they should invent a type of physical therapy that involves eating cheese

Pac-man is a circle of anxiety, comfort eating while being pursued by the consequences of his past actions

Two different buckets are evaluated side by side. (pails, in comparison)

8 yo me would be so relieved to hear we made it this far without drowning in quicksand or being eaten by a Komodo Dragon

DeepMind, Prometheus, Anthropic, Gemini, Vertex, Perplexity, Synthesia In a dystopian future plagued by unruly poor folks, angry laborers, and evil tax levying governments, a new clan of heroes emerges to protect the wealth of the greatest shitbags the world has ever known

Just like rock & roll and the internet, AI is a fad which will fade away soon enough.

I wish death on no one but I would love to be among those proclaiming “blotus has contracted typhoid. Good I’m glad he’s shitting out his spleen and his people deserted him, so has to clean his own muddy asshole.”

Drop a movie that traumatized you as a kid.

Drop a movie that traumatized you as a kid.

Drop a movie that traumatized you as a kid.

Drop a movie that traumatized you as a kid.

I wish death on no one but I would love to be among those proclaiming “blotus has contracted typhoid. Good I’m glad he’s shitting out his spleen and his people deserted him, so has to clean his own muddy asshole.”

Just like rock & roll and the internet, AI is a fad which will fade away soon enough.

Welcome to Bluesky oh Jesus Christ will you shut the fuck up already

When they tell us free healthcare is an outrageously unaffordable fever dream of lazy freeloaders I like to remember that time when covid hit and the government sent out several rounds of checks to everyone totaling $40 gazillion and never missed a beat

Me: Time is a man made construct 2nd Law of Thermodynamics: Hot take, boomer

Why is it called weed paranoia and not a pothole?

Old enough to remember when the news was portioned out to us twice per day in 30 minute servings leaving 23 full hours to not give a fuck

My game show opponent: I can name that tune in 3 notes! Me: I can name it in 0 notes Host (scoffing): Ok Donk name that tune! *silence in the studio* Me: ‘Pop That Pussy’ by 2 Live Crew Opponent (chuckling): Real nice idiot Host: Holy Shit that’s right! Donk has won a brand new AMC Gremlin!

4 out of 5 psychiatrists recommend you block me

not to brag but I’m the most followed person at this applebee’s

i think my phone just deleted all my drafts as a precautionary measure

beating myself up over being too hard on myself

The difference between cucumbers and pickles is jarring.

do not tap the glass do not feed the fish do not acknowledge the bots

LL Cool J stands for Limited Liability Company oooh oooh el jay for the love of god, don’t post this oops too late

I got that dawg in me (I ate a hot dog)

Welcome to Bluesky, this is all you do now.

BREAKING: In Final Act, Chuck Norris Defeats Chuck Norris

they should make kids that aren’t so difficult

I can probably get a song stuck in your head by simply saying the love boat

Hahaha you think there's something special about Saturday nights? What are you, a young?

not every dick is a dude but every dude is a dick

My game show opponent: I can name that tune in 3 notes! Me: I can name it in 0 notes Host (scoffing): Ok Donk name that tune! *silence in the studio* Me: ‘Pop That Pussy’ by 2 Live Crew Opponent (chuckling): Real nice idiot Host: Holy Shit that’s right! Donk has won a brand new AMC Gremlin!

I joined a gym that guarantees results. And by "results" I mean a recurring $50 charge whether I go or not.

when your fart sounds like a question

I’ve been asked to prove myself, so behold the 2-pounds of butter cake, undecorated but ready to send all guests to the ER after 2 bites

If only AI could be used for good…

Let's make the funeral festive

once I learn if based is good or bad it's all over for you bitches

Ireland being called normal and rational:

Seeking a kind soul with a warm mouth for the apocalypse.

want to feel old? all those saxophones from 80s pop are dead now

To my new followers. I’m boring, gross, un-entertaining, and full of useless information. You’re welcome.

what absolute fucken nimrod didn’t name this PROTINI????

🔭 Astronomer Antonia Maury (b. #OTD in 1866) was a "Harvard Computer" (women who processed astronomical data at the Harvard College Observatory). Known for her independent & rigorous scientific mind, her work provided the foundation for how we understand the life cycles of stars today. #WomenInSTEM

This AI search assistant contradicts itself faster than the Bible

Hi folks captain Jim here. Sorry for the hassle but we’re descending for a pass over Davenport, Iowa because the dumbass in seat 11B is blasting Blink 182 from his MacBook speaker. At 1,000 ft we’re gonna toss him out the rear door and hop back up to 35,000 ft in to finish this out jaunt to LA

My large mutant son Snaxon just ordered a hamburger and chicken nuggets at La Tour d'Argent and the waiter shot him with a tranquilizer dart and sold him to the circus

Ask them about beets. Everyone has strong opinions about beets.