Everything is so loud.

Goofy dancing in the kitchen is where it's at.

Statistically, I probably have a kid I don't know about.

Everything is sexually suggestive to the insanely horny.

I like to think I’m just playing hard to get

ahh yes, another morning… fuck

I decorate for Christmas because if my life is falling apart, at least it looks festive.

There's so much to say and no one to listen.

Sometimes I go to bed so I stop fucking eating

*looks down at my phone and realizes i’ve just been holding a cheesy gordita crunch this ENTIRE time*

You’re in her DMs. I’m standing outside our double-wide asking why she changed the locks.

Who up thinking about planets

I got really high and started thinking about outer space

youtube.com/watch?v=ZQIA... One for my girls 😘🔥

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, rock you like a hurricane

I’m prepared to like whatever dumb thing you say

love isn't only for our partners and relatives. love is for everyone. love is unlimited, and love is free.

My gif game is so good in the Office Teams chat.

I’m going to drive you crazy and you’re going to ask for more

Resting is favorite kind of bitch face

Why am I tired? Because I woke up today

Reverse cowgirl so I can't see the shame and regret on her face.

I dunno, babe.. maybe get bangs and a new personality

If I say I’m listening to new music, that means anything between now and 1995

I’ll do that thing you like *leaves you alone

watching Milli Vanilli videos just to feel something

Before I got married, I never realized you could sneeze like an asshole

oh hey i was just thinking about you 🤍

You can't hurt my feelings. I'm a December baby.

Here's a thought. No wait, I need that

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... yeah that sounds about right

gonna astral project and irish goodbye each dimension this evening hbu

Might fuck around and ask a hypothetical question on the internet just to feel something

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life

“I ate too much” - me every time I eat

Why do people gotta be so weird

that space between your chin and chest where my head can always rest

a natural wellspring of loving care where her heart should be

Shopping for new bathroom carpet in the Sears catalog would fix me.

Thanks for clearing that up

Share a TV series you've watched from beginning to end more than once.

i like my women how i like my winters, cold, dark and unpredictable

I’m one bad day from staging my abduction and disappearing into the woods