If I was a drag queen, my big finale would be "You don't own me" (Lesley Gore). And I would be magnificent. Magnificent!!

My frame of mind is askew

I think each of us, sometime in our life, has always wanted to paint a banger. —Bob "Bluesky" Ross

man, I'll beat this dead horse analogy silly like a red-headed stepcolt

Got a note through my door says "Meet me in Ambush Gully. Come alone". So I guess I have "a date".

I'm not sure if I'm sick or just alive

I cannot function without my breakfast cheetos

The audacity of my cats to demand *fresh* kibble several times a day when they routinely eat rat anus

These cows sound really sinister in the early morning fog..

Even though they all say that they're real, I know that most aren't, Charlie Brown

I'm eating all the cheese. Soon, there will be no more cheese. If you wanted some, you should have eaten it before I ate all of it. -current world philosophy

Give a little, get a little.

Lowered expectations is the hot new trend.

Blasphemy. Blaspheyou.

Skeetmining without a canary, like our forefathers did.

Strunk and White's "Elements of Shitposting (unabridged)"

Functional apathy.

Seems like there are better places to keep proof than in pudding.

Looking for the veins of humanity.

Things became more insensible.

maybe the real treasure was the cheese we ate along the way

Had to people. Would not recommend. #NoHeckinDoomThanks #AllBetterNow

My toxic trait is thinking I don’t need to change out of my good clothes because I won’t get paint on them this time

News just in from BlueSky: [Haunted Toys R Us carpark sounds]

Cows

My husband refused to share his chicken with the cat: A manifesto

No YOU without realising opened that screenshot you’d taken of your phone’s screen and tried clicking on the apps.

So, are you telling me that god awful Paul McCartney song finally has a purpose for existing now?

On the bright side, we now need a much smaller venue for the Bsky prom.

Going on a long vacation* to escape the horrors! *medically-induced coma

I still haven’t posted anything today, and I think I’ve got away with it.

Welcome to Snozzhub ™️ the simulated social media experience. Why post, when procedurally generated followers can validate you without all the effort? <SparklyUnicycle followed you> <SparklyUnicycle resnozzed your post> <HedgehogSexyReference clamboogled your snuffer> What does it mean? Who cares!?

Nobody move I’m on a little repost spree.

SEIZE HER SALAD or something I don’t speak Latin

(A third throwing axe whistles past my left ear) Ok, this is getting spooky.

How often should I be reposting my posts to ensure that no one can ignore my nonsense

<carpooling> Me: What kind of music do you listen to? Them: I listen to Jesus music Me: 'Kay <puts on Ghost>

Leave no pooh unwinnied.

When the reply guy says nothing, and becomes the hero.

Me? I’m just sat before the huge roaring fire in the haunted castle in my mind. The wine I’m drinking is in a spiderweb encrusted goblet. My book is dusty, and there are huge dogs snoring at my feet. [Ghostly clanking sounds]

We can smell Mastodon’s perfume on you.

Over-milked my tea, like some kind of rookie.

Making mini-pizza garlic breads for trick or treaters this year, if you want to swing by?

During sexy time she asked if I owned any toys. I proudly presented my fully operational, remote-controlled Millennium Falcon. She left. I had a great night.

*Logs on, likes roughly 100 things, logs off, watches Bigfoot documentaries instead*

*riddled with mullets*

Getting braces again next year, so hoping to also get random hardons in math class.

technically awake but really just sleepwalking through this day because fuck it