Semi lukewarm take: My not using alt. text is not me being ableist; it's my adhd. I don't remember half the time cuz it's not something I've done from the start. Not everything is your opportunity for a "teaching moment".

Told my oldest we've gotta get rid of the junk he left here when he moved out... what do you think his response was?

My baby is taking her driver's test today. Positive vibes appreciated.

NSFW a band Nine Inch Knobs

3 days in and nobody has asked me to be their mamita

Meanwhile in England:

Pretty shitty that I don't get the attention I so richly deserve now that my mental health won't allow me to post hole.

Let’s do some roleplay. I’ll be American democracy and you can be Trump trying to fuck me to death.

The good news is that we'll never know the truth about anything ever again

it’s the same picture.

Not really sure if I'm lost in your eyes or in emotion. Qué será. Qué será.

my neighbor posted a selfie of himself on facebook holding a gun with the caption COME & TAKE THEM, and it's like bro, you just complimented me on my geraniums yesterday

Drop a meme *no political shit, because i said so

Good news. Americans are still the fattest fucks on the planet.

The kids are not alright.

Live Laugh Loiter in the cemetery

we should be allowed to slap one person daily

humming along to the Unsolved Mysteries theme song 15 times in a row to numb my frontal lobe

the list of people you're willing to tolerate decreases greatly after 40

I don't know if my best friend told you or not, but I've gotta crush on you

timeline cleanse: franky watches the garbage truck pick up the trash this morning

I have way too many problems in my own life to spend any time being outraged online.

feeling joy is now a subversive act, don’t let them catch you doing it my friends

Bluesky has truly made it and reached the "can't have nice things" stage of posting, were you either have to limit your interactions completely, or be prepared to delete your posts due to the often ultraviolent or completely trolling comments and replies.

I don’t know, I think Wednesdays might be the worst day of the week. Well, along with Mondays. And Tuesdays. Thursdays are there, too. Fridays are right behind along with Sundays. Saturdays are cool, though.

Live Laugh Lithium... have y'all tried lithium, yet?

Why is the right so angry? They control the entire government and they’re still miserable f*cks. Joy Reid nailed it.

*eating dinner* Me: how is it? Guest: too garlicky Me: *drives a stake through their heart* only a vampire would say that

Might become one of those women who can't leave the house without having their hair and makeup done; might continue to be a bridge troll.

So many people inspire me to be nothing like them.

A great man once said, "El queso es viejo y podrido. ¿Donde esta el sanitario?" and I live by that to this day.

It's only right that Robert Redford passed on Mexican Independence Day. Now the choke hold he had on our tias and abuelitas can be broken.

My mexican half coming out this month like

Does anyone else lean very liberal but have someone close to them who leans very conservative (to the point of stupidity)? Asking for myself cuz I struggle daily. I know that for my peace of mind, I should cut them off. We'll never see eye to eye, but I love them & don't know how to live w/o them.

I'm old af and can't remember ever watching a Robert Redford movie, but condolences on y'alls loss 💙

i don’t even pray for people i like i am not joining a group ritual to say nice magic words about a garden variety fuckhead

you can tell a lot about a person by the way they react when you tell them you're a serial killer

If you see this quote with the energy you bring to bluesky

Tulsi Gabbard is right to say that the killing of Charlie Kirk is like 9/11 in that right after both happened, conservatives immediately blamed the wrong people for it

my mother didn’t love me now i show my tits to internet strangers -an autobiography

Imagine identifying as a wine mom

Sometimes, I worry that I annoy people, but then I squeeze my titties and remember that as long as I have these, I can be as annoying as I want.

Put my ashes into a cylindrical urn so my wife can roll it on the coffee table and say “my late husband is rolling in his grave.”

You ever watch a trailer and think "Man! That's gonna be a great movie!" then you see the movie and realize all the best parts were in that 90 seconds? It me

I wish people had a 90sec trailer so I can see what I’m getting myself into.

"Ho, is you cool?" is a valid response to the people who reply to joke posts with serious comments.

Age verification? 📝 Please allow 6 y.o. Blinky who just crossed an extremely busy road with no crosswalk to buy a pack of Marlboro Light 100s. Signed, A very concerned parent

I think I'm ready for a pixie cut, again

Pussy is another word for cat. Cats are notorious for giving zero fucks. Therefore, being called a pussy means you don't give a fuck. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.