She's gonna sing the whole opera! What are we gonna do?

"Your posts are worse than Bieber" "Shirt look like a shop rite bag" "You have sold out the fans ." Every Accusation is a Confession. —DRIL

Pet at your own Risk

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

Sir, a second bird is at the feeder

Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail. We are aware of the situation and apologize for any inconvenience.

Keep the ghost busy, Luigi! That's probably them now!

Judas Iscariot was paid 30 pieces of silver for turning Jesus Christ in to the Roman authorities. But he made nearly 10 times that amount by placing a Polymarket bet accurately predicting the day of Christ’s death.

we’re feeding our neighbors’ cat this week

<Joseph has entered the chat> <Joseph has exited the chat>

I dreamed ten cows were swimming in a swimming pool. “My cow is the one with the splotchy face,” said a woman. “My cow is the one who wears a duck like a hat,” I said. “Quack,” said the duck. “Moo,” said the cow. “So it is written in the Book of Life,” said an ominous narrator.

“Frankenstein, meet Abbott and Costello; Abbott and Costello, meet Frankenstein!”

My only crime is caring too much, and human sacrifice

Sorry Dave, I cannot allow your princess to be in this castle

Pumpkin Spice Interpretive Dance

"Spin" is Dutch for "spider". Funny how language does that, huh? Anyway, I fixed your washing machine. Maybe don't use the spin cycle.

MAN: My name is Atus, and I’m a Pauseophobic. GROUP: Hi, Atus. MAN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I mean, have you heard their song about the flight

preclude and occlude basically mean the same thing…the mysteries of clude…

Congratulations to the Artemis II team, I hope they’re finally able to find out what sex the turtle is

Artemis II mission captures first pictures of the far side of the Moon.

this waiter is definitely on blue sky lol

There is one lovely person on here who I have no interaction with except she unfailingly likes all my good posts and ONLY my good posts with impeccable taste Makes my day every time Except I can’t decide if she’s my best friend, someone I should hire as an editor, or my guardian angel’s secret alt

<youth pastor seeing Bluesky engagement discourse> So, you know who else everyone was writing off as dead on a Friday night?

[philosophical voice] all websites are mortal and will one day die

Contrary to many rumors that this site “has the Juice”, O.J. Simpson died in 2024 and never joined Bluesky.

I told her she was adopted

You will often hear people say Bluesky is dead. These people should know, because they work in print media. But they say sometimes late at night from the old abandoned post factory, you can still hear the sound of mysterious ghostly voices saying “Jerry, no” and that definitely counts for something

Ellie recommends rolling around in the patio for mental health reasons

👀

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus Lane! Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail! They meet at the crossroads. Their eyes narrow. A tumbleweed rolls by in the distance. “Nick,” says the rabbit. “Pete,” says the man.

Ah shoot, there's been a mixup. You got the good thief's fortune cookie.

What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with AI fact-checking!

No, that’s Sunday

"On Monday, Oedipus ate through one apple. But he was still hungry. On Wednesday he ate a whole banana. On Friday he killed an arrogant man at the crossroads and married his widow. But he was still hungry." A section, there, from THE VERY HUNGRY PATER-KILLER.

This image of home just came down from the Artemis II crew. Taken after their translunar injection burn, there are aurorae at top right and lower left, and zodiacal light at lower right. Credit: NASA/Reid Wiseman

You ungrateful child! Now I'll have to tell all the relatives that stupid Koopums is still a bachelor! Koopums!

😮 Awesome views from Day 2 of #Artemis II this morning. @exploration.esa.int @esaearth.esa.int

Taurus: Numerology will play a strong role in your relationships, finances, and major life opportunities this week. Specifically, the number zero.

SKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: TAKE A LEFT NOW PRIEST: No, the GPS says we have to keep going— SKULL: I KNOW A SHORTCUT PRIEST: Do you remember the last ti— SKULL: FOR THOSE WITH FAITH, NO EVIDENCE IS NECESSARY; FOR THOSE WITHOUT IT, NO EVIDENCE WILL SUFFICE

ME: Hey, who are you and where are you slouching off to? ROUGH BEAST, ITS HOUR COME ROUND AT LAST: nothin’

The old world is dying. The new world struggles to be born. Things are pretty busy at the world hospital

Pumpkin Spice Computing Device

CHICAGO POPE

ME: I’m just asking, when we have two holidays, and one of them is The Day When All The Cool Stuff Goes On Sale and the other is The Day Jesus Died, and one is called Good Friday and the other is called Black Friday, are we SURE there wasn’t a clerical error somewhere? FBI AGENT: Sir

Political Commentary Bot Is Undefeated, cont’d.

The Explosion (1999): A poet's daughter writes to Satan, asking for TVs for Christmas. When a woodcutter receives the letter, he finds trumpets and a hint of money.

A Filthy House (1985): An inedible vampire must choose between her love for her introverted family in an art gallery and a spirited widower in a high-society party.

Ye have heard it said, not my circus, not my monkeys. But verily, verily I say unto you: it is thy circus, and lo, these monkeys art thine also, even unto the last in the barrel.

Monkeys on the playground eating peanut butter cups! Rhesus Reese’s Recess!