I wonder if Matt LaFleur had Chuck Schumer call the offense the first half

Nights like tonight I really wish bluesky wasn’t a Philly sports app

What a shitty way to lose a football game, on an illegal shift

Matt LaFleur is the most predictable coach in the league

Once again I am begging ad agencies to stop depicting Santa Claus as a lumbersexual silver fox

Next time a NY football team plays they need to interview Zohran Mamdani

Having a demanding job and being in cancer treatment are two things that are very at odds with each other

If I die in the middle of the night they damn well better let me get the rest of my 8 hours on the other side before they make me stand in line at St. Peter’s Gate

Bill Ackman gotta be on the third draft of a tweet longer than Middlemarch right now

Threw on Fox News just to laugh at them and Hannity is justifying these losses by saying all the republicans moved away instead of voting

It’s tempting to watch this just to see him lose his mind when Mamdani wins

This is a fun thread

Nowhere near the top of the list of issues with this, but why are we wasting $100k a pop for Grand Wagoneers for these clowns to play bumper cars in? I keep seeing that again and again

I want this game to be as insane as possible. It’s too late to do anything else so I’m committed now. Entertain me dammit

Good thing I spent $40 on candy, I got one trick or treater

Cmon just let us watch the guy get tackled

This stuff is basically Fireball flavored tea

Trump is trying to do all sorts of redecorating in the White House so nobody else will ever want to live there

So like, is SpaceX twitter for space? Sounds pretty lame

I read some viral tweet once that said lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake and I’ve gotta say… that stuck with me

I thought I was just gonna catch the last few innings before bed lol

I missed the good part of this game which happened while I was watching Monday Night Football. Literally the moment I turned the game on, both teams stopped scoring. This is my fault. I’m so sorry everyone. I’m committed now, I can’t turn it off.

I think OnlyFans and FanDuel should merge. For the Fans.

Oh you have parents? So you’re a nepo baby then

If there’s a recession let’s all pledge not to do the stomp clap hey thing again.

What if cats had their own Reddit where they shared pictures of their humans and mice they caught

I should get a bunch of debris from a construction site and sell it online to stupid republicans telling them it’s a piece of the White House east wing

2pm the auction for my car on BringATrailer ends. I’m all antsy in my pantsy while I wait for people to bid

I don’t know why everyone is so mad at Trump about this ballroom. He’s graciously offered to turn part of his home into a space for entertaining guests, as a favor to us, the American citizens. We should be more thankful

It’s pretty funny how cursed Minnesota Vikings fans have been since I moved here

There’s still plenty of time to paint the White House gold

Hang it in the louvre where the missing diamonds were

Somehow I feel like pierce brosnan was almost certainly involved

😬

What is LOLOLOL? Laughing out loud out loud out loud? Or laughing out laughing out laughing out loud? Much to think about. Wow.

(Reluctantly) go birds

It's kinda cool that Gary Larson is doing new cartoons because he picked up a digital tablet, taught himself how to use it, and it made him love drawing again. www.thefarside.com/new-stuff/

11 year old nephew sent an anti Trump meme to the family group chat

Every once in a while I run into a COVID zero type dead ender, and the more time goes by, the more their claims get unhinged and frankly crossbred with antivax conspiracy theories. Just saw one in Jamelle’s replies saying vaccines are good but COVID itself causes “turbo cancer.”

I try not to repost news from Meidas because, and this is important, they click bait and rage bait and honestly I don't think any of us need that shit.

Havin a fancy dinner at the Olive Garden

lol they're doing the thing again

Happy Birthday to the US Navy

Over at the other place, I’ll get a ton of DM requests from bots & I’ll occasionally respond to see where it goes. This is shaping up to be an all-timer. “Chunk connoisseur” is taking me out.

YOUGUYS I THINK WERE GETTING THE GOLDEN BREAKOUT GAME WEVE BEEN PROMISED

Amazing how Trump’s whole thing in the old days was to be this rich playboy who fucks sexy models and gets whatever he wants, only to give birth to the three ugliest sons on the planet

BREAKING: Look at this. A new crypto account was opened yesterday morning. 30 minutes BEFORE Trump's announcement of 100% tariffs on China, it added a huge multi-million dollar levered Bitcoin short position, per YF. Market dumped. The trader made a profit of $192 million in two hours. Unusual.

This is definitely something I would do. Chemo makes it impossible to eat, but the one thing I can always reliably put away is candy

Folks, he’s rallying