How I imagine people without bidets wash their dishes

Posting a thirst trap for attention from strangers & then getting attention from strangers

If there are trash mobs or summons, probably them, otherwise whoever would be a threat to them at melee range

Guy told me he’s done working in Logan Square at 9pm & I deadass had a passing thought “so that would be 10 my time” 😭

Gonna start commenting on the pictures of people who only post nudes with the same groaning vitriol they always reply at me when I god forbid make a joke on this dick scrapbook of a website

Boob check

You think Uncle porn is gross? I guess it’s all relative

Whenever I fart I face west to bless Carly Rae Jepsen with a healthy pregnancy

The stress of impaired mobility has conjured the most unspeakable TMJ pain imaginable

If you said you’re eating a Dutch baby it sounds like you’re eating a child’s organs or something 😂 but it’s just sweet bread!! Now, sweetbreads, on the other hand——

Wish I was the kinda gay guy who was like “I’m not the one honey”

“Any plans for the weekend?” Me ready to jailbreak an oculus to inject Beat Saber with full TWICE discography & play naked for 10 hours straight: “probably just take it easy :)”

Mwah

Every Nintendo Direct

This is how shitposting feels

New new 🐈‍⬛ 18”x32” Pattern by me duh

Oomf cum? Oh you mean MutualAde

I’m not “taking a poop”. Im leaving one

Ripped the biggest wet trombone morning fart right as someone on scruff messaged me “Ripe ass??”

Fortnite be like Here comes Patti LuPone!

I’m demi-sexual in that when you boink me you lose 1/4 of your health

A really cute cat ran by me as I was painting in the alley so naturally I am going to spend the next week doing everything in my power to befriend it & invite it to live with me

Had a good workout, rode my bike, & going to get chicken tenders with a new friend I made

“Genie I wish you free”-ass equipment

Vivi Ornitier has arrived at the 2026 Met Gala with Coco Montrese

Me when I have to pee at the beach

“Pull the lever Kronk”-ass machine

How to let your guard down Let your guard down tutorial Vulnerable but safe Reddit Relax around other people wikihow pictures

I’m so random I can’t believe I just did that

Getting larger everyday is so fun

I NEVER play tank in overwatch but I did my rank placement matches for fun, lost 8/10, & it put me in platinum

“You have 5 minutes and 39 seconds left to live” Me af:

My friend sent me a birthday parcel which would have been the only birthday gift I received this year & someone (likely in my building) stole it Don’t you just want to go ape shitt

If I could read minds I would probably kill my self within 12 hours

Went to a bar to draw a bit to get out of the house & no exaggeration I could not bc every single “brush” is imprisoned in ThE cLoUd & there’s no wifi here, technology is a fucking scam after 2012!!!!!

Being a cyclist my whole adult life, my concept of gas prices is deeply It’s One Banana Michael

Real crafters know the cookies were just an obstacle to the real treasure

Madonna dropping by REALDADhosTing👀’s place to continue her Grindr promo

Someone invite me to DnD I wanna make a ranger named Beau Narrow

“You horny after working out?😈” idk I’m kinda tied up chewing on calluses

The Match Group Sniffies business is spiritually equal to Grimes dating Elon Musk

For my birthday let’s all say our favorite thing about me

Quick everyone put your mustaches between my buttcheeks so they’re hidden from criticism

The feature this website needs most is consolidating notifications when a random account likes 79 of your posts from 6 months ago

Cut my hours at my job that makes me miserable to focus on making art, being happy, & having a nice summer for once :—)

Trainer brought a foam roller over to a girl at the gym & she said “ok foam roller queen!” Love herrr

Whatever slime runs this dogshit “product line” has been slithering about my DMs for years hilariously expecting I’d associate myself with scamming gay guys into buying psyllium husk for a 5x markup in exchange for a “freebie” of some gas station pig spit labeled CUM, like I would rather eat SHIT

Good day to have a good day