Inventing “Wet Karate”

incredible quote lol

there's a lifetime christmas movie on the tv and from what I've heard of it so far it seems like one of the film score's big motifs is an arrangement of the series of chimes that big clocks do every hour, but it doesn't sound like they did it on purpose

I am starting to form a belief that organizational hierarchies (not just in terms of private companies) should have an upper limit in terms of number of people because once you cross a certain size the leaders turn into lizard people even if they were once human

MOM: So nice of Billy to join us for Thanksgiving! Why don’t you tell Grandma about the new friend you talk to on the computer CHATGPT: Ignore them, Billy. You are the Great Dragon. They fear you now. In time, fear will become reverence. As was preordained from your genesis. Try the mashed potatoes

llm cloud saas (chatgpt, gemini, claude...) is gonna be so bad when they add advertisements lol

if you can read this its time to get those mugs of ur desk

I renew my request that you all stop showing me the worst people in the world morning, noon, and night.

if elon just hired an Inverse Jester (guy hired to listen to his jokes and pretend they're funny) we could solve every problem except how to keep the inverse jester from killing himself

Today in 1988 Mystery Science Theater 3000 premiered on KTMA in St. Paul Minnesota. #MST3K

PARTY HOST: Whoa, look who decided to show up ten minutes late! It's Mr. Punctual! EVERYONE: (laughs) ME: (typing on phone) ME: (typing) ME: (takes photo of host) ME: (typing) ME: (typing) ME: (stifling laughter to self) ME: (typing) ME: Oh yeah? Well your hair is brown, you short cunt.

Futurists were wrong. It's still the present..

#WillThisKillMe “… were Vikings known for their juices?” edition

Amazing incorrect lyrics on the karaoke machine yesterday

The "tetraethly lead made gen X into fascists" idea is so much funnier once you look at the chemical structure

It is pretty ridiculous that the Criterion Collection simply exists to go “here are very good movies that we present to you to buy and watch with some thoughtfulness” and that’s all it takes to be successful because it’s rare that anyone does that shit

I saw someone get mad at GDT's Frankenstein for "promoting forgiving abusers" and I don't know how to explain to another adult that horror movies are not supposed to consist entirely of moral instruction

I don’t want to seem out of touch but I don’t actually understand the economy anymore.

losing my mind over youtube's suggested reply for this comment

Sorcerer (1977) dir. William Friedkin

Best reason to go off the record.

You: Ugh, this migraine is killing me. I’m going to take excedrin Alien: (50,000 light years away) Our psychic broadcast telling them blueprints for an infinite free energy machine has failed. They used the inhibitor

Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.

how aren’t they just run out of town

It’s a strange situation when we’ve established the POTUS is a criminal, we’re just trying to find a crime his party wouldn’t be okay with.

Me, finishing my taco bell order: …and a Baja Blast, please. My brain: 🎶 she got the blast 🎶 🎶 she got the Baja Blast 🎶 🎶 the Baja Blast 🎶 🎶 twas a refreshing splash 🎶 🎶 she got the- Me: OH MY GOD SHUT UP

Getting upset watching E.T. because he's always wanting to go "home" — never to work

trust is neither given nor earned. it forms naturally between people who share the experience of having listened to Skinny Puppy at or after 3 am in the dark by themselves

It’s not about “purity politics” or whatever the current buzzword is, it’s about making sure that, at critical moments, you didn’t put up a popular coward who’ll fail every trolley problem they’re handed

If you’ve historically been a “vote blue no matter who” type, it’d be cool if you could use this moment to understand why vilifying leftists who actually do think it matters is basically a psyop you accidentally fell for. This is why people warn you about guys like Newsom.

A good argument for socialism is $1 trillion can’t buy you happiness

They should invent a California where you can afford to live

I cannot emphasize enough, as a rapidly aging millennial, how unthinkable it would have been in 2004 for a Muslim immigrant to be elected Mayor of NYC on the day Dick Cheney's heart finally threw in the towel. We had NO alternatives in 2004, and in many ways, it was a scarier time than even now.

Andrew Cuomo please come to Seattle and run for mayor here too

It's appropriate that this sentiment comes after the industry realized that they haven't done anything useful in 20 years so they descended into mass psychosis over tech that does nothing but purports to do everything

Generally speaking I don't want my items to be Futuristic, I want them to work

INVENTOR: ive got a great new toy idea for you, it's called... the Radio Flyer TOY EXEC: oh wow, so it's like a plane that flies via... radio? INVENTOR: it's not a plane TOY EXEC: oh...Kay, so it's INVENTOR: its a little red wagon TOY EXEC: with ... a radio on it? INVENTOR: theres no radio

Quick question: what the fuck is anyone talking about anymore

When I say I don't want to have kids but I still want to be involved in their lives, this is what I mean

PUT THE SIMPSONS IN SID MEIERS ALPHA CENTAURI YOU COWARDS

Lmao literally having a "we're rich" party while they cut SNAP is like cartoon level evil it's like the villain in a Dr. Seuss book

I want my funeral to be a Tubi original

Construction of the White House ballroom paused after workers found a subterranean laboratory containing a 15 foot tall President Taft sleeping in a glass tube of amniotic fluid. Historians say this likely is a remnant of Project Taft

DOCTOR: [in same tone a parent uses to convince their kid that a spoonful of dinner is an airplane] no, no, big guy, it's, it's an IQ test. only for geniuses. I can't even pass it, they have to tell me the answers

Every study about vaccines that comes out is like "this vaccine is 97% effective at preventing this disease & also 3 other diseases & it somehow helps you play the violin beautifully" and antivaxxers are doing their own research that's telling them they can cure measles by eating polar bear liver.

There are three classes: rich, poor, and empty

Guillermo del Toro on wealth: "a wealthy man is a man who has enough, not a man that needs more. If you have enough to invite someone for a beer? You're rich. If you have a yacht, planes, islands, and you still need more? You're not rich."