Those fucking racists who’ve spent the last fifteen years demonising Poles, complaining about Polski Skleps on high streets, demanding their deportation, now trying to use the murder of Henry Nowak for their own racist purposes can fuck right off.

Have you, like me, spent the last 26 years worrying if the Canadian Potato Museum STILL has the display of various potato diseases with potatoes in little coffins? Stop worrying. I checked today. Still there.

Big let down, to be honest

Ok this is a truly great tweet

The last time I listened to Sonny Rollins was a few months back watching a 1980s show called Night Music where he guested. I'll drop this here, simply for its unavailability anywhere on streaming or physical medium: Rollins doing a solo on Leonard Cohen's "Who by Fire".

this is the most millennial dad joke ever conceived

grogu has been caught and compromised to a permanent end

"Nisi decree you, decree you... NISI"

Happy 13th anniversary to that terrible misunderstanding at a WI meeting.

This Weeks Onion Magazine: You’re Not Wrong, Babies Are Getting Worse: Enshittification Comes For A Once-Beloved Classic

The Eighteen Ronnies

Damn, Tyrell’s changed their recipe

ME: what are these red dots on my skin DR: those are bedbug bites ME: oh no what should i do DR: you need to sleep tighter

Yes, Swiss scientist Fritz Zwicky coined the term “dark matter” which is impressive, but he also coined the term “spherical bastard” to describe people who are bastards no matter which way you look at them, and I think that should be celebrated more.

oh great now where am I supposed to get my world’s biggest condoms

When my keybeard was brokne Werw you thwre? Werw you thwre? When my keybeard was brokne Werw you thwre?

They're cowards for not doing this.

Well, I can tell you what gosh-darned *isn’t* up

Usha should be worried. Catholics only do this when they can't secure an annulment.

you shouldn’t learn about bands from shady TikTok manipulation, you should learn about bands by hanging out with a girl you like but are also extremely afraid of

Mail is running a poll on whether the UK should rejoin the EU. Takes seconds to vote and it's going hilariously well... www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...

When I get a new follower

all these universities kept axing medieval history departments as if they thought tyrants beefing with the Pope was going to stop being relevant

Again, I don’t see how you can read this as anything other than Trump trying to normalize the idea of using nuclear weapons

A proper dad, well he never really had one It’s not on file if the child was a glad one There was no trial for whatever it was the lad done And if that’s a Good Friday, I wouldn’t want a bad one. — John Hegley

Woke up from a dream (Nightmare?) this morning. The toy that was all the rage with the kids was “my little Tony” dolls. I had to exorcise this thought, I'm so sorry.

It's April 2. You made it through another month, & even made it through April Fools Day. You deserve a treat, right? Of course you do! So here. Pease enjoy this lesson in the biology of the electric eel (which isn't really an eel (but that's ok 'cause the diagram doesn't show an electric eel)). 🗃️🧪

It's not quite the spelling chaos here, but a church near my old house had a sign that read: TRY OUR HEALING SERVICES - you won't get better

Golden retriever runs 15 feet after owner mimes throwing tennis ball

“I've just injected steroids into my arm" "Anabolic?" "No, just my arm"

Don't forget the clocks go forward tonight, as they do every night, pitiless and unstoppable, silent witnesses to our inevitable decay.

How to get disowned by your family. Available on Amazon for $13.94.

at no point was I able to accurately predict the next word

Markets Surge After Trump Claims He Had Sex With An Angel https://theonion.com/markets-surge-after-trump-claims-he-had-sex-with-an-angel/

NEW: This new report, from BBC, is the best takedown of the insanity of Trump you will see anywhere. Calm, coherent and repeating only Trump’s own words. Devastating. Brilliant work once again from Roz Atkins. (🎥 BBC News)

good morning welcome to hell here is your addictive game 100jumps.org

No one on earth looks as happy as him and all of us are jealous he can just fly the fuck away from all this horseshit

Starting to wish I'd never tattooed the letter "Þ" on that piece of murine leather. It's been a thorn in mice hide ever since.

I know it's a silly jokey joke, but people REALLY need to stop anthropomorphizing their boyfriends. "My boyfriend told me" your boyfriend didn't "tell" you anything. "My boyfriend thinks..." your boyfriend can't actually think or feel; just output a convincing simulation of it based on probability 🙄

Narratively having Ever Given getting stuck in 2021 to set up Hormuz in 2026 is great foreshadowing. You want your audience to understand the basics of international shipping in a lower stakes context so you drop the real plot without a lot of saggy exposition about the minutiae of cargo logistics.

Happy Mario day!

trying a new bit for size, about the difficulty of understanding the inscrutable occidental mind. the leadership will say one thing in the morning and its opposite in the evening; to rational europeans, the two stances seem irreconcilable, but domestic media nods and interprets

Telly FACT: The comedian Sue Perkins was named after her father's favourite brand of cigarettes.

Greg Davies: Great task, well done. Didn‘t eat a thing. Persephone: Thank you. Alex Horne: Ah. Well. Let’s take another look at that pomegranate.

How does he sleep at night?

Mesmerising

How can anyone looking at this man’s face think he is sane?

look at my country man, we’re getting out-No Kings’d by the fuckin’ british