Make sure you scroll down so that you can find @duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social and vote for her at the link listed above.

Apparently I'm in a contest pitted against "Men Don't Read"? Heads, as we say, will roll.

Props to my phone for reminding me that the kid went through this particular fashion moment in 2021. Note @duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social looking on approvingly from the lower left corner…

I'm going to have a nice peaceful day with no bad news if it kills us all.

I think I'll come back in my next life as the quick breath before every surprise belly laugh. Look for me.

Some of you seem to have failed to cultivate a thirst for vengeance. It's not how I raised you.

Remember I get 10% of all friendships developed through a shared love for me. No checks.

Save a little Thursday in a glass dish. A day will come when you'll be glad to have it warmed up on toast points.

On any clear October evening, you can get a pretty good buzz just from licking the edges of the night sky.

In the 19th century, prologues served a useful purpose in literature because the past tense hadn't yet been invented.

So many distractions for you children these days! I almost think they might be pulling focus from my ongoing campaign against prologues.

God has promised me my enemies will receive the word in the form of a rage stroke in a Florida golf course toilet. I remain steadfast in hope.

I am chuffed to the point of unpleasantness to have a story in this year's Best American Short Stories, chosen by the wonderful @pronounced-ing.bsky.social!

Jewel thieves are out there hustling, cracking open the Louvre in broad daylight, and yet not one of you can be arsed to steal my portrait. Why do I even bother running a cult?

Blessings upon those who told me how to kill off "Discover" and to append "-ai" to all searches. Yours is the kingdom of heaven.

I'm very proud of you all today. Well done. No notes.

Out now: 37 new episodes of my podcast, all featuring me and the monks of Crooked Path as we sit in contemplative silence for hours. Bliss.

We're coming up on a waning crescent moon, which means right now it isn't all puffed up with sodium, retaining seawater. It's healthier for it.

@rebeccamakkai.bsky.social Rebecca, my friend! Hello there, wondrous one.

Creative expression is the essence of the human experience. Try making a new dish, or stabbing an ai slopper with a wooden stake.

Wow! What a night. Thank you to @lylelovett.bsky.social for a magical experience. And, thank you to @duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social for the inspiration.

For me: friends and fun, and a book, and life itself.

In New Orleans with my book club to see Lyle. We ran into him at the airport in Austin and told him we were flying out just to see him after reading (and loving) your book. He suggested that we let you know! Can’t wait until tonight’s show (after a carb-filled dinner.)

These nice ladies introduced themselves to me this morning at Austin Bergstrom as book-club-member fans of our beloved @duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social. They told me they’d bought tickets to our show tonight in Metairie, Louisiana, because they’d read Duchess’s book. Thank you, Your Grace.

Remember me as one who encouraged you to keep up your daily carbs, even when I had pressing engagements elsewhere.

Cut yourself a cross section of any October afternoon, and beneath the shale level you're going to find a hard nugget of old caramel. It'll still taste good.

Little less conversation, little more ritualistic dancing in the moonlit forest to ward off evil, please.

Just tooling around the lake district today in my Mercedes S-class pinewood derby car. Anything happening out there I should know about?

I see a lot of you trying to cheer each other up and cheer each other on. It all adds up. I'm keeping a tally.

I can't bear to look. Someone check and see if I'm on the list.

I've extended my online blackout. You may entertain yourselves by doodling my name over and over in your diary, like any other weekend.

Good morning! Today I'd like you all to disconnect completely from the ongoing horrors. I won't post, so you will not miss anything critically Goldblattian. Go.

Ice cream for dinner: appropriate self-care. Ice cream for lunch: any pretense at normalcy is gone. Lunacy reigns. 10/10.

Maybe have another coffee and do some judicious and exuberant blocking.

Tonight I'll sing you a lullaby of Goldblatt and tomorrow you will see signs that the world is righting itself, if only incrementally.

It's that time again: I put my employment in jeopardy and nominate @duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social for an honorary degree. Imagine! "That's *Doctor* Duchess Goldblatt."

Burying the lede two paragraphs down is a rookie mistake. Get a backhoe. Go down 12 feet. Forensic scholars will never find your point.

I trust you're all living in accordance with my teachings on the sanctity of revenge.

Good night, loons and weirdos. I'll swing by to see you tonight in your dreams.

Use the edge of a penny to scratch off the top layer of the morning. It looks like a Sunday, but I think you'll find a Monday hiding underneath.

FONSECA is a New York Times Book Review Editors' Choice 💫 #booksky #penelopefitzgerald #novel #historicalfiction #mexico

Yawn and stretch and try to come to life? In this economy?

Other ways you can support my work: • Save the cool side of the pillow for me • Don't let anyone eat my dessert • Curse my enemies to eternal damnation, early and often

Is everyone sending me 10% of your positive mental energy each month as per your vows? The till's a bit low.

Good vibes are free, and if you have any on hand, it's your moral obligation to share. Besides, the factory-farmed vibes sold retail are known carcinogens.

If you don't like my peaches, don't take the plums out of my icebox.

When updating your will, consider donating your body to the cozy mystery writing community. They might request early possession for R&D.

Challenge: Post your last photo taken in DC to show what a hellhole it is.

Up and at 'em! Let's go. I want peace on earth and lunch at 1 or by God, heads will roll.

Don't set your cheese free. It will never come back, no matter how much you once loved each other.