can’t even afford the gas to get to pound town in this economy

I'm always willing to share my nachos for sex but I insist on half the sex up front and the other half after we finish the nachos

gonna start calling my eyes my “library holes”

credit where credit is due, getting your cult addicted to tallow before importing screwworms is a good bit

Do you know Alabama gasses people to death even when the jury voted for life? This is J Love, and Alabama intends to do that to him in less than a week.

Again, every single person involved in DOGE, including Elon Musk, needs to be sent to jail for the rest of their lives for these unprecedented crimes & constitutional violations.

My wife and I were once so in love with each other that we thought nothing would ever come between us. We just argued over cushion covers.

BIRD'S NEST ROY - “I'm not giving you my projector. This tape is all I can do for you and your friends' nightclub project.” HALF LIGHT - Poor apes on a stupid ball, with never enough money to do anything remarkable.

My take on cocaine is, essentially, that everybody who’s against is too against it and everybody who’s for it is too for it.

This thing better shoot me like a bank tube all way to the roof so I can shit at high elevations.

National Donut Day calls for this picture being posted

It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

We used to be a country that jorked it to MILFs

lemme grip you tight and raise you from perdition, playboy

many people who would have lived longer will die because of this. he’s one of the most destructive people on the planet.

they’re saying bing bong

MFW when Jeff Foxworthy and Dexter’s child is a time traveler.

(Extremely Semi Charmed Kind of Life) and I bumped again and I bumped again (x420)

feelings are a figment of the liberal media to scare you buying worthless subscriptions and SSRIs

for once the parasitic worm fucking up Texas isn’t Ted Cruz

ok now picture the smell

"Consumer preference for tequila and mezcal cocktails is climbing, with fruit juices leading mixer choices for both spirits" yeah dude...its June 3rd

girl whose bedroom is always playing the pokemon center song when you walk in

My crankiest old man take is that referring to all art/entertainment/journalism/criticism/comedy/advertising as “content” helped pave the way for broad-ish acceptance of AI slop.

I think of what happened to C. Martin Croker and I’m aghast. If you’ve ever watched and loved Aqua Teen Hunger Force or even just wanna support black voice actors, please help him out ❤️‍🔥👍🏾

Guys if I start rapping should I go by “Baby Sinclair”

ok now picture the smell

if you’ve been touched by an angel you may be entitled to compensation

Amy Winehorse: "They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said neigh, neigh neigh."

It’s absolutely insane to me that CBS has absolutely destroyed 60 minutes I fucking grew up getting my news from 60 minutes

the only radical center i respect is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

my favorite part of every internal meeting leak at CBS is that absolutely every single person at CBS that wasn't installed there by the ellisons or bari weiss hate the new leadership so much and let them know that

I know when we’ll see a lot of ‘em.

Fuck ICE

The Blade:

The problem with ships in bottles as a mass hobby is that people don't really know how they get into it. I'll see myself out.

You’ve heard of wapatoolie; now try the Fantalope.

Someone actually did a study a while back that showed the most effective way to get women out of TERF groups wasn’t people trying to change their minds, it was them getting literally any benign hobby, like learning other languages or taking up needlework

🚨PSA🚨

when you get mad at me online this is who you are getting mad at

Real Estate: Heartbreaking Podcast Studio Included

Saw this and thought of bsky

Bear Grylls’ original last name was Backins but he changed it because it sent the wrong message, lotta people don’t know that.

Air conditioning is unapologetically a good thing because it helps people not die. And one good thing about air conditioning is that it largely needs to run during the day when solar power is at its maximum: it can and should align with clean energy goals.

Today, I signed an Executive Order temporarily repealing bedtimes in the City of New York so that kids of all ages can watch our team in the NBA Finals. As Mayor, you’re forced to make many difficult decisions. This was not one of them. Go Knicks.

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller June 1,1946

my elderly Egyptian Uber driver happily informed me that he “supports the gays now” because he lives with a lesbian couple and “the husband lesbian is a better husband than I was”, happy pride everyone