To be fair none of the things I say are funny

People die, and Ariana Grande dances. When will she stop dancing? When will it stop?

WHEN DID THEY ADD KLONOA TO THE GBA EMULATOR?!?!

So you're telling me that America is making up a story about weapons of mass destruction to justify murdering innocent people for political purposes and control of foreign oil? Idk sounds pretty far-fetched

the big five

nostalgia is a scam invented by big new to sell more old

My PC is breaking down. Won't boot past the BIOS. FML

Shit fuck I'm running out of time

The sith have discovered ethical non-monogamy.

Need to travel soon and all I can think of is how much I don't want to leave my cat 😭

It's hard to describe how disorienting it is to see this many students absent. My only mental reference point is the weeks leading up to school getting canceled due to COVID-19, when students were starting to stay home due to illness or out of precaution. CBP/ICE is a plague.

ぽこポケ楽しみFA🌳

mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one

Apparently baby turkeys are extremely cute???

Happy 🌈

I'm being censored by Marvel Rivals

Really hoping that the Mamdani win followed by the Congressional shutdown disappointment activates people to recognize that comprehensive change happens from the bottom up and they should pay more attention to local politics, instead of just making people fall into an inattentive depression again.

Easy choice if you're a deer deciding where to buy a house

Cenobite at open mic night: we have such sights to show you…such exquisite pain…but enough about being married FOLKS haha I kid, my wife is a great teeth monster

Going back to NYC for Thanksgiving and a wedding but more important than either of those is that I'll finally get to go see that giant pigeon statue that got installed after I left.

I mean trumps still pretending the 2020 election was stolen I don’t see why we can’t just say he actually sucked off bill clinton for as long as we want

Epona if she was on Uma Musume 💞

I’m sorry but an openly racist, antisemitic and transphobic lady would not be welcome in my house just because the same guy pissed us off

one must imagine monica lewinsky happy

I know we live in the anthropocene or whatever but I feel like other animals have really thrived in this world that we should acknowledge. I'd say rats, pigeons, ants, and cats have also had huge impacts on the shaping of the modern world, admittedly using humans as a vehicle to action but still.

I think my favorite Bible verse is Matthew 6:5 because it's the verse from the Bible telling you to shut the fuck up about the Bible.

Just went to the Popular with Friends feed and nobody knew you

I straight up just had a real life spaghetti fell out of my pockets moment and fam it's more embarrassing than you'd expect

Way to put out that fire, sir.

were so fucking back guys

The thing about this picture is all four of them seem more genuinely happy in it than in any picture I’ve seen of them ever since

From this minister's op-ed: "People wanting to experience God are more likely to meet the Divine trying to shut down the Broadview, Illinois, ICE facility than we ever were in church...God does not live in our houses of worship, but...with those who are bearing the brunt of cruelty in this moment."

It finally hit, I feel like I'm going to puke and pass out into the puke. I always get sick from vaccines, I should've spaced them out

i believe it was churchill who said ‘senile pedophile hitler is the worst form of government, except for all the others’

I've got too many too woke opinions, but first to mind is that I think environmental harmony should be mandatory in all projects, to the point where I believe there is an obligation to adopt new more eco friendly tech even if it's more expensive, and to dismantle things once we know they're harmful.

I hate the fact that the only non-water diet friendly option at restaurants is also caffeinated. Why do we accept diet cola as the default everywhere with no alternative? How do we not have like diet 7up just as readily available? Or decaffeinated iced tea? Or anything?

A correct read on these deltas is that we already lost lol

My cat is on a diet but doesn't understand she is on a diet so she yells at me all day for more food. It is not even a strict diet, it is one portion smaller per day than before, but she's so mad about it.

New Mexico is the first state in the country to implement universal free childcare, and the program will save families an estimated $12,800 a year.

Who up screaming at they perimeter fence

For my newsletter, I wrote a little about how there seems to be a recent rash of trans people taking their own lives. Please take care of yourselves this holiday season, I promise you that there are people who want to help you if you're struggling. www.burnsnotice.com/if-youre-tra...

I do think that recognizing where people make this distinction is important because it's not just limited to sex it's everything. When conservatives are talking about "dangerous men coming over the border" they are including teenage boys in that category. Same for "young men who don't want to work"

If anything I gotta applaud Patton for his restraint on saving his first ban to use on a pedo. If I had his audience I'd be saying far more unhinged things far more regularly. I should not be given any power, I will abuse it.