Aziz Ansari on 6Music breakfast tomorrow - can't wait for all the fun Riyadh Comedy Festival anecdotes he's sure to tell!* *provided it's been agreed he won't be asked about playing the Bonesaw Fringe

would be awful if Mone took Johnson, Gove, Hancock etc to court wouldn't it

well then stop using his website my good man!!!!!!! you can't hang out on someone's lawn all day every day then complain that he happens to also be on the lawn!

What a way to find out I banged my head on 30th September & I’ve woken up on 1st April

1st October. Your coffee? Pumpkin spice. Your sandwich? Pumpkin spice. Your train to work? Pumpkin spice. Your boss? Pumpkin spice. You look in the mirror - what are you? No, not pumpkin spice. You’re human. But then you start to peel your skin off. What are you? In tremendous pain

Pete Davidson, whose father died in 9/11, takes gold at the Mental Gymnastics Olympics: “he did suggest he was happy to forget 9/11 for the right price: “I just know I get the routing, and then I see the number, and I go, ‘I’ll go.’”

maybe once all the top military brass see how dumb their bosses are, they’ll stage the first coup motivated by embarrassment

Latest from the "free speech" warrior, whipping up baseless accusations in a Trumpian way while forgetting about, for example, Jo Cox, who was murdered by a far-right terrorist

yes telling generals and admirals they're fat is a surefire way to win them over and make them respect you, pls continue

Pete Hegseth is gabbling complete bilge at senior & decorated military personnel. For no reason, this popped in my head

Here’s a good piece about what it takes to be an immigrant in the UK by an immigrant who Nigel Farage would summarily deport www.thetimes.com/article/ffe3...

just the sort of comforting description you like to hear about a man overseeing a nuclear superpower

that immaculate vetting process strikes again

PSA: Dead Man’s Shoes is on Film4 tonight

the funniest joke you’ll hear involved with the Bonesaw Fringe

guys, pro-tip, don't get a paper cut inflicted by the sharp edge of a tinfoil/metal ibuprofen blister pack, hope that helps

the Riyadh Comedy Festival’s dream booking would be Bernard Manning

2014…

what a night to be Sunday Melania, he won’t stop going on about the golf

the US has lost the Ryder Cup so Donald Trump has declared war on Europe

very funny bit in a US tv show where a character goes to a tough roughneck biker bar & everyone is drinking Bud Light, very funny

completely forgot I own Italia 90 Subbuteo balls

Stefan Dennis dancing to the neighbours theme #strictly

is Anton’s hair as real as his name #strictly

when will Anton’s new hair be introduced #Strictly

it was a joke but here we are

if only people’s concerns about politicians’ demonisation of asylum seekers & the rise of far-right violence were viewed as legitimate as racists not liking tEH fORrInERs www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

A 64-year-old man has been arrested on suspicion of arson with intent to endanger life after a fire at a London hotel housing asylum seekers. This is where we are now. Where are the politicians to call this out? Or do they not want to upset their right wing base? www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

What they can’t stand is other people not having their sense of British exceptionalism & being more open-minded

‘There’s absolutely no news whatsoever about a Reform politician being found guilty of taking Russian bribes, and here’s that’s why it’s bad news for Keir Starmer’

‘release the Epstein files,’ he demanded, while stepping on the world’s largest rake

‘release the Epstein files,’ he demanded, while stepping on the world’s largest rake

Grill Farage on this, you supine media wankers. He's been allowed to speak about anything but the Ukraine conflict for way too fucking long.

that immaculate vetting process strikes again

I’ve run an opinion poll which shows the public is 99% sick and tired of polls saying who’ll be elected prime minister years away from a general election

the drama-addicted lobby’s desperation for a new high has reached hysterical levels

GMB apparently have a new presenter

Brit Card is that actor who was in that thing, quite posh, has that face, you know who I mean

the bear isn’t a red herring, it’s a bear, looks nothing like a fish #taskmaster

Brit Card is that actor who was in that thing, quite posh, has that face, you know who I mean

Witch: children, taste my gingerbread house, feast on its sugary goodness 6-year-old Paul Hollywood: *nibbles roof tile* it’s underbaked and the flavour doesn’t work at all - how much ginger did you put in?

I feel not enough attention (mockery) is made of the fact that Harry Cole’s YouTube show, which is part of his attempt to pivot to America, is called “Harry Cole Saves The West”. I feel this could be mocked more. This deserves more mockery.

BBC news with its Farage fetish and which has run several uncritical interviews with racist agitators outside the homes of people seeking asylum has just put on a hot dog suit

An important read about the background and possible motivation of the ICE shooter. His friends describe him as an extremely online edge lord, with no strong political leanings. www.kenklippenstein.com/p/the-ice-sh...

‘… because we’re working out what to make up’

the basic rules of cryptozoological journalism are: Whowolf Whatwolf Whenwolf Wherewolf Whywolf