I always encourage people to ask if they'd qualify for platelet donation. I don't because according to the specialist I'm "far too skinny" but you might be ideal and you could save a life.

I know I'm alone on this but I thought Mitchell and Webb are not helping wasn't quite as awful as everyone else did. It needed better editing but I did laugh occasionally and a lot of shows that are meant to make me laugh are lucky if they get so much as a smirk.

I totally read this wrong. They each have a twin?

Probably my worst Halloween was when a witch cursed me to not have the ability to make seasonal jokes at the right time of year.

pour one out to an icon www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

how all youtube ads sound to me

The woman from the fish counter at the big Tescos nodded at me despite me never buying fish.

*when it happens to literally anyone wlse* This is an outrage! *when it happens to Dom Joly* You know, they’re own country with their own rules. I mean you know…I’m not saying I agree with them but Trigger Happy was just one joke done badly.

Deadly serious exposition character in a zombie movie: “While you were on that submarine, the world changed. The dead walk now, and if one bites you — you become one. We call them … Deados.” POV character: “You call them what?” Exposition character: “Walk…Walkos.” POV character: “Let’s move on.”

I used to joke that my time in comedy was my Vietnam. A pointless 10 year long campaign no one asked me to do that involved many deaths. This morning I woke in a cold sweat convinced I had a gig I was unprepared for. I’m still having flashbacks.

Nice to get an MBE for services to feigning laughter when I'm washing my car and someone says "you can do mine next!"

Worth remembering that not only does Rian Johnson get overexcited when he’s booked the Rick Astley room for shooting Knives Out, he also tweeted this image from The Last Jedi.

The one-armed drummer from Def Leppard gave me a reiki treatment in a Las Vegas dressing room while prop comic Carrot Top watched silently from the doorway.

Carl shoves Roger, Roger shoves Carl, and tempers rise.

Sir Roy Clarke!!

Dominic Holland (Tom’s dad) asked me if I wanted a seat on a bus and tutted because I didn’t say no thank you quickly enough.

I DONE IT SHIRLEY.

According to the best Christians The Daily Telegraph.

Love the presumption in this post. I mean who doesn’t love Alice In Chains?

Lily Savage. "Bardot a fascist" at 6'42" www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nR6... A second, but she called it

Another Ellis Rosen cartoon that speaks to me.

I think I need a print of “Walk for your lives”.

Phew. Talked myself out of applying for an improv course.

Worm Jizz Wars 3

You had me at ‘Peter Serafinowicz as “an acclaimed ceramicist”.’

Top Adrian Chiles Columns of 2025: I’ve given up wild swimming. So why does my Volvo smell like mince? Should I tell the postman he has halitosis? My first wife wouldn’t let me wear shorts. I buried my father with my bare hands. It’s time we stopped talking about glamping. 1/3

Last repost. I now have about as many followers as I had on Twitter and about 4 times more engagement. To be mercenary about it I made about one print sale a month by the end. I make about 10 month through Bluesky.

Mecha Hitler wasn't enough for them to leave, Grok directly plagiarizing their work wasn't enough either. OP states later in the thread that their Twitter account is less than a year old and brags about their larger following there. I think we have all the information we need.

Watching an old Dave Allen last night and I was a little surprised by female nudity. I knew it happened. There's a topless woman in Monty Python and I think there's nudity in Spike Milligan's Q series but it's like I've wiped my own search history.

Excellent point here about Brian and Roger.

Oh how exciting. New high quality printing paper has arrived. *coughs* marswasrubbish.etsy.com

If I was a picture editor I'd go proper old school and illustrate articles on burglary with a man in a black and white striped top, eye mask and carrying a bag with "swag" written on it.

My wish for 2026 is that editors finally give up on using the hoodie/matrix text trope when illustrating articles about cyber.

In which Telegraph journalists, straight-facedly claiming that the council tax surcharge on properties over £2m will flag such properties to burglars, claim to have neve heard of 'walking down a street and looking at the houses'.

Sophie Aldred's on Celebrity Mastermind tomorrow. Someone's specialty subject is "The actor Sylvester McCoy". I don't think I'll stop laughing until well into the new year if it isn't her.

Ooh. I know but only because weirdly this came up in a real life conversation last month. Clue: We were talking about the Streisand effect.

South Park alumnus Toby Morton saw the rename on the cards months ago and bought the trumpkennedycenter domain (com and org). https://www.trumpkennedycenter.org

Neal Street, Covent Garden, London - December 2025

I solved 8 wars so I should be allowed to start at least 4.

Even without "the unpleasantness," I'm not sure many people under a certain age – and that may now be a very great age – have a great emotional connection to Bardot. Even an old bastard like me doesn't really remember her as a *force*...

Service is a book about a grumpy middled aged bookseller. This is like hearing your Spotify listening age is your actual age.

The BBC need to stop saying funded by you at the end of every other programme but it makes my mum swear every time.

RFK’s lies are going to kill a lot more people than any lab leak. Especially fictional ones.

NO THEY LITERALLY AREN’T

Curious to see if Skinner sues for not winning this as well.

I concur

As it seems to work so well for instagram accounts, behold, the greatest collection of prints in the history of art. marswasrubbish.etsy.com

I don’t know, random person on instagram inexplicably with 300,000 followers, I don’t think this clip from a show I’ve never heard of really is the greatest moment in the history of television.

One of the oddest thing about the modern world is the way AI evangelists preaching magical solutions which are mathematically impossible according to Information Theory rely on systems built on Information Theory to pitch their monorails.