🔊

Don't learn things the hard way. I learned that the hard way..

this stare intentionally left blank

They only have four strings so they should be called ‘ivolins’. Thanks for reading.

Boy, if we were seahorses, I would get you *so pregnant*

rewatched midsommar tonight and tbh buxmyndig being referred was the creepiest thing in that whole film

BOXING REFEREE [pacifist]: guys stop

Practissing my Howlerween stance

celebrities out walking characters they’ve played instead of their dogs: thread

im being gangstalked by the consequences of my actions

"we cannot express our regrets profoundly enough, but it is our hope that you will use these two free passes to return to jurassic park"

2Smart2Tuff

YOU CANNOT GRIND THE BONES OF YOUR ENEMIES INTO DUST TOMORROW IF YOU DO NOT TAKE YOUR MEDICATIONS.

Witnesses Assumed Charlie Kirk Shooter Was Just Ordinary Gunman On School Campus

he died doing what he loved most: not preventing easily preventable gun deaths

Now that Disney owns Fox, which means they own the Alien franchise, I can't stop thinking about how the Alien Queen is now a Disney Princess/Queen.

Washing instructions are stupid. You're going in the washing machine and you're gonna deal with it.

is mayor mccheese's head an actual cheeseburger? or is just a coincidence of evolution?

i constantly think about this post

Sure, calling them travel writers is fine, but I just feel that ‘journeylists’ would’ve been so much better.

we’re about to see a second wave of teen reddit atheism the world has never seen before

just now realizing that dumb is a palindrome

ME: why are you holding a strobe light? WIFE: it’s a mood ring

the problem is that if I say something back to you then you say another thing and then I have to think of more things to say back and it’s just not a risk I am willing to take ok

It's a confusing time. I don't even know who my real imaginary friends are anymore.

My boyfriend's body is machine that turns 𝕥𝕨𝕠 𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤 into 𝕣𝕖-𝕨𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔹𝕣𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕕𝕤 (𝟚𝟘𝟙𝟙)

witnessed a young couple at the beach, both insane baddies, each with complete focus on their separate magazine of sudokus and the aura was palpable, the couplest of goals

Keep your friends close & your enemies between your friends. Arrange the table like this: friend, enemy, friend, enemy, Timothy, etc.

Here’s a photo of my cat trying to catch a bubble. You’re welcome.

got banned for life from the TaleSpin forums for suggesting that Baloo in TaleSpin is NOT the same bear as Baloo in The Jungle Book. People were screaming at me to shut the fuck up even though I provided EVIDENCE

It's weird to think about now, but not so long ago there was an entire year where it was literally 1984

is he, y'know, a

My Bitch Elf Wife, Who Will Outlive Me By 100s of Years, Is Making Me Do The Dishes And Take Out The Trash, On My Limited Human Time.... SMH!!

Transphobes are a public menace.

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: The Best In-Detentions

So you’re telling me the Wizard of Oz presented itself as a towering force of overwhelming technology, only to be unmasked as just some guy, off-screen?

the brain that can see a face in a wall outlet was always doomed to hear the voice of God in a markov chain

🧵A president on the roof. Sounds crazy, no? But here in our little country of America, you might say every one of us is a president on the roof, trying to create an authoritarian state without breaking his neck. It isn't easy.

MAN: What's that, girl? Trouble at the old mine? LEFT-WING LASSIE: Woof! [The miners are striking for better pay and conditions] MAN: B-but Billy's down there! LEFT-WING LASSIE: Woof! [BILLY'S A SCAB]

Arriving in Toronto and demanding an audience with Tim Horton

Conscience is Spanish for with science.

Thank you for this, I just borrowed, read in its entirety, and then returned, "Mr. Boop", the real life story of @alecrobbins.bsky.social real life marriage to the real life Betty Boop, in real life

Conspiracy theorists all seem so unbelievably dumb that I suspect they've been planted by a shadowy and nefarious underground organization to distract us from what's really going on.