Excuse me, I'm going to spend the night whispering to Ed Miliband like I'm the Green Goblin mask.

Sky News (@news.sky.com)’s Beth Rigby says UK Cabinet ministers are set to start moving against Keir Starmer tomorrow, telling the PM “the game is up” The writers of United Kingdom are just replaying the hits at this stage from the classic Season 2021

There's a screenshot going around of authors admitting to AI use and one of them appears to write hardcore monsterfucking fics and this makes me sad. If you're not writing monsterfucking fics for the sheer, genuine love of the game then what the hell are we even doing here?

We lost Douglas Adams 25 years ago today. This has made a lot of people very sad and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

I will not judge someone for writing a story about fucking Mothman. I will heavily judge someone for using AI to write a story about fucking Mothman.

I submitted a book draft today! It's kind of taken a back seat to the fact that I appear to have accidentally joined the war on Paranormal Erotica on the side of Paranormal Erotica but, you know, still exciting?

"How do I gently break it to my new monsterfucker followers that I am an ally and not an active member of their lovely community." and other Monday afternoon thoughts.

I introduced Cormac Quinn at the launch of his new book, Murder on Lough Derg, last week and absolutely nailed the "stand like a normal human" part of the brief.

The finished copies of my novel Experts in a Dying Field also arrived this morning. The golden fox actually glitters!

I was screen sharing my phone to my parents' TV so that I could show them our wedding video and my gallery accidentally popped up with all the screenshots of these tweets I cross-post onto Insta and I honestly think it would have been less embarrassing if it had been full of nudes.

The sheer blandness of the man is staggering. It's like a government experiment where they tried to weaponize the dullest person in your office.

There's a screenshot going around of authors admitting to AI use and one of them appears to write hardcore monsterfucking fics and this makes me sad. If you're not writing monsterfucking fics for the sheer, genuine love of the game then what the hell are we even doing here?

Slipping into the RIPs

My favorite mother’s day cartoon from the stupendous @rosemarymosco.com

I am doing my late-stage review pass on a manuscript where I read it out loud and, on the one hand, it's stupidly effective at finding little typos, repeated words and sentences that read weird. On the other hand, my throat hurts, it takes forever and I'm sick of the sound of my own voice.

Reform have suspended a newly elected Sunderland councillor for racist comments, but that's a different Sunderland councillor to the one that was kicked out the party the other day and also not the one who beat his partner and allegedly abused a child that was elected on Thursday.

Today in toxic masculinity, I insisted that I be the one to replace the doorbell because "man use drill" etc. Anyway, I managed to strip two screws to the point that they just live in the doorframe now, break the little removing pin thing and scrape all the skin off my middle finger.

The state of it

every person with a low-grade fever who just stepped off the hantavirus cruise ship:

you mess with the bull you get the horns. you mess with the goat you get the woodwinds. the horse has the string section and the rabbit is on percussion

Evergreen headline.

Doctor: I'm afraid that your partner's X-Ray revealed a toxic level of macro-plastics in his system. My fiancée: You mean "micro-plastics"? *Doctor puts X-ray scan on the lightbox, revealing that I have been eating Happy Meal toys.* Doctor: No.

I'm sure the new Reform council members won't usher in a new age of local corruption at a scale never before seen by man nor beast.

Ofcom-regulated (GB News) TV presenter latest

Reminder that my latest book is a Kindle monthly deal :o It's the third in the series but you don't need to have read the others (although of course I'd appreciate that). Ghosts! Pro-wrestling! A dog! www.amazon.co.uk/Grapples-Wra...

I was actually born with only one wolf inside me so have spent my life waiting for an emergency wolf transplant. We have a donor wolf. What we lack is a surgeon who isn't a coward.

The more return to talking about accents in movies based on the classics, the more I respect that Alexander the Great movie for going "You know what? Macedonians speak with Irish accents. Deal with it."

I should be working, and yet...

There's so many incredible Irish writers releasing cool books at the moment that it makes it all the harder knowing that we will inevitably all have to battle one another with swords for the The Prize like in Highlander.

"we go live now to Richard Dawkins, for his thoughts on AI."

The fun thing about lifting weights is that you can tell yourself things like "muscle weighs more than fat" and "weight moves weight" when it's clear you've just been eating like a Medieval king for months.

this brilliant, funny and romantic book about sexy, bickering writers is by @urchinette and is published today. you should all go out now and buy it

“Absolute horses” has now entered 21stC slang.

Today is publication day for my book, Prestige Drama. It's a funny, angry book about Derry, memory and Troubles-scented television. I think it's quite good, however I can *confirm* that it's quite short. But don't take my word for how great it is, look at all these lovely people saying that.

Taking this opportunity to introduce you to TASKBY! Basically, one day a dude @'ted me on twitter saying 'Why do you like Taskmaster? He's like Marvel Kirby', and then I spent the rest of the day doodling progressively more cursed images of it

You can put almost any completely innocuous word into the search bar here and at least one of the top five results will always be either aggressively sexual cartoon furry drawings or some lad's willy, that's da magic of Bluesky

Man’s Ironclad Grasp Of Issue Can Withstand 2 Follow-Up Questions https://theonion.com/man-s-ironclad-grasp-of-issue-can-withstand-2-follow-up-1819577460/

This is beyond the pale.

This is beyond the pale.

😬 www.reddit.com/r/ireland/co...

speaking of webcomics I still think this Hark A Vagrant panel is like. the single funniest image of all time

I love weddings. Particularly if it's a good friend's wedding where you know a lot of people. Weddings are the only time now that, as a 36 year old man, I dance all night.

DERRY! I'll be doing my first ever signing for PRESTIGE DRAMA in Little Acorns this Sunday 10th May at 3pm. Most sources agree that you should buy 4-5 copies of my excellent debut novel, and I'll sign every single one of them. Hell, I'll sign any other books you have on you. I'll sign your granny.

"and somehow, this AI knows that what I have typed is correct"

Dog keeps barking at the postman no matter how many lectures I give her on not conforming to harmful stereotypes.

Sharing, without comment, British newspapers’ depictions of the only Jewish person currently leading a UK political party . Times. Mail. Telegraph. Sun.