Dear Lincoln Elementary School, Because you denied me the 5th Grade Fire Prevention Poster Design Prize, I can no longer focus purely on not doing arson

That’s me in the corner That’s me in the spotlight Loosing my derision

With alt text.

A year of Trump. Cartoon from 2025. #Trump #tariffs #deal #NoDeal

Ready to take on Trumpzilla? Cartoon for Dutch newspaper @trouw.nl. #Trump #Trumpzilla #Europe

Today is National Thesaurus Day. Personally, we find these made-up holidays contemptible, abhorrent, nauseating, repugnant, and unpalatable.

Average Sunday show interview: OFFICIAL: we are going to dip enemies of the state into acid vats HOST: how will you pay for it? OFFICIAL: tariffs HOST: critics say tariffs don't generate acid vat money OFFICIAL: tariffs have generated more money than has ever existed HOST: thank u for ur time

"Inside you there are two wolves." I knew that "100% beef" claim was bullshit.

Please use alt-text. Its an easy good deed that takes no time at all. It doesn't have to be perfect. Alt-text is the right thing to do. Please consider using it so those with vision impairment can participate as well. Your shit is funny and profound and deserving of Alt-text.

In another reality

In cities everywhere.

New Food Pyramid Just Picture of Cow

"If the VICP is overwhelmed by too many claims and goes bankrupt, manufacturers become financially liable. Facing new risks of lengthy and expensive litigation, they will stop selling vaccines in the U.S." So, immunity for ICE, but not for vaccine makers. www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/202...

A Nazi (2026)

Imagine being so unlikeable that you poll lower than Vance, a braying beady eyed pig man with all the charm of a surprise venereal disease announcement

Heads up, there's a setting that prevents you from posting an image without adding the alt text. Prevents that oops. :) (Mine probably looks a little off because I'm using a browser, not the app).

Doo dah Doo dah

Hey, people are permanently losing their eyesight at some of these protests and have been for some time. These people, the ones that have put their bodies on the line, are among the people who would benefit from your usage of alt-text when posting protest related imagery.

If you're seeing encouragement/demands to do alt text and you're overwhelmed or confused about how to do it and you're worried you're going to do it wrong... this thread is for you. First: prompt questions to get you started.

The classy move would have been to give Machado the FIFA Peace Prize in return.

Good reminder from this state highway!

#BREAKING My cat Bette has been made Governor General of Canada 🫡

We're going to need a bigger vomitorium.

I was very annoyed at not winning the big penis prize (due to my penis size being rejected by the judges for some reason) but now the big penis prize winner has given me the big penis prize so now everyone knows I have the big penis.

15-25 year old me: tee hee i love all the deaths in the final destination movies 40 year old me: this is what happens when you get rid of regulations and oversight. Everything is shoddily built and they’re cutting corners

Not many people know this but if you steal Usain Bolt's gold medal from off of his chest you become the fastest person on Earth. You have to catch him first, though, either by running faster than him or by using your army

Vaccination against whooping cough, RSV and flu during pregnancy saves babies lives, but expectant parents are sometimes unsure. How do I know it's safe? Will it protect my baby? To answer these questions, we've created www.vaccinesinpregnancy.org #ObGynSky #MedSky #ImmunoSky 1/

Now then.

NOT-ICE! Made from pig fat, as nature intended.

And that "one other thing"? It's people. People!!!

At multiple times in recent years I've been reminded of a cab driver who in late 2016 after Trump won the election was certain that Obama would implement martial law in order to stay in power.

please do not read any of the secret documents I left in my unlocked car when I ran away before. I was scared and had to run away to get a bigger gun and it’s not fair for you guys to grab those documents while I was gone. those are mine, and I need them for my big mission. please give them back

Introduce yourself with 5 facts: ⒈ ⒉ ⒊ ⒋ ⒌ (On second thought, perhaps I shouldn’t have chosen an instrumental track for this format.)

New guy at the bar: “I’m a Pureblood!” (Covid type.) Shall definitely sit as far away from him as possible.

For non-German speakers: “Dear media, I can’t stand the headline "No agreement between the US and Denmark” any longer. If an armed man storms a bank, you don't run the headline: "Robber and cashier can't reach an agreement on money transfer." Stop framing imperial aggression as normal diplomacy.”

you can just go ask crows stuff instead of asking chatgpt

Liebe Medien, ich kann die Schlagzeile "Keine Einigung zwischen USA und Dänemark" nicht mehr sehen. Wenn ein Bewaffneter eine Bank stürmt, titelt ihr doch auch nicht: "Räuber und Kassiererin finden keinen Konsens über Geldübergabe." Hört auf, imperiale Aggression als normale Diplomatie zu framen.

becoming Death, the destroyer of worlds, to own the libs

“It was the best of times, it was the winter of our discontent, call me Ishmael.” (Why I wasn’t an English major.)

Lucy with the soup can.

She is out there practicing, She going to areas, She takes hotel rooms, She practices en masse I want a mom in a gang with a wine , wiiiiiine glass.

Here is another lie going around. This "quote" from this "statute" isn't actually in the statute. Don't believe everything you read on the Interwebs. Link to the statute: https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/cite/609.066

from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee

I am actually going to start believing in hell so that these people have a place to go.

Just under the wire

Just mixed up two movies from my childhood and now I’m dying to see What’s Eating Roger Rabbit

a ghost pachyderm is just an elephantom

so glad it's over

i was always saying that the problem with the gestapo was inadequate training