Discount Storytime
@discountstorytime.com
📤 334
📥 388
📝 2300
The "Discount Storytime" podcast provides weekly absurd short stories to make you laugh. Enjoy!
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A new short story! Freddy finds a mysterious cabin with a mysterious owner. Is it too good to be true? Of course! But can the kittens save him in time?
www.buzzsprout.com/2378374/epis...
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Freddy Cat and the Cabin - Discount Storytime
Freddy finds a mysterious cabin with a mysterious owner. Is it too good to be true? Of course! But can the kittens save him in time? Also, Discount Storytime is coming to an end. Episode 100 wil...
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2378374/episodes/18643845
7 days ago
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As a dad, I endorse this.
add a skeleton here at some point
about 13 hours ago
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Salty MacTavish
1 day ago
Before social media, I would sit on a sandbar and wait for the tide to come in
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ᗩmanda
about 24 hours ago
Coffee helps me ignore all the potential problems my brain is making up for the day.
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✧𝔪𝔲𝔡 𝔰𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔭✧
1 day ago
it’s illegal to annoy me
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Astr0z0mbreez
about 24 hours ago
“I’m so sorry baby. You shouldn’t have to go through this” me to my dog when he gets the hiccups
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If I was a monk with a vow of silence could I still beatbox?
1 day ago
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Twin Dad
1 day ago
So many things can be turned into musical instruments, my kids threatened.
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Jack
3 days ago
My life motto: “Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”
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Fomo Simpson
4 days ago
I just went dark mode and now I'm being chased by goth kids.
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
10 days ago
the milk is coming from inside the cows
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sweetie π
3 days ago
my cat when i tell him i love him
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La Spaghettissima
3 days ago
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Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison (Official Music Video)
YouTube video by BellBivDeVoeVEVO
https://youtu.be/hgnhVcyLy1I
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ANNOUNCEMENT: I am making “you and what army?” my go to comeback for everything, every time, regardless of context.
3 days ago
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Eric Replatformed
4 days ago
4 out 5 cannibal doctors recommend limiting intake of librarians and other read meat
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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺
4 days ago
I don’t know what a substack is but if it doesn’t have something to do with hoagies I don’t want any part of it.
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Oh My God Becky
add a skeleton here at some point
3 days ago
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I'mWintersMom
6 months ago
if banana were spelled like mississippi it would be bannannanna
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FLAVOR FLAV ⏰
3 days ago
Letz go even bigger and better,,, ALL Female US Olympians and Paralympian medalists are invited out to celebrate in Viva Las Vegas for the SHE GOT GAME Weekend ,,, Hit a guy up and LETZ GOOO
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𝚌𝚛𝚢-𝚌𝚛𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚎
5 days ago
"if you can't tell time, don't do the crime." - my advice to chronically late getaway drivers
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haden reynolds (Robert)
7 months ago
"Dude Nod"
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Mary
7 days ago
Trying on glasses when you need glasses is like trying on clothes but they keep turning the lights down.
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Wristy
5 days ago
"I wish this wall looked like me" - Inventor of the mirror
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A Philly Girl Hitchhiking Through The Galaxy
9 days ago
I was watching the Bermuda Philharmonic play. All of a sudden, the guy on the triangle simply disappeared!
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Thinking back on my life, I miss my Trapper Keeper most of all.
3 days ago
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Danny
6 days ago
Slam Dancing To The Oldies!
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4 days ago
typos are enduring ah shit that was supposed to say endearing . good dammit . oh ffs that was supposed to say god dammit . duck . shit that was supposed to be f
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Jennifer Lee Noonan
13 days ago
Fighter pilot or flighter pilot
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Jeff
9 months ago
"I have a bomb, I want $200,000 and a parachute, and yes, it was Janet Leigh in The Manchurian Candidate (1962). You know her from Psycho and Bye Bye Birdie." - IMDb Cooper
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Chestbursty
7 days ago
The key is to edge sleep in the other room and then jump into bed and happy wiggle my way to dreams
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TwoSense
4 days ago
Once a week, I allow myself a cheat day (giving into all of my delusions)
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McSweeney's
4 days ago
"Hello, office of [CONGRESSPERSON’S NAME]! This is [YOUR NAME] from [CITY OR TOWN]. I’m calling to ask about [CONGRESSPERSON]’s stance on simply putting an end to this hellscape of a world and allowing humanity to fade into the black abyss of nonexistence."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/use...
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Use This Script to Call Your Congressperson and Ask Them to Please God Just End It All
Hello, office of [CONGRESSPERSON’S NAME]! This is [YOUR NAME] from [CITY OR TOWN]. I’m calling to ask about [CONGRESSPERSON]’s stance on simply put...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/use-this-script-to-call-your-congressperson-and-ask-them-to-please-god-just-end-it-all
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Theciscokidder
4 days ago
My new year's resolution to stop making old people noises is NOT going well.
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River Side Casino
5 days ago
Times are hard for everyone. The river witch is offering deep discounts on feet.
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ficklenuts
5 days ago
How am I supposed to be expected to get out of bed and do things when there's so much doom that I still haven't scrolled?
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Charlie Alzamora
5 days ago
The beloved owner of a tableware company has passed away. Following his wake, there will be a service for 8.
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andy vs.
4 days ago
Doc said no heavy machinery but my care bears cloud car seems pretty harmless
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Ygrene
4 days ago
they should invent a falling asleep on the couch that happens in bed
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Low Quality Facts
6 days ago
Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Coffee Rat pin. Pizza Rat cashed in on his 15 minutes of fame and is living the glamorous NYC influencer lifestyle. Sadly, no one has any love for Coffee Rat. Coffee Rat has to stick to the ol' 9-5 grind to make ends meet.
collabs.shop/maogy7
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Chip bitney
4 days ago
How is it only Monday again?!
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Chariots of Jorts
add a skeleton here at some point
5 days ago
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Chicken of Vermont
6 days ago
I'm like if weary and exhausted met at the club, had a one night stand, and the result of their hookup was a pasta-filled, fleshy, white meat sack in leggings and a hoodie.
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batkaren (a/k/a kt roth)
6 days ago
I look around the person ahead of me to find a long queue stretching into the distance. I turn back to the person behind me. “Do we even know what this line’s for?” I ask. “I think they’re screening for alien DNA?” they say. “… … Oh,” I reply, overly casually, then side-step towards the woods.
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Dan Cerinthedark
12 days ago
the mouth is the garage of the face
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Miss Havishambles
5 days ago
Turn that smile upside… oh
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sweetie π
5 days ago
can bones be tired i think they can bc mine sure are
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Ygrene
6 days ago
[octopus mom when octopus child is misbehaving] i am going to count to EIGHT
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key
10 days ago
said “what a day” before 6:30am so that’s how my day is going
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key
10 days ago
my therapist called your therapist and we all agreed that you should apologize to me
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It's Abby. Yep
about 2 years ago
Please don’t be insensitive. Posting about what you enjoy is triggering to people who can’t enjoy anything
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Greg the Miller
6 days ago
(pirate playing chess) checkmatey
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