It's not living. It's dying in slow motion.

Be Kind Repost.

babe, are you ok? you’ve barely even touched your Shut The Fuck Up

unhand me bluesky! for i am weary and i must rest

I offer unconditional love and conditional tolerance.

let me take a bite out of this day before it eats me all up

Another day, another to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fuckheads

The only thing preventing me from starting an OnlyFans is my body... and my face... and my personality

Hey I love you Stay It's worth it Always yours, a suicide survivor 💋

Today was fun. Let’s never do that again.

Remember, it's your life, ruin it how you want.

I like to go to protests because it's nice to hang around with women who are angry at someone else.

You can see that this layout of styrofoam cradled a stereo receiver the way a stork would deliver a baby if the sky was fit for a box. I save them all just in case they fit one of us. Wouldn't you like to know your packing material soul shape, could be an omen of arrived unbroken yous to come

they should invent a way out that is not through

Getting a colonoscopy at a clinic that gives you a sandwich after the procedure. Hopefully the colonoscopy is better than the one I got last year at Subway.

Every autumn, I shed the saddest of my songs so they may find their way to spring.

I've officially entered my running with scissors phase

In a garden full of sheltered plants, thank God, I am a weed with numbered days.

Apologize to people when you did something wrong. Especially your kids.

WHO’S ALL READY FOR A WEEKEND OF truly unnecessary television

I am made of stars, I whisper to myself as I contemplate 10 day old mashed potatoes for breakfast

A lifetime of rewatching 80s underdog movies lead me to expect more comeuppance for rich people

Website: ENTER NEW PASSWORD Me: Daredevil WS: PASSWORD MUST CONTAIN A SPECIAL CHARACTER Me: DaredevilFeaturingPunisher

It's not always a call to action, sometimes it's just washing your hoodie and eating a meal off a plate

WIFE: This summer I'm banning you from wearing those shorts with pockets. ME: *barely audible* embargo pants HER: Get out

*leans in So, is there a Mr. “Stop talking to me I fucking hate you?”

the song “Take On Me” is a portal into my childhood home and now all I want to do is eat pot roast

you think you’re clever when you “throw” a stick and hide it behind your back while your dog runs around furiously looking for it BUT SOMEDAY YOU’LL PAY FOR YOUR MISCHIEF

hate to tell you this but last night I was smoking and saw your dog turn into a small hairy man

One thing I have never seen a swan do is dive. Why do we call it that? Mostly they just float around on lakes acting all superior and spend their childhood thinking they’re unattractive.

Having a victorian era woman spring (becoming isolated and weird)

🎶I just call, to say "oh, fuck you"!🎶

They: your country seems to be normal to live in. Me: define "normal"

Any skeet can be an inspirational skeet if you are desperate enough.

It sometimes takes years to say goodbye.

Be the change you wish to see in the world *spontaneously combusts*

You shouldn’t really drop a mic though. Maybe you could just set it down emphatically but carefully.

Changed things up this Friday night by sitting on the other end of the couch. The cats voiced their concern, but know they can be on me no matter where I am.

Just broke a light bulb. That’s seven years of bad ideas.

Caught between wanting to finish a book and not wanting it to ever end.

If you see this, post your getaway vehicle.

Jesus never lost a rap battle because it was so hard to find rhymes for "nazareth".

Day 1 poetry class, ice breaker. Tutor, “So we’ll go around the circle and each person says one word and together we’ll compose a poem”. Person: 1 “The” 2 “fat” 3 “cat” 4 “sat” 5 “on” 6 “the” 7 Me: *raises hand “is littertray one word or two”?

Me at my first “Reply Guys Anonymous” meeting. Hello my names Xander……and I’m a reply guy. All the other reply guys, make stupid comments. No one laughs.

Two wolves inside of you? In this economy? I can barely afford one. *Let’s just format our way out of this shit.

Of course whales have their own language, it’s called Welsh.

LinkedIn Park A band that will sing your CV for you.

Mark Zuckerberg only has friends because he is rich and they hope he buys them stuff

The guy in front of me riding his brakes is making it awfully hard to post and drive