i yawn to equalize the pressure in my ears. but in so doing, it unequalizes the pressure in YOUR ears. so then you yawn. that’s why yawns are contagious

okay i’ll bite. what is “flirting”

really Geoff? you’d rather fuck to Weird Al?

i’m not okay, you’re not okay

the fallen walnut leaves on my lawn [to the tune of Nirvana’s Rape Me]: 🎶 RAKE MEEE 🎶

worst trick the devil ever played was convincing people that disco sucks

A funereal blimp, call that a dirgible

What's from Chicago, hates Illinois Nazis, and is holy as fuck? It's the Pope in 1982.

crushmaxxing at the crushmageddon

wait wait wait, hold up, wait. are you tellin me that Donald Trump turns out to be a pedophile???????? this is shocking news i need to sit down

goon a movie “Gune”

coming back from the music festival extremely inspired & motivated i’m writing songs lately, and it’s like “i just need 1 more piece of gear/a grant for $20k/a car to tour in/etc etc and then i can present my art” then you go to a fest and ppl with the most busted-ass gear & no money & no car >

US finally getting on Canada’s level

[slow haunting ukelele strums drenched in reverb] movie narrator voice: “Three boys.” [we realize the ukelele is strumming G… Am… C] “One town.” [quick cuts from boy to boy. one boy says “We need to get back! Back to the town!!”] “GET.” “BACK.” THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

who connecting they air fryer to the internet

absurd is short for absolute turd

Imagine if Kendrick Lamar wrote a diss track about Drake…..and made him *sing* on it. That’s fucking Rumours

Boys who think girls want to watch a Tarantino movie at 1am are running our government

when you see this guy you KNOW you’re in for a mediocre time

how is anyone warm enough in this world? it’s so cold fuckin hell

buttcoin

yeah you could say i’m a business man

asking my friend with asthma not to bogart his puffer

someone on facebook just made this comment: 😎™

people don’t realize that Brown Eyed Girl is about a lady’s butthole

there are no foxes in atheist holes

nobody on tv or in movies is the same age as me. they’re all younger or older

“they should make the whole plane out of the black box material” nah. they should make shoes out of eggshells

I for one welcome shakira law

i’m going on tour for a week with a variety of bands. this is night one, 2 bands. alt country and uhh i guess folk rock

a lot of people are asking “what size is Bean? like a normal cat size?” so i made this handy chart, i truly hope this helps

hey guys, Chando here with another anal sunning update! okay so, i’ve been sunning all week. and ive noticed some great results on partly cloudy days! i think you get the best of both worlds: direct sun on the anus, but also a wonderful diffuse light that hits every angle. smash that follow button

chando

we need some dirtier philosophers. nasty motherfuckers, but wise

i call dibs on all your posts

get a load of this guy

we either die young or live long enough to become what we once hated (my car has the super bright led headlights)

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings! Look on my works! if you want. no pressure though, they kinda suck anyways. shitty works tbh. sorry in advance

🎵 look on my works, i’m the Ozzyman look on my works and despair 🎵 that’s as far as i got

i play bass in the Sarah Orton Band: youtu.be/T67GXDneTsw?...

when the team from your country loses the Big Game, that’s when it’s actually great to not really care about sports. couple of my acquaintances are Very Sad

imagining a guy who goes around hoisting other people’s petards. getting so mad

it’s kind of a dunning-myers-einstein-kruger-briggs-rosen thing