chotiner: u always order "...and fries for the table" me: sometimes people's meals do not come with fries chotiner: does your meal always come with fries me: ...yes chotiner: is there anyone else at the table me: chotiner: we can revisit this later

you’re never more than 10 feet away from someone texting “lol” with a completely expressionless face

thank fucking god

They’re destroying our history!

When you have an administration that so constantly, shamelessly, openly lies, pretty soon there’s no faith in any information streams coming from the administration, so there’s no way to convey true information in a way that lands right, which leads to more chaos.

was the shooter on Tylenol?

America 2025. Please Don’t Offend The White Supremacists

I see your sexy Lincoln statues and raise you Kermit the Frog

In June 2002, Avril Lavigne claimed that “five years from now” you would see the titular Sk8er Boi “rockin’ up MTV,” but by June 2007, MTV had replaced its full schedule with reality programming and aired no music videos. In this TED Talk, I will

Seeing ice cream cones during their spawning runs really takes your breath away. They’ll only do this once in their entire lives.

the US if Tylenol actually caused autism

I will be the rat czar. I will give each rat a hat and an umbrella. I will give the rats the vote

big part of this is because they sent the health reporters, not the political reporters

Raptured?

how are anti-vaxxers taking the tylenol revelation? doesn’t it seem kind of like telling a 9/11 truther that it wasn’t bush after all, it was like, the mayor of omaha

Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again

Autism was first diagnosed in 1943. Tylenol was invented in 1950. Release the Epstein files.

(anytime someone calls me on my phone, a device i voluntarily bought for this specific purpose) SON of a bitch,

a lot of folks have video podcasts but they should really have audio only podcasts

Having trouble sleeping so posting this one early before I doze off (⁠~⁠￣⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠~ spider Jace #jace #jacebeleren #mtg #spiderman #gatewatch #mtgart #magicthegathering

hey i just got an alert saying your personal info was found on the dork web

If they're going to try and retcon Charlie Kirk, then we should try to retcon him too.

taping the small dorito pieces at the bottom of the bag together to make a normal size dorito makes them taste like tape

Disney Plus? More like Disney MINUS considering how many people have unsubscribed this week (Holds for applause) But seriously

someone said of Wikipedia: “it is a thing that does not work in theory but turned out to work in practice”

Yeah man we should really fight back by staying on X

My favorite Bsky client continues to improve! Absolutely worth a look if for no other reason than the necessary feature of starting where you left off, instead of dropping you into current posts.

people keep reposting this but cmon it’s made up. the stock hasn’t “collapsed” (it’s barely down) and there are precisely no numbers on how many subscription cancellations there have been

This is for a niche audience but I really appreciate this Magic: the Gathering reference from my youth. #mtg

you have to admit "can you make a documentary about a contemporary subject that never directly quotes anything he ever said or did" is kind of an interesting challenge from an artistic perspective

Renting physical media is better than paying for a trillion streaming services that don’t even have the movie you want to watch available

It is fucked up what they did to the headphone jack

ugh pls

This is funniest possible headline for a song literally called "Song for Bob Dylan"

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. The person you are going to kill probably has a spouse or right hand man that will get in your way.

KIM KITSURAGI - "What is it, detective? Can you make it out?" BULLET - "if you read this you are gay lmao" 1. "It, um, doesn't say anything." 2. "Transgender ideology. My old foe." 3. [Espirit de Corps - Medium 10] "I think you should read it for yourself, Kim."

This may seem cute but if you do this too much the cyclists may become reliant on cars feeding them, disrupting the delicate roadway ecosystem

i thought this was a picture of a memory foam toilet seat. going back to sleep

When asked for comment, White House Spokesman Lionel Hutz said, "Oh, they got this all screwed up." www.whitehouse.gov/presidential...

they were published *in the indictment* and his defense attorney would have access to both his phone and the roommate's phone. develop better conspiracy theories!

(interior, Disney HQ) "Lots of angry comments from folks upset about the Kimmel firing. Not sure how we recover." "That's just Americans. We've still got tourists, right? I mean, they ..." "Not anymore! Not since Trump!" "Oh, shit, that's right." "Oh shit." (softly, from the back): "Gawrsh."

Thanks to ordering kiosks fast food feels as fun as voting.

james cameron walks up to whiteboard with TOEJAM and EARL written on it. he erases the "and" and writes Vs.

friendly reminder that tomorrow, september 18, is national CHEESEBURGER day. don't mix that up with may 28, national hamburger day. that's almost as embarrassing as confusing national hot dog day (july 16) and national chili dog day (last thursday in july). thank you for your attention in this m