@stonedeva.bsky.social Happy birthday Lizzy, you crazy popular gardening diva! Have the the best birthday month, you deserve it! 🎉🥳🎈🎊🎁🍾👯

timeline really improved after i muted all the words

McDonald's: will you be using rewards points today? Me: no McDonald's: OH WOW WELL ORDER WHENEVER YOU'RE READY MR ROCKEFELLER

My boss keeps sends my me pics and vids. She got a new dog to add to her dog collection. lol She is a crazy dog lady (she also has a husband)

Accidentally got a shirt that was John Wicking and now my desperate bid for internal peace has been replaced by a craving for vengeance that is measured in bodies.

Omg bring back the quill and parchment! Bring back churning your own butter! Hell bring back candles, log cabins, log fires, horse n cart! The dark ages! Bubonic plague! No one believes in vaccines anyway! Hey ho let’s go! People will appreciate technology soon afterward!

I'm sorry I made a format joke. Please respond.

Bluesky: tell me your food crimes -> I eat all snack foods with chop sticks so I don’t get my fingers messy

Don't worry, pancakes. When shit bubbles up, I flip too.

Why do these lays have to say “REAL potatoes”? Do people think they’re made with plastic ones otherwise?

i like the serendipity of gross things like pus, colostomy bag, and mucus having gross names

i needed to borrow a tool from a neighbor with whom i share a back fence and rather than have me walk around the block he just yelled “CLEAR” and hurled it over his shed

Wrapping my antidepressants in cheese because I’m not too proud to learn from a dog

america is a country in the same way mcdonalds is a restaurant

some of my favorite people have me muted reminds me of home

Once these chocolate feathers are rustled, its stover for you bitches

This day in history. 1838. The first recorded baseball game was played at Beachville Ontario, with five bases instead of four and special ground rules for cow interference.

Putting everyone’s phone in light mode until morale improves

There’s a tornado warning in Winnipeg so I’m dressing up like Dorothy and hoping for the best. Jk, jk, I was already dressed like Dorothy.

My friend’s dog went to the rainbow bridge today. Harold was a great friend. Loved making him feel happy giving him treats. 🌈 #rainbowbridge he was a rescue and he had a great 14 year life.

a spin-off of life where not every single thing is a dumpster fire

Clicking through the channels on the hotel tv to learn about a show called “K9PD with Jim Belushi” where he narrates videos of police dogs attacking various suspects.

Hey don’t threaten me with a good time flesh-eating screwworm

woke up ready for bed again

The children's vintage clothing market is booming in LA, and there are some kids out and about dressed cool as hell. I don't even have kids and this is an exciting market I'd like to play in lol

FRIEND: omg what happened to your eye MOON: *does throat-cut motion* ME: uhh i ran into a door

*manually adding spiders into my cpap mask to meet my lifetime allowance

Sabotaging the entire office by converting everyone’s powerpoints into nearly immovable petroglyph files.

I can't believe I spent my childhood riding around on an acoustic bike.

Daily bunny no.3338 is a nature photographer

Max loves you.

look how much craftsmanship we've lost in clothing in just a hundred years

Cooper resting up for another round of playing catch with his new ball.

Supermarket food samples are nice, but why no bank money samples or dealership car samples?

Daily Kevin

nOT tHE CUTE buNNY thATs who!

eating another sandwich cause who’s gonna stop me

a proper veterinary practice has 2 doctors who are 85 and 29, one kinda goth lady, the gently autistic guy with unusual pets, horse girl with a 150lb Rottweiler, the front desk lady is Dana from The Pitt, no one know what Ryan does

arby’s cashier: do you want some horsey sauce? me: yes chef

an episode of Looney Tunes where Bugs Bunny gets 3/4 of the GOP to chase him dressed up like a girl rabbit

Portrait of a murderbird

All these reminders to vote are getting out of hand, I got 250 calls last week, a neighbor keyed “VOTE” in my car, and this morning someone tied a ballot to an arrow and shot me in the dick

eye twitching my way through the fuckery

The United States is the Florida of Earth

starting to have second thoughts about the contractors i found on craigslist

origami artists make terrible poker players because they always fold

i knew i won the rap battle when i made the cutting remarks about how their different colored upper and lower kitchen cabinets isn’t timeless but just a design fad and the crowd all gasped