"what do you expect dems, who have NO POWER, to do???" and then they do this 8 times a month

in several ways i‘m still here

the people of Minnesota are so curious

i need you all to go to bed like usual

hny!

Pol Roger in my bag, 7-Eleven hot dog in my hand…this is the life man

will they ever let me off the tarmac…..

they should invent a way of packing and getting to the airport where i can stay on my phone the whole time

why was this album so tf good

remembering i’ll always be alone because of my Faults

uh guys my Uber arrived and this is its license plate?? it doesn’t match the app but i think i should get in…

gotta Uber both ways between my parents’ place and the function…i love the suburbs 😍

if i watch this gay hockey show and there’s no goddamn fingering… 🙄🙄🙄

i wish Foundation, the Apple TV original series, was just a movie

Stood my ground against Santa last night. He’s dead.

gm

sorry boss i just found a million emails i was supposed to address. yeah they were hiding. yeah in my inbox. no they were hiding under my other emails. yeah again sorry about that

they’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. santa’s been delivering gifts in japan for hours by now; that list is locked, do whatever you want.

I am my own worst enemy. And thus, as the worst enemy of my worst enemy, my best friend.

my dad is almost always the one to empty the dishwasher, and i feel like my visiting and using random utensils or dishware my parents don’t normally use is akin to the enrichment they do for animals at the zoo…watched him ponder a large fork for a second just now…

with every passing winter i get her more and more…

maybe i’ll do a lil Michael Caine–athon this Minnesota Christmas visit?

love to so catastrophically miss a flight that i can just change to another one 2.5hr later with no change fees

gm

my name is dallas major

We are the children of the loads they couldn’t refuse

billionaire: i have 3 brains. in my skull interviewer: incredible

art, music, movies, sports, community, education; something you cherish is made by or made better by trans people inventing it, teaching it, and loving it

oh ok @mosphere is dead on winzday

Got a new camera

he freaked it with this one i gotta say

just had a salad, which could be the entirety of my dinner…orrrr an appetizer to the main. the world is my oyster!

gn

hey everyone, how’re our hairlines doing tonight?

ate an entire bag of Goldfish for dinner i guess

seated

Local restaurant listing this menu item as "girl dinner" speaks to me in the craziest way

didn’t know they could do yhat

what is going on with mycolon

back on Fruit Merge….

sleep all day fart all night let’s get it poopin i’m in Chicago bitch

gonna start pronouncing ”Mariano’s” like i’m Giada De Laurentiis saying “fettucine”

oh don’t be so coy daddy, you have my number…