russell
@russbhere.bsky.social
📤 213
📥 151
📝 231
did someone say cookies
pinned post!
cats are beautiful, loving creatures and they want you dead
12 months ago
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Zippo
7 days ago
There's no way that's all Mariah Carey wants for Christmas
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DaddyJew
3 months ago
they should make a sandwich bag that’s big enough to hold a sandwich
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DaddyJew
6 months ago
Murder, She Passive Aggressively Hinted
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DaddyJew
10 days ago
have your emergency contact call my emergency contact
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sweetie π
11 days ago
no one would mess with me if they knew how many probiotics i have ingested
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nature should spice things up with a beautiful deadly poisonous butterfly
11 days ago
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Big Krampus Energy
13 days ago
"I'll burn down your house" - legally actionable, boring, common "I told the trees about you" - legally acceptable, foreboding, unsettling, the plants know your name and hate you
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Gretchen von Tongeln
about 1 year ago
I don't want tea to be soothing, I need it to make me sharper, more vengeful.
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hobbies include: • breathing deeply • walking backwards • finding strength to call and ask her
13 days ago
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Amish Super Model
13 days ago
*slowly puts earbuds in during your story*
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it’s crazy a whole generation’s last words are gonna be “am i cooked chat”
15 days ago
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Fun
17 days ago
a coke and coffee joint called bump and grind
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wargen
18 days ago
being breedable isn't going to get you out of this one
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Jerry Chen
17 days ago
opening a fine cigar box to reveal mozzarella sticks
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did they really release a candle that smelled like gwyneth paltrow’s hoo-ha in 2020 or was that just a fever dream
17 days ago
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Greg the Miller
17 days ago
got a soda in my stocking from fanta claus
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Jason the Ho (Ho Ho) ®️ 💛🤍💜🖤
18 days ago
I really expected Bridgerton to have more bridges.
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traumahawk
17 days ago
7-layer bean dip at sunrise is only for those with a pure heart and nothing to lose
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much like predatory humans, the mantis gets its victims to lower their guard by pretending to be religious
17 days ago
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andy vs
about 1 month ago
When one of you deactivates I imagine you being taken off stage with one of those big canes
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harpy
about 1 month ago
expanding my mind but only height-wise. tall brain
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Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑
about 1 month ago
"Quiet, piggy" I mutter to myself as I try to open a plastic bakery container in the middle of the night.
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weeder
9 months ago
What brick through yonder window breaks?
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
about 1 month ago
if god is dead then who keeps smiting me
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me: i know you are but what am i police officer, now under arrest: shit
about 1 month ago
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russell
Algonquin K Farquhar II
about 1 month ago
Some of you wear pants at home and it shows
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i bet water vapor is super happy when it’s in a cloud with the other water vapor
about 1 month ago
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Candy Elliott
about 1 month ago
Nothing brings a couple closer than overhearing another couple fight at the next table.
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russell
Jason, ex Inferis
about 1 month ago
I remember the first time I learned there were horny milfs in my area I screamed
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richie
about 1 month ago
just butting in to say leave me out of it
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them: trust your gut my gut: i bet lava is delicious
about 1 month ago
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Tamper Proof Lid
about 1 month ago
I would simply not walk through The Valley of the Shadow of Death
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gordon lightfoot was a prolific singer song writer. gordon heavyfoot is wanted in seven states for reckless driving
about 1 month ago
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cumbersome is when something feels like cucumbers
about 1 month ago
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cargo pants need a rebrand. i’m thinking ✨pockets galore✨
about 2 months ago
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andy vs
about 2 months ago
*performs a lobotomy and plays the empty recycle bin sound*
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nobody: 90s guy wearing a suede jacket: “it’s suede”
about 2 months ago
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pronounces argue like segue
2 months ago
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the republican party used to stand for something
2 months ago
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Skip “Skippy” Skipperson
2 months ago
Supermoon, and I chose soup.
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Miss Havishambles
2 months ago
You won’t recognise the Supermoon with its glasses on.
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donni saphire
2 months ago
I bet our brains will come out of this ordeal very cool and normal
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i love it when a movie punches your heart right in the dick
3 months ago
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russell
Viktor Winetrout
about 1 year ago
My wife & I tried role play but we kept fighting over who would be Mr. Bean
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
3 months ago
I can’t move mountains but I can shift blame.
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brian
3 months ago
I do not give ants permission to crawl on me Repost this on your own page to prevent ants from crawling on you
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russell
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
3 months ago
'You're a nice guy, but you mistake kindness for romantic interest' she flirted.
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i hope my final words are “i love you” and not “ouch”
3 months ago
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Jim
3 months ago
Remember, never let anyone ruin your day. It's your day. Be an adult. Ruin it yourself.
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Jason, ex Inferis
3 months ago
Star Trek II directors cut? You mean the long khan?
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