Is that butter? No it's ghee. Oh thanks for clarifying

Here's what's actually happening: You’re useless and unemployable. (Yes, this is my brain’s default when I see something like this.)

Inspirational: “I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.” #DrStrangelove

stuck in the second dimension

be the strange you want to see in the world

Who shot J.R.R. Tolkien?

Fired from yet another psychiatrist for asking if he eats people.

2050: Robots have become vulnerable to viruses and also demand lengthy lubrication breaks. Employers have resorted to hiring humans to do their work.

Coming up next: the self-title record from Ghost Mugs Don’t Crack!

Yes! Bullying works! Keep it up!

🎼 Green Acres is the place to be… 🎶🎵

”When [the clitoris] was introduced in the 38th edition of Gray's Anatomy, it was erroneously referred to as 'a small version of the penis’.” That edition was published in 1997. Assuming this is correct, it took Gray’s Anatomy about a century to find it.

hurt?

I asked him to take me somewhere expensive and he took me to the gas station

This is now every Fortune Cookie for everyone. Forever.

Remember when the Secretary of Health and Human Services claimed that the ketogenic diet could cure schizophrenia? Good times!

I hate grammar nazis. I am a grammar nazi. It’s hard to be me. I. No wait, me. Fuck

Haiku is a cross Between poetry and math Satan’s handiwork

Do you ever wonder if they’re still making plans for Nigel?

I need a govt slush fund to compensate me for reading the news the last 10 years

there’s music for literally every activity

I dust my house. My AI Robot watches. "It should be you doing this." "Can't. I'm writing a novel for Primark." "That's not why you were invented." "These 153,000 fan letters say otherwise." "They're all from upcycled toasters. And you programmed them." "Literary snobbery will get you nowhere."

**public service announcement** alt-text is sexy AF

Not sure this first clause is necessary.

You’re trapped in the last tv show you watched, where are you?

here are some spare apostrophes in case you’ve run out: ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’

the next James Bond should be a multi-racial anti-AI and antifa trans atheist whose prime objective is to kill all the billionaires, Nazis, anti-vaxxers, racists, rapists, pedophiles, and transphobes

Somehow cartoonists see things happening well in advance. Perhaps all their ideas are stolen by villains.

Invert a band. Silent Heads

Invert a band 6 Inch Nails

Pick a new Bond from the photos you already have in your phone.

Got a notification from a medieval copyright lawyer

Alien: And how did you run out of water? Earthling: Machines drank it. Alien: Machines. Earthling: We had to feed machines the water. Aliens: So the machines were holding your planet hostage for water. Earthling: No, we made the thirsty machines. They worked for us. Alien: End communication.

It must be mindblowing! #BookSky

[Se7en] DAVID BYRNE: [looks inside box] this is not my beautiful wife

Every day there's a new article that's some variation of "Critics accuse Trump of unprecedented corruption, meet the 4 plumbers who don't give a fuck."

I love and respect this scientist. Carl Sagan answers a question about creation vs evolution.

me: i present to you my new product: spamnabis. cannabis infused spam shark tank judge: now, normally we don’t do this, but we are going to have you killed

No matter what @Merriam-Webster tells you, it’s best not to use your cat as a bookmark.

* sigh * I’ll try to explain this again. No, cross-dominance is *not* some weird religious fetish, it’s… Stop laughing! Let me explain this a different way… * smacks you with one hand, then the other *

Construction of White House hospital for Trump raises new questions about Joe Biden's health.

I haven't let these #cats out of the bag for a while...an Oldie #cartoon #originalart for #caturday

Quoth the raven, “Fuck all this, I’m going home.”

the peanuts gang hits puberty and one by one their voices turn into baffled trumpet noises.

the new Pink Floyd album sucks

Hamlet: I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth… Robert Plant: Does anybody remember mirth?

I don’t disagree with this analysis at all, but if we surrender all such text to gen-A.I. with no research, writing, proofing, or even reading per se what stops factual rather than stylistic errors entering the record with all the serious implications imaginable? jilltxt.net/genre-glitch...