I know it's a long shot, but my cousin lost her father 2 years ago, and through her grief, she's just now getting around to purchasing his headstone. Anything helps, even if it's just $5. If you can't, or don't feel comfortable donating, can you please share? Thx, Blinky gofund.me/a5fa2c986

The 82 y.o. just dropped 4k on a new mower and I'm over here trying to figure out how to be added to his will

So first, Idiocracy became reality and now they're trying to put us in a Tank Girl situation. Stop using AI

I was gonna give up pendejadas for Lent. Good thing I'm not Catholic.

Cashapp me $5 so I can get an expedited passport

Why would I have thoughts when I can play music really loud?

we need to start Project Gay Ant

I think I scrolled too far.

I don’t know. Maybe don’t over analyze that skeet. It’s entertainment not a dissertation that needs correcting and grading.

She doesn't want flowers and candy for valentines day, she wants her back blown out while you're pulling her hair and calling her good girl

Happy Friday the 13th!! Also, it's international mistress/side piece day, so if you don't hear from your s.o. tomorrow, it's definitely because they don't believe in the commerciality of a made up holiday and not because they're with their spouse 💙

First Theo, now Dawson. If the universe could stop taking the people from my childhood too soon, that would be great.

I've seen what the vast majority of y'all released from your drafts folder on Twitter, so I suggest you just continue to fly by the seats of your pants.

🎵I'm gonna practice brujeria; I'm gonna make you fall in love🎵 or whatever Sublime said

wow bad bunny was awesome but I did not expect all the hardcore gay sex

The theme of Superbowl LX is punts and butts.

And then, he was a Good Bunny. A very Good Bunny. The End.

DON'T RUSH ME!! I NEED THE PERFECT VAPE FLAVOR!!

The entertainment industry will never stop shoving Mark Wahlberg and Chris Pratt down our collective throats.

As problematic as he is, I'm going to see Jo Koy tonight, because marriage is about sacrifice, and my husband thinks he's funny ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Only people who aren't sexual predators will get this: Consent

Hey bluesky, next update should be to allow us to mute replies in posts

The 82 y.o. legit makes my eye twitch. At this point, I'm sticking around for the plot.

there’s no law that says you have to get out of bed on a day off. you can just fucking lay there

Y'all remember when our biggest gripes about social media was post theft, large accounts unfollowing to boost their ratio, and spouses finding out about all the sexting?

Almost posted something that would have hurt my own feelings

Listening to Steve Miller Band on the shop radio while the Ford is going up on the lift and it just occurred to me that this would be like listening to songs from the 1920s when I was a kid.

It seems like not enough pianos are falling on people

One would think being “in arrears” would be a pleasant thing. One would be wrong

At that weird stage where I don't feel like I look 49, but if anyone says I look younger I yell "OH FUCK RIGHT THE FUCK OFF". is this menopause?

Bluesky gifs suck.

I post for the people that never take anything from the top of any stack of items. I can’t explain it but when buying coffee/tea that lid on the top stack is tainted. I’m grabbing the lid after the top one.

Them: Ugh! You're so brave. I could never chop off all my hair. It defines me. Me: Yeah, me too, Becky. Slightly chaotic and all over the place, so I chop her to appease the demons.

Feeling about as useful as a jalapeño corer

You call me torta like it's some kind of insult. Bitch! Tortas are delicious.

them: are you being sarcastic me: are you being rhetorical

No greater tragedy than developing an online crush and finding out they're ugly as sin

Before you say you hate this timeline, keep in mind that there are still plenty of asteroids out there.

Me: Are you horny? Her: Not for you, bud.

Me: Nice perineum… Him: Thanks… It’s Goochi.

It's like my mind waits until I'm horizontal to run a full diagnostic on my entire life.

Telling everyone you’re a fat slob really keeps the DMs quiet.

Hell is full of the people who touch you when they talk.

I'm not a brand. I'm an idiot.

Them: And what protein would you like in your ramen? Me: The spicy chicken packet is fine

I am Blinky's complete lack of self awareness

*seductively bending at the waist as I rearrange the dishwasher you just loaded incorrectly*

Whatsertits works for men and women. Just saying.

Lick pussy Not boots

When I see a quote post with "blocked" in the original, I'm intrigued. Do I post a lot of blockable content?