Describe the economy in a single sentence

Absolute chimneys!

America keeps trying to get me to go to her birthday party and I’m like no girl u need to go to the hospital

The Churchyard's Watchful Protector

Audiences hiss the sight of blood now, as if they didn't have it in their own bodies. (1978)

first ethical millionaire

we are all of us, larry

new metaphor just dropped

nyc friends be careful outside today. its even worse than yesterday, the 2019 film about a man who remembers the beatles

We're so starving for consequences we're reading Vatican press releases

I’m a little drunk in an airport. Ask me about Sherlock Holmes

ok guys we can fix most things if we just go back in time to outlaw reality tv

At an airport bar and I think there should be a law that you cannot charge more for one beer in a bar than a 6 pack costs in a store, and you can’t charge more for a shot than a 1L bottle costs in a store.

The only two kinds of news right now are Onion article and 30 Rock sketch

I posted this while on hold with the LAPD to report a non emergency crime. Defund the police just for this specifically

My friend Barrett is looking for donations of calculators for the math class he teaches! Find out how you can help him here docs.google.com/document/d/1...

america has a fun shortage and it's important we talk about it (decline in third spaces, etc etc)

Adonis will often look like he has his tongue sticking out in pictures but he actually has a scar on his lower lip that makes it stick out a little bit 🥺

this doesn't even have the full context which makes it funnier

I truly believe replacing hold music with audio of people talking that is both unstoppable advertisements and designed to sound like a representative picked up is one of the most evil aspects of modern life.

Walking through the door and forgetting why I'd come in here and also why I left

safety first!

BREAKING: Pride Month Extended Indefinitely

since WHA is poppin, please look at this panel that helped me reframe the learning process

On this last day and every day of Pride, ACAB includes the purity police

i will succeed because i am a pervert 🥳🫡

Oh this shit hits when I've been hot all day

There is no justification for this reaction to a teenager politely asking a question. Especially given some of the shit I've seen adults pull at community meetings.

At the end of this pride I'd like to wish every person who forgets or leaves trans men out of things a very fuck you. :)

It's easy to forget that the current anti-trans moral panic, for instance, is only four or five years old. That doesn't mean it's not ruining real people's lives and it won't take a while to fix, but it's completely artificial and brand new because, ironically enough, it's not natural.

pausing for a moment while regaling my group chat with my incredible Horseshoe Crab Mating Grounds experience from last night when i remember the supreme court is going to legalize hunting me for sport sometime this morning. okay. now back to these amazing crab facts

JOKER: Not so fast, Bat-JERK! My LAUGHBangs will leave you BLIND as a BAT! BLUESKY BATMAN: Oof. Many people suffer from reduced vision. Not funny. JOKER: It's like, it's a pun. It's just wordplay. BLUESKY BATMAN: Sorry if I'm not in the mood for "jokes" while SCOTUS shreds our constitutional rights

I don’t watch football (soccer) but I am having a shit day so I am really feeling a sense of community right now

Now more than ever

a Moby-Dick movie ideally needs to be made by someone who was raised in the evangelical church and as an adult has been part of at least one dramatic breakup at a sex party in a warehouse

when it zoomed out I gasped

TMZ DC with perhaps the most brutal video from Trump's Great American State Fair, showing Dr. Oz on stage bragging to Dean Cain about how big the crowd is, only for the reporter to pan around and show absolutely nobody is there. Original post: x.com/i/status/207...

Not the point but they never burned anyone at Salem. This guy just wants to burn women and will add it to any conversation

Austen was a bitch who told dead baby jokes in the letters her sister DIDN’T burn and has canonical sodomy jokes in her novels and anyone who forgets that misses a ton.

scenes without mommy’s face in them are unnecessary in movies. it does nothing to advance the story of where did mommy go

"ugh another old stuff horror movie from Robert Eggers ugh" you wish you loved anything so deeply and productively

The Vampire Lestat trying to say Worcester, MA in the greatest moment of television in history

it lurks