who was the first telegraph shitposter. what was it. stuff like "bloop bloop my good man she S on my OS until i MayDay stop"

Coffee isn't enough I stare directly at the sun for 30 seconds

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, Charlie Brown

They should make statues of regular people. Like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff

Actually, Mr. Potato Head was the name of the inventor

Steak ’N Shake Employee Screams After Nude RFK Jr. Climbs Out Of Beef Tallow Fryer

My wife is all pissed because I reported her to PETA for beating a dead horse.

I’m reading a book about drilling deep vertical holes. It’s boring

**Snorting lines of hot chocolate and sharpening candy canes to prepare for the war on Christmas.

I'm book Picasso place the it's reading a and about all over

I'm reading a book about plumbing but I just can't see where it's going

dreamt about nanobots that fell in love, replicated, and covered the earth in grey goo until life was extinguished. why am i like this

if you have pedialyte in your cart along with alcohol that should count as your ID

Abstract evening in the rain...

[making phone call] me: hello yes, i have a structured settlement- jg wentworth: ok me: and it’s working out great jg wentworth: (venomous) you son of a bitch

Hey homie can I offer you an assortment of leftover Taco Bell hotsauce packets as an hors d'oeuvres?

Hey #booksky if you like a hide-the-body thriller that keeps it moving with ratcheting tension and plot twists, may I suggest The Cemetery Spot by @jennamoquin.bsky.social The reveal of the dark secret from the past gave me legit goosebumps. www.amazon.com/Cemetery-Spo...

Taunting my enemies by making a sandwich where 1 bread is at a 90° angle to the other bread

The Devil whispered in my ear, “You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.” Instant boner.

don’t even talk to me until i’ve had my night potato

Watching "The Witcher: Sirens of the Deep" with my son: Shouting "Fishfucker!" at random intervals is wonderful, "Chekhov's Rifle" is now "Chekhov's Asshole" and is threatening to mutate into other body parts. This is real parenting.

Growing up in a time when “selling out” was the most shameful thing you could do and then being forced to live through the 2020s feels like being kicked in the head by a horse every day

This goes for pretty much every creature except cops to be fair

no no the toymaker is geppetto pinocchio is geppetto’s monster

I always get so fucken depressed in the weeks leading up to my birthday. I know this is a known phenomenon but heres the thing: it fucking sucks. Im trying to live my life but the sickly blanket of malaise weighs heavy on my shoulders. My soul smells like rotting leaves

The itsy bitsy spider’s name is Sisyphus. Not many people know this.

In testing backyard wooden structures it’s important to have two groups. One gets an authentic, decorative round wooden shelter and the other gets a gacebo

In clown testing, it's important to have two treatment groups. One gets a genuine clown, and the other gets a placebozo.

Goooood morning, Bluesky! Today's episode is brought to you by Target. We here at Target are fully committed to the ultimate shopping experience. If you notice any associates not smiling, please report them to our compliance department.

a girl should not have to work if it’s misty. She should be allowed to wander the moors wailing as nature intended

It is Robert Louis Stevenson's birthday. He was among the first storytellers to write about the duality of individuals - and how horrific that duality can be: #WriterSky #BookSky #BOTD

Sophia will not be denied

Triple labubus

ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNTS.

I'm 'seen people smoke in a hospital' years old

art deco is short for arthur decoration. not many people know this

Roman doctors be like: HE NEEDS A 4, STAT

Deer + bunny + cargo shorts = kangaroo

its always funny to me when people say college brainwashed their kids, considering it's the only place that actively taught me what critical thinking is and that you shouldnt just blindly trust stuff

“Why is literacy important?” Socioeconomic Politics Nerd: *rambles on about civic engagement, material enrichment, individual well-being, etc* Joyce Carol Oates: If you are literate, you can drive a billionaire into a mental breakdown!

Wait… do the writers think that we think that the Daniel Craig bond and the Sean Connery bond are… the exact same person?

"it is what it is" is the "have a blessed day" of the north, i.e. "there is no hope for you "

i’ve never known anything my entire life and i prefer to keep it that way

Hamburger helps those that help themselves

Thro’ the Wood (John Atkinson Grimshaw, 1836 - 1893)

some girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, i'm nonsense and shenanigans and whatever was in Kurt Cobain's cardigans

While you're here- if you'd like an invite code to join the email service with the right attitude fuck.it while it's still exclusive, send an email to me: [email protected] and tell me a joke. If I laugh, I'll send you a code. If I don't, you owe me your soul

Oh you thought I didn't have more? There are at least 1k hilarious accts on this app and I know all their middle names, okay?

If you're not on that first one, don't be cry. I'm making three and it's really difficult finding all my people at 6 am. Here's list two. Some of my best friends aren't on either of these and I know it. Hang in there, it's coming go.bsky.app/3KzRR2m