I used to send DIY Bloom County greeting cards made on a dot matrix printer attached to a Windows 3.1 machine. True story.

Liberty Mutual: we mispronounce shit - buy our insurance!

"In writing your recommendation letter, please be aware of unconscious bias." Nice try, rec-letter instructions, but my head was built with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. #IamRobotSanta

Gee, I hope the ice cream truck passes through West Toluca soon so I can get a Polar Vortex.

By my count, only the 3rd and 7th amendments still stand.

PBS taught me reading and sketch comedy.

Anyone planning to see Melanoma: Make Fuck; Get Green Card (ugh why?), please do us a solid and bring a blow up doll with you Wear a trench coat, sunglasses, and bucket hat Take a selfie 🤳 of you & your date with film in the background Post it to social media Don’t pay for your ticket Sneak in

Sausage Supreme ruin a movie by replacing one word in the title with "sausage"

How Stella Got Her Sausage Back ruin a movie by replacing one word in the title with "sausage"

Like Water for Sausage ruin a movie by replacing one word in the title with "sausage"

next time you want a particularly civilized insult: You, sir, are the haberdasher of the ass-hattery.

"The world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important - and they'll tear us apart, Morty." - Rick Sanchez

Pound-for-pound, Debbie Gibson is still my favorite artist.

Well, that went about as well as could be expected.

The number of companies enabling and profiting from ICE is vast and growing fast. Too many to document at once. This is a working list of ICE partners. Consumer-facing targets will get full boycott entries in the main boycott guide later. open.substack.com/pub/psychope...

What's that, vat of Thai food? You want to be inside me? Well...okay, but don't tell anyone.

redneck a book: If'n I Done It

I don't buy everything I read - havent even read everything I've bought. I don't cry every time I bleed - my eyes are dry but they're bloodshot. -BNL

When you've got the flu, steamed carrot greens with lemon taste almost like Yaiyia's stewed dandelions and that makes it almost worth it.

I get so many annoying DM's, my inbox looks like Gary Gygax's grave site.

good times

I wear a coat because I'm sick of listening to people marvel at the fact that I don't wear a coat. Free will is an illusion.

Crazy Ranting Lady on Metro: God wants you to fast!! Me: Then why does he keep bringing back the McRib?! Tagline: Resurrect some vegetables!

Protesters in Los Angeles projected an anti-ICE video onto the Twin Towers, an ICE-linked detention facility where the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department actively collaborates with ICE for deportation screenings.

The House just passed the #DHS funding bill. These 7 out of 213 House Dems are the reason the DHS funding bill passed with a 220 - 214 vote. Henry Cuellar(TX) Jared Golden (ME) Marie Gluesenkamp Perez (WA) Laura Gillen (NY) Don Davis (NC) Tom Suozzi (NY) Vicente Gonzalez (TX) 🖕🏼

See I was TRYing to tend to my algebra tests, when I was distracted by the delicate, subtly nuanced dramatic tension of Terminator 3 on AMC.

"It's not important This stuff that I'm afraid of I've got a bugle somewhere Let's get a parade up" - Too Much Joy

drop a lawyer

Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles.

*Dusting the spot on the shelf where my "Right this way, sir." Emmy is going to go*

I'd say only losers use rollers, but that's painting with a broad brush.

If I were a 70's Batman villain, I'd wear gardening gear. Evil flowers would do my bidding, causing my enemies severe inflammation. My name would be "Planter Faciitis"!

school being canceled because the president sent armed thugs to harass and imprison the populace for voting against him should be the biggest domestic scandal in american history

Just when the day couldn't get more sobering, this thought: there are 'Total Recall' & 'Robocop' remakes between now & the time I was cool.

Like if you share. Agree if you disagree.

SoCal local news: where you can see the finest in men's business suits and women's nightclub fashion

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." —MLK Jr.

if you haven’t read the letter yet:

my Tajin got clumpy

right-wing a play: The Glass Magagerie

"All that is and ever shall be is in that box. . .and the box itself is probably worth something, too." - Hubert J. Farnsworth

For a sec I thought The Hollywood Bowl was promoting performance art . Then I realized it was just 2 unhoused guys bathing in the fountain.

Auditioning next door to auditions for the role of "hot girl in yoga pants". Because God is good. You know what? Life is fair. Very fair.

8-yr-old at theatre camp: "Have you seen the movie 'Constipation'?" me: "Um. . .no." 8yoatc: "It hasn't come out yet." me: *giggles like an 8-year-old at theatre camp*

No-line bifocals - because who wants to walk around in a world with right angles, anyway?

Don't laugh too hard at Sheldon Cooper's "bus pants", people - in LA, they are a damn good idea.

If any of our Ikea crap survives to become antique, what will the future think of us?

What's that you say, all 5 The Prophecy movies? You want to make it a white night? Well. . . okay.

Channel 5 made such a big deal out of the fact that his agents dropped him. Like "uh oh, looks like Timothy Busfield won't be auditioning for those sweet sweet Progressive insurance commercials for a while!"