His wife must be so excited he’ll be around to spend more time with her 😁😁😁

ILL SEE YOU AFTER THE FUNCTION

Every subsequent album Jessie ware has released since what’s your pleasure just sounds like b sides from the last album 😭😭

The fact a lot of nyc venues don’t let you wear ski masks or balaclavas but let the rule slide for pup masks… someone is gonna start a pup pickpocketing ring mark my words

Guy I had a dance floor make out with once 2 months ago keeps messaging me

One thing about me at work: I love love loveeee walking around and saying “goooood morning!! Happy [current day of the week]!!!”

27 year old gay birthday party: yeah we’re gonna do drinks at 3 AM and then go to the sloppy hole no loads refused party to hear DJ fuckmyass 40 year old gay birthday: we’re gonna eat a NYT recipe pistachio layer cake I baked while watching a Sarah michelle Geller film, and everyone leave by 8

When you look at a gay guys insta explore page and it’s all like thirst traps and goon content that’s the biggest red flag to me… like you ain’t ever watching some family guy clips??? :///

Dunkin iced coffee with da hashbrowns

Friends birthday at Eagle (Chelsea, Manhattan) to ✈️ friends birthday at Basement (Maspeth, Queens)

The best needle drop in cinema was “I’d do do anything” by simple plan on that one episode of what’s new scooby doo

And I’m gonna miss u like a child misses their blanket but I’ve got to get a move on with my life

Homeless guy on crack on this Q train car is screaming insults at every person this car one by one but just skipped over me IJBOLLLL. When ur just cool with everybody 🤷‍♀️

I’d like to give whoever picked the 3 letter airport codes a good smack upside their head

Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder do my tears of mourning sink beneath the sun

Just bought a new side table so my healing and energy crystals have a special place to sit

Listening to ironic by alanis morissette in the Williamsburg Whole Foods in a main character sort of way

Just tried giving myself grace

Hi teen vogue! It’s Jenni tolls. Here’s 10 things I do everyday to achieve my iconic “Berlin trade” aesthetic 😝

IM GONNA SOAK UP THE SUN

Week 1 of eating only a measly 3000 calories a day I feel like I might waste away

How it feels ordering a Diet Coke at work happy hour and telling people I stopped drinking a couple months ago

If ur not going out to the clubs every weekend irdgaf what your opinion is on the Madonna confessions ii roll out it’s really not for you

Doing at home blood collection for PreP testing service

How I’m gonna be moving to this incoming song of the summer

Nothing more infuriating than talking with someone who complains about not having friends but refuses to do anything to make new friends

No one dies from love guess I’ll be the first

Some of the nyc fags saw Gaga more times at Madison square garden than they’ve seen their parents in the last year

Boards of Canada releasing first new album in 13 years

Lard ass is such an underrated insult

Suck balls so hard mothafuckas wanna find me … or whatever jay z said

The guy who posted this pic lying about it not being AI (Gemini watermark literally in corner) and making up stories in the replies about how he got the keys to get into the park and why there’s a pink bus is SENDING MEEEE dkskskskakakak 💀💀💀🥀🕊️

Putting on a fake foreskin prosthetic and ripping it off like a drag queen wig reveal during sex

My “the drama” moment was in 2023 when my old friend group shared the freakiest sexual experience we’ve had and I went first and nobody else’s was even in the ballpark of being as insane as mine

I want anthems, late nights, my friends, New York

Go-to-chain-coffee-shop gap relationship

How I feel when my friends say something mean about pups but I’ve been getting into pup play on the low this year and jump up to defend the pup community

Say what you want about millennials but the Coachella fits back in like 2012-2015 were FIERCEEEE …. invented a whole style sub genre Gen Z isn’t bringing anywhere near

A 22 year old tried to talk to me last night and started by asking if I was gay because he “couldn’t tell…” even I had to laugh PleASE BE serioussss

I’m stoned at the flea market and saw this framed photo of someone’s dog and it made so emotional. To be loved is to be seen.

Dick from a guy that was on MySpace and listened to this song

Nothing will get you bitched out (!!!) by me faster than trying to touch or dance on me from behind without even trying to introduce yourself first

Wor$t girl in Wauwato$a Wi$con$in

I got new rules I count them

Insiders reporting Liz Cheney will be making an appearance at House of Yas tn!!! YASSSSSS

Hmmmm sorry sis actually I think this is the picture of the century my back looks tea asf

The irs is gonna be after all the bitches that used ChatGPT to do their taxes this year

One of the worst things about me is that is I fucking loved entourage on HBO