Ha! You seriously think I’m going to just buy an empty can? Evaporated milk! Be serious

One of the indignities of this era is that I may have to live through the end of the world and it will be proceeded by someone posting “🚨BREAKING🚨”

Would be neat if someone ever suffered a consequence for being evil

Kelsey Miller, who works as a stylist at 13th and Washington salon, helped perfect Olympian Alysa Liu’s signature “halo” hairstyle.

The NYPD soiling themselves about a snowball or two reminded me of a similar incident with a different outcome in St. Louis. You don’t have to be a big wet bitch about everything

Prison guard sprinting to double kick Jeffery Epstein in the neck:

Album title and cover art in perfect harmony

Someone at the bar was talking about the movie “Get Him to the Greek” in the year 2026!?

A Claude-swarm of AI agents sucked me off

Call her a duck the way she’s only interested when I got that bread

Missionaries should not be allowed to bother people in the grocery store. I just want t buy tv dinners, cat food, and beer in peace! Leave me alone!

Bro the girls are manifesting your demise in the club

By the way this tasted as bad as you thought it would. Like feet and pink lemonade

Live from The Jeremy Piven Experience it’s Whiskey Friday with Tony Doukopil!

Getting mauled by what authorities will describe as “various beasts and creatures“ while I walk home from buying beer and roller dogs at the gas station

Damn he’s practically the title sponsor. The Epstein Files: brought to you by Donald Trump

Listen Bluesky devs we have the “Following“ feed and ”Discover” feed. What I’m proposing is a “Cat” feed. Only pictures of cats. Feel free to Venmo me the money now.

Is this fart friend or foe?

well credit where credit’s due: it’s 2035 and i’m driving to work in elon musk’s moon city—or rather my optimus robot chauffeur is, heh. i’m just kicking back and enjoying the view. what kind of a name for a moon bridge is owl creek

asking my fellow moviegoers for a draught of grog or even fresh water so that I may Soften my Ship's Biscuit and render it Softer & more Agreeable to the Digestion

Panaderia time motherfucker

Whiskey Friday with Tony Doukopil was supposed to do a crossover episode with the Seth Green bored ape NFT show this week. But apparently Seth’s ape was stolen yet again or maybe he just didn’t care to find it after the last time it got stolen.

"Her husband, Alejandro, was supposed to cook it on Oct. 23 for a men’s dinner at Covenant Presbyterian Church — the church Janie has attended since she was 2. Alejandro is a professional chef who’d been looking forward to preparing an al pastor taco feast for weeks." 1/X

Possible @utopia-defer.red tracks in St. Louis

Trying to remember the word for condom

Every right wing YouTube influencer is going to be releasing a 3 hour video about how it’s actually based and chad to make a doo-doo in your britches

Happy February everyone!

Chud carefully scraping a “Kill your local pedophile” sticker off his F-250 King Ranch edition so as to avoid damaging the thin blue line punisher skull right next to it

If Rob Schneider, 62, Faces Heartbreak as 37-Year-Old Wife Files for Divorce After 14 Years, but they’ve been together almost 15 years. How old were they both when they met?

Every time some right wing shithead gets a divorce it’s always like an SAT word problem figuring out how old their wife was when they met.

Me and the boys are going to pregame our Melania showing tomorrow by watching Whiskey Friday with Tony Dokoupil. Epic bacon 😎

This looks like a bag of smashed assholes. Also there appears to be a circular firing squad at the end lol

Bovino’s day goes from bad to worse. I’m getting word his membership in the Lollipop Guild has been revoked.

I once helped my neighbor get his car out of the snow. He fled a few months later, turns out he was wanted by the fbi for a murder that took place 20 years ago in Arizona

Gotta figure with all these ICE agents in Minneapolis this has got to be the most supervised visitation weekends missed in American history.

There isn’t a hell hot enough for these absolute beasts

Falconer: Haha no, the falcon is just playing around. He can totally hear me. The center is gonna hold just fine.

At the Department of Homeland Security you’ll be tasked with the important job of executing Americans in the streets so that government of pedophiles, by pedophiles, for pedophiles, shall not perish from the earth.

They deserve nothing but suffering for what they’ve done

Holy crap. This is the most damning video yet. It shows Border Patrol agents clearly taking Alex's firearm, running it away, and THEN executed him in cold blood by emptying a clip into his face. Murder.

These men should be hunted. Their names and faces common information to the public. And they should not know a single day without fear for the crime of their existence.

Graphic video of the latest ICE murder in Minnesota

Rockwell Kent, "Workers of the World, Unite!" 1937, from collection of the Minneapolis Institute of Art, which is closed today as part of today's general strike in Minneapolis collections.artsmia.org/art/54994/wo...

This guy is a stone cold perv

It is said the ancient Japanese samurai came up with a way for ICE officers to resign with honor

It may be an apocryphal quote but it’s also true. “You have the watches, but we have the time.”

A bit of speculation based on experience here. It sounds to me like they are prep for an operation against those apartments. I worked in an OPs center in Afghanistan. We would spend days monitoring targets with circling drones to get patterns of life down and monitor target activity.

Many have made a point about what a dogshit post this is, but I have another question. Why is the head of a state Democratic Party that holds zero statewide offices and where republicans have a veto-proof majority allowed to be the ASDC President and DNC Vice Chair?

Whiskey Fridays with Tony Dokoupil had to be canceled because their first guest was supposed to be the Dilbert guy but he’s #R.I.P.bert now and the backup guest Jared Fogel has a prior engagement at the White House