This is the perfect encapsulation of our stupid time, I love/hate it.

ME: I think I’m developing a weird paranormal relationship with a podcaster. THEM: Don’t you mean “parasocial”? PODCASTER: Help, help, my spirit has astral projected into your house and cannot return to the material plane ME: Maybe a little

Signal boost, this looks really positive and useful Instructions for it are in the thread, it took a second to figure out where to go to set my own label but it’s really simple

New questions about sexuality, desire, and what makes us human were opened up when researchers typed 80085 into a calculator.

Put immediately in mind of: “Cheery was aware that Commander Vimes didn't like the phrase 'The innocent have nothing to fear', believing the innocent had everything to fear, mostly from the guilty but in the longer term even more from those who say things like 'The innocent have nothing to fear'.”

god sends his spilliest coffees to his clumsiest soldiers

….what happens is he stays mad about it for SEVEN YEARS and then puts it in his own newspaper that he got mad? 😭

Pumpkin Spice Aurora Borealis

Go to, sir, you were beaten in Italy

EDITOR: “The Horsey Murders” is a terrible name for a series ME: No, it’s about a hard boiled private eye named Max Horsey EDITOR: That’s even worse ME: Fine, then what if it’s about a serial killer named Simon Horsey EDITOR: Marginally better than terrible is still terrible ME True horse crime

No son, they are not "magically delicious." The workers made them delicious. This is a slogan meant to mystify the social conditions of labor

lmaooooo WHO DID THIS

I dunno, Mario! We're already too high!

ME: I would like a giant robot suit please LIBRARIAN: What ME: You can get anything at the library, right? LIBRARIAN: Many things but ME: Having fun isn’t hard when you have a library card right? LIBRARIAN: Sir ME: Well what could be more fun than a giant robot suit? Three or four stories tall

MeToo, MeFurious

Look, some evenings you just have to run in, yell “He’s so rich he has a big gold butler, a medium frankincense servant, and a little myrrh maid”, and run out again fast before anyone can reach for their tomatoes and eggs, it’s that kind of evening

If they could make a girl out of rotting lace, she would be better than this. But they must make the best of a bad job.

God is, or He is not. But to which side shall we incline? Reason can decide nothing. Blaise Pascal here for Polymarket—

Pumpkin Spice Independence Day

ENGLISH PROFESSOR: Third-person omniscient THEOLOGY PROFESSOR: Yes but so are the other two persons

(me, menacingly): you've read your last free article

maybe the reporter wasn't hungry

Everyone can have a little hellfire and brimstone, as a treat

My Uncle? Wiggily.

Ah, a metaphor

The latest from YouGov (n ~ 7k) gives me some methodological concerns. They allowed people to rate their pun making as "outstanding" but, statistically, most are sitting indoors at the time today.yougov.com/topics/socie...

Your roundness! The prisoners have escaped!

h—how

You mean to tell me these greens are wearing a collar

Dinosaurs And Non-Dinosaurs xkcd.com/3204/

LORE?????? bsky.app/search?q=fro...

Idk who needs to hear this but ACAB includes wallet inspectors

omg everybody go draw a horse this is what the internet was made for gradient.horse

One of my college friends just made an FB post like “people are so negative about Trump, can they name three good things he’s done?” And it’s taking all I have to resist the temptation to make absolutely everyone mad by replying, “Operation Warp Speed, lockdown stimulus checks, and mask mandates”

Pascal’s wager

when i save "hannah montana implies the existence of 49 other hannahs" as a draft, what good does that do except delay your eventual suffering?

Great, NOW who’s going to be these giants?

Macbeth: SHIT

Don't forget to overreact to something you read on the internet today.

He's very good at being a singer but very bad at being a bunny

I finally watched the half-show everybody was talking about and my hot take is…. Isn’t it deceptive advertising? I was promised a rabbit getting up to all kinds of mischief but instead it was just… a singing guy? I mean he was extremely good but, where was the bunny?

(Doing my new character Chicagollum) DA precious

No Kings includes Draft Kings

This is my kind of mashup!

I never noticed this either.

How well do you know the laws of football? Which of the angry families will kick the ball through the uprights when the referee blows his tiny trumpet? clickhole.com/how-well-do-...

I confess I didn’t follow the primaries very closely but I’m very curious to see what happens with the Super Bowl results once the polls close

Tired: Superb Owl Wired: Moist Owlet