Bert and Ernie should have their own show. I don't want to have to watch Sesame Street to see what they're up to. I'm not 5

Spotted on Tumblr…

Wes Streeting has resigned to take the job he was born to do…regional sales manager for Moss Bros

Anybody else notice the guys who say it's "inevitable" Goodwife Putnam hang as a witch "so get used to it" are the same bros who only a few months ago were saying Sarah Browne the scullery maid hath spake bedeviling words in a tomcat's ear to make him walk on two legs in mockery of Christian man?

before and after smoking a big explosive cartoon cigar

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Outstanding by the good people of Inverclyde 👏

Five dollars? get outta here...

han solo had to express chewbacca's anal glands monthly

People are like snowflakes. Individually small and ineffective, but if we work together we can make my step dad crash his car into a tree.

Remembering Saddam Hussein on his birthday. Rest in peace.

I did an Orbital x Bicep mix a couple of years back

Guess I didn’t realize that it’s the GAY of Hormuz now. Because of woke. 😠

Japanese sci-fi: two robots in space, yearning American sci-fi: man gets the author's beliefs on polygamy confirmed by the aliens of ramalama IV french sci-fi: two horny bounty hunters visit the Galaxy of Breasts British sci-fi: nuclear war. Everyone dead. America's fault

It’s profoundly ignorant to suggest that the Pope should be fighting crime on behalf of the Catholic Church. Anyone who was remotely familiar with Roman Catholicism would know that that’s what Daredevil is for

This Reform leaflet from three Gateshead candidates looks like a timelapse of the same person

cyberpunk has had its run now it's time for cyberska give me robot rudeboys and augmentations that turn your hands into trombones

Woken by the Premier Inn's fire alarm.

First, the good news. The bathwater has been disposed of.

No, this is Sarah Connor in Judgement Day

A computer can never pack a bowl therefore a computer must never make a playlist

Mick Foley quit the WWE to post social media videos reminding us to hold the administration accountable for their crimes against immigrants.

europeans when asked to help unblock the strait of hormuz

Jesus when he comes back to Earth:

every British guy between the ages of 38 and 52 has intense, borderline troubling nostalgia for some insanely unplayable looking Amiga game called like “Bonky’s Quest”

People are losing the spirit of the Ides of March. It's not about just stabbing. It's about coming together to stab in groups

Ever since they put a pig heart in me people have been very cavalier in attributing my behaviour to the heart. I am enjoying bigger breakfast after a light dinner last night, not "giving into the pig".

Jesus Penis Groom Philippines Civil Registration (National), 1945-1996

"The Islamists oppose women getting an education," I mutter, as I aim my missile at the girls school

Hang this in the Louvre

The plot of the comic book "A-ha", which a woman reads as part of the music video for "Take on Me" by the band A-ha, is that guys show up and beat the singer from the band A-ha to death with wrenches. That's what's inside the comic book. That's how it ends.

The best account of why Iron Maiden are actually good I've ever entertained.

On account of @impq.bsky.social I’ve written a bit about Heavy Metal open.substack.com/pub/junglist...

Yes,,, your boy has taken a ride in the 4 man bobsled,,, but im an adrenaline junkie and needed to try skeleton. And now I’ve officially joined the team and am gonna try to start competing. 66 years old going 66 mph.

Watch with sound on

Another super rich, tax dodging cunt to add to the list.

The stranglehold that Monopoly has on the family board game market is indescribable.

DOCTOR: Your test results are back and it turns out you’re a fucked up mangy bald bird with a big weird nutsack neck. It’s a pretty bad situation. You should check out the great clown, Pagliacci. ME (The Great Clown Pagliacci):

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKIN ‘ELL

@robdelaney.bsky.social this was in one of my "on this day" things. it still makes me laugh at loud. never change too much.

january 30th: a partially formed mr. blobby stands by the perimeter fence and screams for thirty seconds before disappearing

Pretty sure he’s trying to hide the scar he got trying to steal a medallion off a woman in a bar fire in Nepal in the 1930s.

Liz Truss waiting patiently by her phone for Reform to ring, not realising it's actually a penguin biscuit

Wouldn’t have made it out of the VEEP writers room

Do we have to call it that

your lesbian aunt posing with one of the founders of Studio Ghibli at Comic Con

London in the good old days - before everyone's feet pointed forwards.

The first two hours this morning