @dly.bsky.social

"I think it's worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights" - Charlie Kirk, 2023 www.mediamatters.org/charlie-kirk...

I can’t be the only person who noticed that Mean Girls and Girl, Interrupted are basically the exact same move.

I can diagnose people by looking at them. Cunts. All cunts.

Am I autistic or was I just the only kid with a Sega instead of a Nintendo?

He’s a 10 but he doesn’t understand scientific notation.

Doctor I trust more than RFK Jr

Doctor I trust more than RFK Jr

when cats follow each other on social media does that make them mewtuals

Post a perfect album from the 90’s that isn’t Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden or Alice In Chains