If i had known the 21st century would involve so much beeping i would have stayed in the 20th

The Headless HorseCat rides again

Happy low tire pressure season to all who celebrate.

Going to prison just so I can finally have some time to read

after you put on a pair of new glasses they’re never that clean again, the smudges just get moved around in different little designs as a fun challenge for your eyes

Started an international incident today(pet a cat within visual range of the other cat)

From the Washington Post: All library grants reinstated at Institute of Museum and Library Services. Read more about the great news: www.washingtonpost.com/style/2025/1... But the fight isn't over. We need to tell Congress to #FundLibraries: app.oneclickpolitics.com/campaign-pag... #ForOurLibraries

I’ve gotten so desperate for things to improve that I’m voluntarily reading a fucking self-help book Save me Let Them Theory Let Them Theory save me

"Who distracts the distractions" I wonder as I order x-ray specs from a comic book for another comic book while I also order x-ray specs from the second comic book for the first comic book. All in Latin.

No one: My cat at 2 a.m.: I bet I can jump through the Christmas tree

nobody: me: all you need to take glinda the good witch down is a blow gun and decent aim

When I say I can interpret your dreams I mean from a symbolic point of view. The dance you had me doing in your last one just meant that you don't understand me or interpretive dance

I think my cat is broken

I've had enough of your cockamamie schemes. it's high time for cuntamamie schemes #feminism

What do you call a bunch of crows inside a tent? Murder within tent.

That’s a nice ham you’ve got there it would be a shame if someone put an s in front of it and an e at the end

Husband procedure update: we didn’t hangry at each other too much but the period when he had to complete his paperwork was iffy He doesn’t remember me helping him dress after and he didn’t rest his testicles on my head as I was doing so (that’s never a given)

Walked in on my cat using the litter box and got the meanest stank face from her Oh, it’s only okay when YOU do it

“Does anyone read books anymore?” And when I was a medical librarian: “why does a hospital need a library when everything is online?”

In the waiting room for my husband’s colonoscopy and in the rush to get here I neither eat nor drank anything. We’re gonna have two grumpy, low blood sugar people trying to negotiate breakfast when he’s done. Sure to be a relaxing morning 🙄

Nope. *Reads a book instead*

when you accidentally write "tanks" instead of "thanks" in an email, and now your colleague fears you are going to show up at their desk with an army of tanks

"Unfortunately, no library schools apparently include a curricular unit on "Denying Wrongful Authority."" Library school faculty curriculum planners, your move!

I think it's a little funny that billionaires destroyed the world so they could keep us all under surveillance 24/7 and now we're all too broke to do much and mostly just sit around at home

this account is a safe space for evil women

I didn’t have to interact with anyone besides my husband and the Wawa clerks on Thanksgiving and it was glorious I’ve had three social engagements in the last three days and yesterday I had a meltdown about it I’m not build for the holiday season social calendar

You're barking up the wrong tree, Kevin. That is the ficus. Leave it alone.

Social media should be safe for trans people. Therefore, social media should be unsafe for transphobes. Pass it on!

my father has dementia and sometimes his actions can be alarming so when he kept going out to the garage i finally followed him only to discover he’d hidden the last of the banana cream pie in the spare fridge and keeps going for back for more bites

You know how they say every degree cooler you keep your thermostat in winter will save you a billion dollars? Cricket does not approve #caturday

been thinking about getting one of those window sills you can sit in to make my thousand yard stare a little less off-putting.

Japanese artist Mika Hirasa, embroidery and appliqué #WomensArt #Saturday

the best element of surprise is probably Bootonium

You fondue the cosmos like a refreshing constellation

@absurdcompliments.bsky.social one compliment please

when you tell them you’re a homebody but they always text you “what are you doing today?” and it’s clear they don’t understand what homebody means

Apparently butt is a swear 🤣 I know 90% of those were about the dog’s butt too, that’s just anatomical accuracy for fuck’s sake

It’s a Minni in a festival wreath! Thanks Blerry!

I think I cuss more in real life than I do here, but let’s see @profanity.accountant

Thanksgiving: The beige-est of all the holidays

Once nice thing about driving two hours to take my aunt out for lunch around Baltimore is that even the mid-level restaurants offer good seafood Also she pays and I’m sorely restaurant deprived lately. My taste buds need my husband to find a job before they dry up and blow away

Illiterate is short for “illegitimate glitterati”

Introduce yourself with 5 concerts you’ve seen Mighty Mighty Bosstones Green Day Jesus Jones Dresden Dolls The Offspring

Thanksgiving dinner procured 🦃🥪🍲😁

hug your pets and set them places at the table; put your family in crates (if they cannot behave) 🧡🦃

Textile artist Nancy Nicholson, cat & bird embroidery #WomensArt

The Bobbsey Twins Learn About Joint Custody