cannot believe that this creature lives in my house

I like that the American convention of "old/rural = conservative" just doesn't hold up in large parts of Eastern Canada. You can hike deep into the forests of the Gaspé peninsula and meet septuagenarians with political views that would melt the tires clean off a Republican's car.

well I for one am shocked that "every aspect of your life gets worse forever and also look at my marble bathroom" did not turn out to be a winning election strategy

"it's inevitable" has never struck me as a compelling argument for AI. never seen a genuinely useful technology ushered in with the enthusiasm of a tired mom coming to terms with the fact that her kids are going to pick up foot fungus at a community pool.

closing the barn door after the horse is already three states away and co-hosting a racist podcast

5pm on November 1: let’s go for a walk, it’s still light out! 5pm on November 2: an early darkness blankets the land. Fallow fields lay bone-bleached by moonlight. The last memories of summer fade into oblivion. The last echoes of hope lapse into baleful silence.

happy “take your dragon to work” day to all who celebrate

when I worked in community services in the US, I helped fill out SNAP applications for people who'd once had successful careers as lawyers, healthcare professionals, bankers. The jaws of poverty can snap shut on anyone.

we ate a lot of Acadian and British food growing up, and I just assumed that we were poor. Then I got a little older and realized my parents made those foods to celebrate their cultural heritage. Now I realize that our main cultural heritage was being poor.

I think the funniest knock-on effect of the cost of housing is that I’ve accidentally raised a chihuahua who has zero response to the sound of a doorbell because she’s never actually lived in a home that has one

none of you are prepared for the bilingual album she releases after Justin Trudeau attempts to teach her Quebecois French

gosh I can’t believe the people who wrote a “here’s exactly how we would dismantle democracy and create a dystopian nightmare” book are currently dismantling democracy and creating a dystopian nightmare

if your family has ever reached a point where you just sort of let your senile grandpa yammer to himself while you carry on your own separate conversation, that’s the vibe in Canada right now

watching American news right now is sort of like watching Squid Games except only half of the contestants actually signed up to be there and for some reason the prize they're all competing for is additional ruinous debt

wild that the United States claims to be defunding the arts while also getting ready to stage the most immersive live-action remake of Les Miserables that the world has ever seen

boy are you a French jewel heist, because I did not expect you to last for only 7 minutes

if Obama had torn down part of the White House during his time in office, some of you would currently be scrolling the internet from the comfort of your trench on the frontlines of a border war between the United Appalachian Liberation Front and the Republic of New Ohio

ahh another beautiful day in the glorious age of technology, sure hope my doorbell doesn’t stop working because an online bookstore took over and then broke the entire internet

if you ever need a fun and easy way to make a person under the age of 20 think you're a complete lunatic, I highly recommend telling them how much gum we used to chew in the early 2000s

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream one where my dad is teaching lobsters to read

there is no one on this earth you should respect less than a politician who claims Canadian cities are terrifying war zones. like awwww, are you afraid of Halifax, Nova Scotia? it's okay, little buddy, that cannon they fire downtown is a show for tourists, it isn't real

there has got to be an easier way to be visited by the angry ghost of Catherine of Aragon

every day I wake up and scroll past at least five new posts that some poor kid in the year 2225 is going to have to memorize for the midterm of his "History 301: The Rise of 21st Century Ultra-Fascism" course

shocked to see racial slurs and Nazi rhetoric in that Young Republicans group chat, the same way that I am often shocked to open my sock drawer and find socks in there

Congratulations, it sounds like this thread that is very clearly and obviously about Canadian landlords who over-leveraged themselves to take advantage of Canada’s post-COVID spike in international students isn’t about you. Perhaps many things on the internet aren’t about you!

I could pay the finest scientists and engineers in the world to spend the rest of their lives pushing the limits of nanotechnology and still not be able to produce a violin small enough for these landlords www.theglobeandmail.com/business/art...

every night my father goes outside to yell at this porcupine to stop eating his apple tree, and every night this porcupine makes eye contact with my father as it continues to eat his apple tree

imagine overhearing your 12-year-old threaten to fuck their opponent’s mom over Xbox live and they are speaking to Bashar al-Assad

I think a Victorian orphan would survive drinking a McDonalds Sprite, but I think the sentence "in the future, Donald Trump opens a Qatari military base in Idaho" would have roughly a 38% mortality rate in the year 2002

it's crazy how fast movies become dated. for instance, the 2021 movie "Don't Look Up" no longer makes sense, because if an American scientist discovered a planet-killing comet heading towards us today, their main response would be "oh thank fuck for that"

boiling the oceans so a robot can check and see that you like Green Day and then recommend you a Green Day album that does not exist

this is what my brain pictures when you tell me that you’re generating AI content

writing a 2025 version of "We Didn't Start the Fire" that is just four minutes of indistinguishable frustrated yelling that ends with an evacuation alert for an actual wildfire

genuinely hard to believe that the lyrics “and I scream at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?” were written in 1993. What’s going on is that you can buy a house for $4 and a button, get on that.

the thing about that “first they came for” poem is that we’re already at least 2-3 lines deep and it’s not a very long poem

every day I wake up and read a headline that sounds like something a concussed writer for The Simpsons would come up with while trying to make an intentionally stupid joke about George Orwell

when they said there'd be bread and circuses, they should have specified that the bread would cost 200% more than it did four years ago and the circuses are only available on your least favourite streaming network for $19.99/month

went down a research rabbithole because I was curious how viruses get their names, and I don't know what I was expecting "papillomavirus" to mean, but it was not "nipple tumour virus", I can tell you that much

no one: some Disney exec in 1995: obviously children won’t understand the theme of architectural preservation in the original Hunchback of Notre Dame. so write a song about the corruption of religious power and sexual resentment disguised as piety. I’ll book the chamber choir.

are you filling up Howl’s Moving Castle

when I was a kid my mom would make me give my little brother a turn on Crash Bandicoot and I would have to sit there and watch him run off the map and waste all my extra lives and that's sort of how it feels to watch the news right now

daily Chinese news headline: Scientists grow the world’s first functional human spine replacement from a single drop of blood daily American news headline: White House declares that sunburns are caused by bees

just saw a French-language ad for the existence of Philadelphia, just in case anyone was wondering how desperate American businesses are for Canadian tourists to come back

POV: you just ate a piece of cheese and your dog can smell it on your fingers

Release the Earhart list! (of probable locations where Amelia Earhart’s plane crashed in the Pacific after running out of fuel, I guess, because there’s actually very little mystery about what happened to her)

[standing in line to watch Green Day perform 45 minutes of musical criticism of the Bush administration] gosh I hope there are no politics at this rock festival

everyone knows about the fight, flight, or freeze response, but fewer know about the 4th option (making the THX sound to ward off threats)

going outside to flash my tits at people mid-rapture tomorrow just to see if I can cause enough impure thoughts to send some of 'em crashing down

I have taken the Tylenol that was in the medicine cabinet and which they think probably is the reason you like trains forgive me but that’s bullshit you got autism from your dad

will never understand how Canadians became known for saying “eh” when we should be known for our ability to make the phase “okay buddy” mean everything from “of course I will give my life for yours” to “I am the drunkest man alive and I am going to fight you in this parking lot”