I’m sure a “Why do “the right” hate innovation?” article will appear any day now. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

“It’s bigger than that, Chris, it’s large”

❤️

I know it’s Brass Eye but impossible not to think of “Stairwell nonce bashing”

Instagram has started to send me mad insane shit where all the comments are from equally nuts people. I miss when it was just nice photos and that.

Someone with a connection to Angela Morley read my book and got in touch with this anecdote from when his dad and Angela played in the Goon Show band:

This entirely innocent sounding website reminds me of one of my own paintings.

Don't access this site, for any reason. Signed, a former intel girlie

Getting quite good at scrolling past instantly when my eyes see the words “Breaking. President Trump….”

Gollocks

"I will ruin your career with a bad review" is actually an incredibly funny thing to say to an actual working writer, damn never had one of those before whatever will we do to overcome this major life setback

I don't think we should have a royal family at all but a compromise I could live with is if the UK became like Denmark or somewhere when you find you have to google to see if they've got a king or a queen.

Went swimming this afternoon but forgot it was half term.

Never mind, America. You can still laugh at our bad teeth.

Had to be done #AndrewMountbattenWindsor

People who say Andrew's arrest is to distract from the US bombing Iran. I think we're going to notice.

Good news for American wankers who live in states that banned Pornhub.

Bet the guy who blew up the twin towers to prevent Prince Andrew being arrested is feeling a right muppet this morning.

The thing about your Alan Partridge jokes is I don't think this would happen to Alan. "They're sex people, Lynn" Andrew is Dan. Not Alan.

Andrew being arrested has really spoiled my morning routine. “I’m sorry I’m late for your dad’s funeral I had to laugh at memes for an hour”

"What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Pizza Express meal?"

All the people who’ve given up social media for lent.

If today is your birthday you share it with Millie Bobby Brown, former popular singer Seal and former unpopular prince “Andrew”.

One thing to come out of Bad Bunny’s halftime show that I didn’t see coming was I’ve since been made aware that there’s people on the internet who think the bible was written originally in English and the Hebrew bible is a Jewish conspiracy. Thanks everyone.

I found this very interesting. Especially what Sally Phillips says. I would have loved Philippe Gaulier to tell me I’m unfunny. www.theguardian.com/stage/2026/f...

According to Instagram users everything is the most ever in history. “The most controversial scene in tv history”, “the most romantic moment of all time”, “the funniest blooper in the history of carbon based life forms”

“Watch me fall through this bar, Trigger”

“You dirty old man, Albert Steptoe”

Last year I wrote a short film, two screenplays and three sitcom scripts. Are there any production companies out there who’d like to read any of them? Let me know. Thanks!

I’ve neglected my prints this week. I will learn from this. Almost definitely. marswasrubbish.etsy.com

Joker. Angry with myself for falling for the hype. When I was leaving the cinema I heard someone mutter. “That was fucking awful”

There’s been conspiracy theories for years that 9/11 was an elaborate attempt to destroy documents. Never mind that many random pieces of paper survived the towers destruction. I love how conspiracy theorists never “do the research” after telling everyone else to do it.

My favourite moment from King of Comedy which is 43 today. To be honest it’s probably my favourite moment from any Scorsese film. youtu.be/wjaKdtYbTto?...

If you want to get rid of some incriminating documents you don't want anyone to see, the best course of action is to hide them on the top floors of the most famous twin towers in the world and hit them with two hijacked passenger planes.

Bought tickets to see this. I’ve never seen Sylvester McCoy in the flesh before and it feels a little odd growing up knowing Matthew Kelly as a presenter to see him act on stage. “Well you look nowt like him” citz.co.uk/whats-on/wai...

All Upcoming Films Canceled After Every Living Actor Called To ‘Avengers: Doomsday’ Set For Reshoots https://theonion.com/all-upcoming-films-canceled-after-every-living-actor-called-to-avengers-doomsday-set-for-reshoots/

Just seen a trailer for Lee Cronin's The Mummy which looks horrible (in hopefully a good way) Jack Reynor looks very similar to how he looked in Midsommar. He's very good at playing pathetic boyfriends. youtu.be/93HgCahBy4k?...

Oh no. Now my child abuse friendly constantly wrong theft machine that encourages vulnerable people to kill themselves has adverts? I’m out.

2026 basically

gm

I regularly see people wondering how it's possible that there are so many musicians and writers and film makers and artists from a tiny nation like Iceland. And the answer is really simple: State funding for art education and artists. I literally get a salary from the government to write books.

Well you would.

This "why does the left hate AI?" thing is like when the right believes protests are paid for by George Soros; they need a SECRET CONSPIRATORIAL AGENT because they refuse to believe that, actually, a lot of people are independently looking at what AI is being made to be and saying "ok that sucks?"

A comedy hero of mine and not just because he spells Graeme properly.

From 2019

I'm starting to think I'm not going to see a return on my £50,000 investment in Fuckaroundandfindout Industries PLC.

Spectator columnists furious about the drinks menu at Greggs. "I suppose it was a bit of a hard day at the ice cream factory" youtu.be/3PGk7JErGrA?...

Fond memories of This Used To Be A Country type articles when Greggs introduced vegan sausage rolls.