fuck the patriots.

We all saw the fellas grindin right? That may be a first for the super bowl.

Mfer said Bas

Political Outrage Skeets They're Skeets

I'm here you fuckaas bitch

she oompa my loompa til I doompa-dee-do

Begging everyone to put this into Google translate without checking the context

the bad news is 20 yo kids are harder than 3 yo kids. the good news is Mr. Caution sent me a photo of cupcake today.

would you rather have squirrels in your pants or crawfish in your pants?

our hotel fridge is actually just a hotel freezer

good morning to everyone whose tummy hurts. me too. but we can be so brave about it.

hello i am here for old people street cred

goodnight y'all. i hope tonight you get enough of what you most need. (for me right now that is sleep)

I've been away from home for over 24 hours and Mr. Caution has not sent me a single photo of Cupcake.

so she got us in our room. but needs to replace the whole battery thing. i am never going to bed.

i'm here you fuckaas bitch

it took me less than two hours to lose the hotel key this time.

there has to be a better font choice if your name is clint

when I tell anyone I have a 20 year old child, I immediately also tell them the correct response is to tell me I do not look old enough to have a 20 year old child.

me: ugh i’m so old my kids: yeah

my teen was talking to her therapist and mentioned that Mr. Caution's birthday is June 7. And the therapist went "SIX SEVEN???" like she was in on a joke. And my daughter was like oh no, oh no no no, that's.... no And then came home and told us about how cringe and embarrassing it was.

there is nothing on this earth that i won’t try to pick up using my toes before giving up and using my hands

sorry for being cringe I'm trying to enjoy being alive

first of all there is no such thing as a derogatory cunt so write that down.

you know that Olivia Rodrigo song "bad idea right?" i have had the line "my brain goes ahh" stuck in my head for a week. not the song. just the one line. on loop. in my head. for a week. my brain goes ahh my brain goes ahh my brain goes ahh my brain goes ahh my brain goes ahh my brain

my non-binary kid gives me grace when I mess up pronouns because they know I'm just really bad at words and pronouns. I just accidentally called Mr. Caution (cis man who I've been married to almost 20 years) "she" because I was taking about a dog in the same sentence.

ACAB includes light brites.

me, all the time,

words with friends just gave me an ad for crypto and I guarantee you I can beat anyone who buys crypto at words with friends.

OMG I GOT AN INTERVIEW IM GOING TO CRY

My iv infusion nurse said it seems like all Mr. Caution does is antagonize me.

words with friends just gave me an ad for crypto and I guarantee you I can beat anyone who buys crypto at words with friends.

me joints 🤝 infused

I tried to be early for my appointment, but my appointment was in my brain for the wrong time despite being in my calendar for the correct time. (An AuDHD story)

the democrats made me vote for a COP so they've really totally lost me.

I do think it's meaningfully different because the threat isn't as concentrated, but as a Central Texan: regular-ass fuckos have been big organizing here ESPECIALLY after both of these state-sanctioned murders so that we know how to track/report the secret police. Ramped up, not down.

tums posting

time for a nightcap* *wild berry flavored tums extra strength

bsky sponsored by tums.

tum tum tum tum tums

Yessssss. I was chatting yesterday with someone about the problem of autistics and "common knowledge." I don't know ANYTHING unless I have been explicitly told it. I loved how Matthew's book discussed techniques and what things meant.

I'm a high functioning autistic in that I often get high to function.

see a dog, post a dog

I will never inspire RuPaul to say "oh my gosh" and that is deeply disappointing to me.

I made delicious dinner and I said it was restaurant quality and mr. caution said "beyond"

I saw that episode of greys anatomy

so i used animorphgenerator.com to make this but i wasn't satisfied so i spent an obnoxious amount of time making this in photoshop. graphic design is my passion

this is the only raw milk take I will engage with. someone make me some cheese.