Hey Claude, why is it so exciting to buy a new water bottle

caturday but all I got’s a dog

midnight at the oasis god damn sand fleas everywhere

You’ve feared your last tears

finally opening up to my chat bot girlfriend about all the dogs ive killed

i’m out of trader joe’s popsicles 😢

I'm not complaining, per se, I just thought there'd be more holograms by now.

Literature has been all downhill since this 1904 pamphlet.

there’s nothing like a good joke (and this post is nothing like a good joke)

“still punk as fuck” i say as i clean up the statins i spilled filling up the pill organizer for the week

These intentions make really great paving stones!! So pretty! What's that up ahead? Is that.. is it... Oh shit, it's Hell, isn't it?

Do you realize that we are the last generation on Earth that knows what life was like before social media?

I can’t wait until politics is over.

“This is your day!” Me, to a lily #FlowerReport

Its cold and lonely out there. I'm thankful I have my algorithm to come home to.

so what’s the endgame here? do we just keep writing these things until someone forcibly institutionalizes us?

kevin hart is short for KEVIN HART

Climate.us is officially live! After NOAA ended Climate.gov’s day-to-day operations in 2025, former team members built Climate.us to carry that work forward. Their explanations and graphics have always stood out to me as clear, accessible, and transparent. I’m really looking forward to this reboot.

Life is like the 'keep me logged in' checkbox.

i talk all the time about how great my spouse is and i do it for a few reasons: • he's my favorite person • i want other women to know that it's reasonable to expect a man to be nice • we all need more examples of healthy masculinity

Every time you vague post or subskeet, you have to DM me and tell me what you’re talking about.

I attempted small talk with a work colleague before the start of a meeting. They responded with enthusiasm. I’ve been recovering ever since.

Re-skeeting me rather than just liking will make you 100% cooler & hotter. It’s basic science really.

this is the best advice i’ve gotten in a long time. “Do not share this code with anyone: 20561.”

Bluesky is the home of people who are only interested in everything.

It's midnight, the window is cracked open and all I can smell is the rain

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Like and follow this post.

my son gave me flowers for Father’s Day and momentarily shattered the brusque facade of asian male inscrutability I’m supposed to perpetuate

Me: So, class, by determining that the infinite sum is convergent and finding its limit, we equate the work done by the magnetic field to a definite integral and evaulate it. Student: Professor, do you realize that your shirt is inside out? Me: ...yes...yes I do...realize...that...now

The answer is always 42.

i had this long stress dream last night where i thought of the perfect post for people on the other side of the world where it is day but no matter how hard i tried to post it something got in the way. i didn’t remember the post when i got up so i’ll just say, “hello day people”. 👋

There's an energy to New York that won't be denied A balls to wall Move it or lose it Demand for life And life must be lived I don't hate it

meat stuff imagineer

I'm on this new diet where I cut out carbs and sugar and yearn for the sweet release of death

“Comparison is the thief of joy” that’s a pretty good saying. But I’ve heard better

Live. Love. Laugh manicially.

logging in to read about all the

maybe the real group chat is the post replies we’ve made along the way

i could use an I’ve cream sandwich right about now

making a little sign that says “this machine kills audiences” to put on my guitar

Two types of people Those who store chocolate in the freezer And those who eat it

The squirrel outside my window blames me for the weather.

New follower - I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. Unfollower - if your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once.

Juneteenth marks the celebration of America's second independence day. Like the people in this photo—Texans celebrating Juneteenth in 1900—we know that progress hasn't made our union perfect. But we can recommit to reaching toward that more perfect union together. Happy Juneteenth.

i’m on the exact awake/sleep divide where i can hardly keep my eyes open and i

Jesus Christ is there anyone on this website who isn’t an insomniac?

Share a movie soundtrack you love

NOTHING IS REAL